Transfixed: A Draco Malfoy Fanfiction

Chapter 23

I fell asleep almost as soon as we got back to Gryffindor Tower. Hermione and I didn't talk much once we got to our dorm, as another wave of exhaustion came over me, and we both just said goodnight. I was happy to finally wake up at a normal time the next morning, as the sunrise peaked through the window.

"Good morning," I said as I rolled over to face Hermione's bed.

"Morning," she yawned as she reached her arms overhead for a big stretch. "How do you feel?"

"Much more awake," I said as I sat up. "I can't believe I slept so much."

"I can. Audrey, I know that Dumbledore wants to meet with you today to discuss the funeral."

The word hit me like a truck: funeral. I had been asleep for most of the 36 hours since my father died, and I had truly been in a fog from the moment Harry and I miraculously apparated back to the Astronomy Tower. But that word brought me back, and I could feel cracks in my heart start to form as it got ready to break into a million pieces.

I gripped onto the side of my bed, my nails digging into the burgundy quilt. "OK," I whispered. A rising sickness grew within me, and I closed my eyes as I tried to fight it back down.

"Audrey, are you alright?" Hermione asked. With my eyes still closed, I could hear her stand up to sit next to me, but I held out my hand for her to stop. I needed space to breathe. She sat back down, and I just focused on breathing in and out. The nausea subsided, but I felt weak and shaky all over. I laid back down and opened my eyes, the room feeling ten times brighter than it did before.

"Hermione I don't know if I can do this," I said. "I haven't even done anything except sleep and eat, but... it just hurts so bad."

Hermione knelt down by my bed. "Have you ever felt grief before?' she asked.

I thought about it, but realized that I really hadn't. I had never lost any family member close to me. "No," I answered.

"Well, I lost my gran right before fifth year," Hermione said.

"Yeah, I remember that," I replied. "I was so sad when I got your letter."

"Yes, well as you know she was one of my best friends. Her death wasn't even that sudden, but I couldn't get out of bed for weeks after she passed. I barely had energy to read, eat, or do anything for that matter. And even though I have no idea what you must feel like after... after what happened, I want you to know that I'm right here. And so is Ron and Harry."

Thinking about Harry made me feel the slightest bit better. If there was anyone who truly knew how I felt, it was him. Bellatrix had killed the people we loved most: my father and his godfather.

"Thank you, Hermione. It just feels so physical, like I'm physically ill. Is that normal?"

"Totally normal. There is nothing more exhausting than grief."

I nodded. "I should try to get up."

"You don't have to."

"No, but I want to. I know I will just waste away in here if I let myself. I need to go see my sister."

"Oh, she'll be so pleased. She's been dying to see you."

"You've been to see her?"

"Yes, all three of us have. She's doing alright, but I know it's you she really wants."

I got dressed in in my Weasley Christmas sweater and black pants. My hair was all tangled, still up in my gnarled ponytail, but I didn't bother even touching it.

"Do you want to eat first?" Hermione asked. I still didn't feel well, and for the first time in what seemed like forever, I did not want breakfast at all. I shook my head and we headed downstairs.