Find A Way

Thank You

It's 8:00 AM on a Saturday when I hear a knock on my door. Ordinarily I'd be unshowered and in my pajamas till about 10:00 AM but this morning I made sure to be ready at the drop of a hat.

I'm taken back when I open the door and see him not in his usual gray button up sweater and glasses. He has a t-shirt on and a pair of ripped jeans. He notices me eyeing him up and down and chooses to address it.

"Forgive the jeans, it's my usual Saturday attire."

I let a soft chuckle out of my mouth "doesn't bother me" I reply.

I exit my home and see a small silver mustang sitting in the driveway with the top down.

"Where's your cadillac?"

"I thought my wife's vehicle would be much more fun for a Saturday ride".

Fun.

Hm. The word is stuck in my mind from our last session. I waste no time throwing my hair in a ponytail and buckling my seat belt. There is an odd smile of satisfaction on his face as he sees me relax into the morning sun.

On the way we stop for coffee and gas at a local gas station where we sit for an extra moment. He tells me a bit more about his family and life.

"My parents divorced when I was a child, we moved here from Canada and I went to school in Oxford Cove all my life" he explains as he sips his coffee.

"What about your family?" I asked.

"Well you know my wife Mary, the concert pianist, and I have three children. Two of them live here in the state close to me and my other son... lives away. Not all my children have made the best choices" he says, a slow sadness growing on his face "but I have two wonderful grandsons belonging to my daughter than I am so proud of, Frankie and Lionel" he pulls a photo out of his wallet of two chubby faced boys, both with soft brown hair one with blue eyes and one with hazel.

"They are beautiful" I comment "I love kids".

"I'd be happy for you to meet them one day."

He continues to share small portions about his life as we finish our coffee a head back to the car. I close my eyes and rest my head back as I let the air cover me and the warm sun relax me.

Soon I hear the squeaking of the breaks and the click of the engine forces my eyes open. Had I been napping? Oops.

We get out and I see a large clearing with mountains in the background. We walk down into a tree covered area and step over some large rocks before I see the small lake. There is a portion of me that thinks I should be afraid to be here, in such a secluded place with this man.

A man I really don't know well despite what he has told me. But there is an odd sense of trust that I've laid in his hands. My hope is that he doesn't choose to crush it. I see the lake, shimmering with small diamonds on the surface of the green water. Surrounding it are various species of aquatic plant life and rush. Inside the lake I can see water hyacinths.

I look over to Dr. Carlson and see him staring and smiling. I understood why he spent time here. What a gorgeous example of God's creation. It isn't long before he speaks again.

"In all the things you and I have discussed, it's been interesting the one subject you refuse to address" my heart begins pounding in my chest and I can't look over to him. I know when I do, it will happen all over again. He'll be able to look into my soul and wrench free yet another demon that had taken residence in my heart. A demon that I had come to call a friend.

I knew what he was talking about and he was right. My father. The big looming threat that hovered over all our conversations. He wasn't wrong. I hated my father. He had abandoned me early on even when he hadn't moved out of the house. It was a potion of my heart that had always been missing. Despite the special ways my mother had ripped away at the interior of my being, somehow, my father's absence had stuck with me the longest.