Rise Till' We Fall [TAEGYU]

#13: How can you be such a dumbass

(Beomgyu's POV)

I had an arm around Chaeryoung as we walked along the halls. She smiled at me when she caught me peeking at her, ruffling my hair. I tried my best not to flinch. 

I don't regret asking her out. She's not an insufferable brat unlike some of the girls in my grade. My family would love someone like Chaeryoung. She's pretty and talented with a bright mind. I don't deserve someone like her. It's making me uneasy, knowing deep inside that I'm not in love with her. But I might as well try. I hope it helps. I need her. 

I said goodbye to her and quietly opened the door to the dorms. I slipped my shoes off as soundless as I can while setting the keys down. Tae's probably in his room at this time, normally doing his homework, and I'll go in and share some snacks and chat with him. That's not going to happen after that day. I'd have to finish all those chips by myself this time. 

I looked over at the door to Kai's room. I've heard from the school that he's not coming back. His parents agreed to send him studying overseas. Australia, a coincidence. I miss him. When I had an argument with Tae, he'd always been here to help. But after his confession, I was confused about all his actions before. Are they genuine or not? 

I finished using the washroom and walked out to bump into Tae. His eyes are sort of puffy, giving me a pang of guilt and a sliver of hope. I stood there, not sure how to act. 

"Congrats," he said first, speaking that word slowly, like he's still debating whether to talk to me.

"About that day. I--" I started, desperate to make things normal between us again. 

"I know, Gyu," he said. "I understand. I'm happy for you." His voice broke at the end, making my whole body tense.  

"Thanks," I replied, not sure what to say. I patted him on the back and he subtly shrugged it off.

He smiled a weak smile at me and went back to his room again. I went into mine and closed the door, sighing. The tension is slowly driving me crazy, tearing my heart open as I thought about him, we back to strangers, and everything just feels excruciating and painful. I'm not sure what to do. Does God know? Does anyone know? Oh, what should I do? 

 I looked to my trash and found it already emptied. Then I looked at my desk and there was a crumpled ball of paper and some rumpled flowers set lightly on my textbooks. I picked it up, smoothing the creases out, finding out its two papers rolled together. 

"thx xxx love" One of it was written, in purple ink. The message was scratched out multiple times and the paper broke there. Taehyun rarely loses his words, I thought as I read the other paper.  It was a taped-up note, perhaps originally torn. I gasped, looking at the familiar flowers. 

Tears ran down my face uncontrollably as I smiled, not really caring if my door is open. 

(Taehyun's POV)

I found the letter in his trash bin. It's my day to take out the trash and I just found it there in pieces in a paper bag. It's curious for Gyu to treat things this violent, so I rearranged the pieces and taped it together, not taking much time thankfully. It read: 

"Dear Taehyunie: I ♥ U and I want you to know" 

The paper was scrunched and the faint marks of erasing over and over again are visible. I smiled weakly, looking over to the contents in the bag. It's a slightly rumpled bouquet of purple lilacs and blue forget-me-nots. The purple and blue are already faded and wilted, just making me feel sad. The fact that he threw this in the bin is probably a big sign that these feelings don't exist anymore.

But feelings don't go away that quickly. I took out a memo pad and tore a piece of paper off, grabbing my purple pen. Hopefully, I'm not too late. Oh, and what about Chaeryoung? 

(Beomgyu's POV)

I gathered myself and called Chaeryoung. She picked up after two rings. 

"Hello?" She said. 

"Chaer," I greeted. 

"What's up?" She sounds a little impatient and worried. 

"Do you love me? " I quickly asked, out of the blue. 

"What? " she said, clearly confused and silent for a few seconds.

She started slowly. "Oh well, if I speak the truth......I don't know either. Do you remember when I had a gigantic crush on you in middle school? I even made you a fan club. After all these years, the feeling just gradually faded, you understand? But when you asked me out, I was happy. Really happy, because all these years I've been holding onto this hope that you would like me back. But then I was worried because I can tell that you aren't sincere. You're not smiling, never smiled a real smile in the four days we dated......I don't know, I still like you. But I want you to be with someone you love, and I don't understand why you asked me out in the first place." She said all that in one breath. 

"Am I that bad at lying?" I said with a faint smile.

"You're terrible," she laughed. "So are you telling me what's really going on?"

I told her everything, starting from Kai's conversation with Tae to all those intimate touches, then to the letter I prepared, the kiss and Mum's phone call, ending with my discovery. She was silent for a while. 

"How can you be this stupid, dumbass?" she finally said. "If I was Taehyun, I'd just toss your whole confession into the trash and throw it away after punching you in the face."

"Wow, that's a little blunt," I said with worry laced in my voice. 

"Judging from everything you told me, he definitely likes you back, especially that little note. And you like him too. All you can do now is tell him everything and apologize. I can't guarantee that he'll accept it. Talk to him about your feelings and your fears. Be true. Be sincere." Chaeryoung said with her calming voice. I sighed. She always seems to understand everything and know every solution. 

"About your mother, I'm sorry. It'll probably take her a long time to accept you and Tae if she's homophobic. You need to ignore her opinions on you and live your life. It'll be painful, but it's not choosing between her and Tae. You make your own decisions and you experience the responsibility. You can choose to balance everything out or cut off one side. It's all your decision and sadly, I can't decide for you. "

"And I'm not going to date someone with his heart elsewhere. I have things more important to do than be a burden and a pain to somebody else. Better just step out when you sense something wrong. "

"You're not a burden nor a pain, " I quickly said. " Thank you for this, it helped me a lot. Can we still be friends? After this?" I seriously can't afford to lose someone else anymore. 

"Of course! Who do you think I am? Good luck with everything though! " she said, "I can tell you're sincere, so tell Taehyun before it's too late! "

I hung up and smiled to myself. I'm not going to lose Taehyun no matter what. Mum, I'm so sorry, but you won't stop me from this. Oh god, she'll be so disappointed but who cares? I walk over to Taehyun's door, hesitating to knock. With one final deep breath, I knocked, and the door flew open. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

almost 700 reads? OMG, I can't believe this! 

Also I'm back from my vacation and I gained some weight from the delicious food. 

Thank you for your love and support as I'm writing this story. Your kind words are really the motivation for my constant work. I try my best to think out plot lines and word usage a lot, often zoning out at dinner tables and earning a questioning glance from my Mum. 

I couldn't bring myself to tell her that her bright, obedient daughter she's so proud of writes fanfiction, so yeah. I pretend I'm writing something else.