supernatural oneshots

insecure (dean x reader)

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dean isn't himself and you know it. you can tell when something is bothering that man, even if it's something small or stupid. he's acting no differently to usual but you can see that when he makes jokes, the light in his eyes dies out and when he acts all confident his body language says otherwise. you and sam have both noticed this and have been conspiring behind deans back. you have both been trying to figure out what's up with him and you think you're getting close.

"maybe he's just having a tough time." sam suggests as he hears dean slam the door to his bedroom shut.

"no," you say, "it's something else. he's barely eating, he's less witty at times... you don't really want to know what else he's not up for."

sam looks at you briefly, confusion written all over his face before he pulls a disgusted look which then turns shocked, "thanks for that image y/n," he says, "but seriously, if he's not up for sex there must be something really bothering him."

"i think i know." you say sadly.

"what?" sam asks.

"i think he's insecure." you say.

"really?" sam questions.

"yeah. he's been sleeping with a shirt on, has been trying so much more with his appearance." you say.

"are you sure? i mean, it's dean, he thinks he's the sexiest man alive." sam says.

"i don't think he does. i think that's just a facade." you say.

sam looks at you before he sighs cracks his knuckles, "you really think that's what's happening?"

you nod as sam shakes his head.

"you should go and talk to him." sam says.

"i know," you sigh, "i do worry about him. he's so secretive."

sam nods, "that's dean for you."

you close your laptop and leave it on the desk across from sam, "i'll let you know how it goes."

sam smiles a little before turning his head back to his laptop, focusing on his case. you head upstairs to yours and deans room and tentatively knock on the door.

"dean? you in there?" you ask quietly.

"yeah." you hear him respond. his voice is low and weak. he sounds like he's been crying.

"can i come in?" you question.

you hear him sniffle before he mumbles, "yeah."

you enter your room and see dean sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. he hates being seen as weak and he hates it when you see him sad or when he cries. you take a seat beside him on your bed and place your hand on his thigh gently. he flinched briefly and looks up at you, his pained eyes meeting yours.

"what's going on dean?" you ask, giving him the chance to speak.

"i... i don't know y/n." he replies with a broken sigh.

"you've not been yourself recently. sam and i are worried about you. talk to me." you say softly. you place your other hand on the small of his back in an attempt to bring him comfort.

"i've been having these dreams. nightmares," he corrects himself, "they always have you and sammy dying in them. there's always something i could do to stop it but i can never do it in time. there's a demon version of me there. he tells me that i'm not good enough and that i'm going to be the reason you and sam die and he's right. there's nothing i can do to stop it because i'm not good enough for you. for either of you."

"dean," you say, sympathetically, "i knew you got nightmares baby, i didn't know they were like this. in this line of work, we're always in danger. we're always going to get hurt. you've kept me alive for four years now, you've kept sam alive his entire life. if there ever was a situation like that we both know that you would do everything possible to keep us alive okay? we know that you'd never let us down."

"i'm so scared of losing you two. you're all i have. without you i'm nothing. if i have no one to protect i'm nothing. i need you two. this demon... he tells me that i'm insecure, that i see nothing good about myself. he's right y/n, i don't. i see myself as your protector and nothing else." he explains.

"this demon version of you is a liar okay? just like all demons. you are not just mine and sammys protector okay? you're a brother. you're my boyfriend. you're kind-hearted, you have a fiery spirit, you're intelligent, you know what's right and wrong and you're so damn funny. you never fail to make me smile dean. i wish you could see what i see in you. not only have you got the strongest will and the best personality in any human i've met, you're super attractive. i love you dean, just the way you are." you say.

he looks into your eyes as tears fall from him, "i don't wanna feel like this y/n. i want to be happy."

"and you will dean, i promise." you say, grasping him tightly and crushing him in a hug.

him arms go around your middle as he rests his head on your shoulder, burying his face into your neck. he mumbles that he loves you so much and you squeeze your eyes shut, praying that he stops feeling this way.

~abbie

912 words