Find A Way

Jamie the Matchmaker

I pull into the driveway later than usual, due to my detour. I couldn't get a hold of Kelsey to stay another night so I took a deep breath and walked inside. I'm relieved when Jamie is the first face I see. He had a large bowl of Easy Mac in his hands and was about to sit on the couch.

"I know what you're gonna say, I'm gonna get diabetes from this shit. I don't care." I smile to myself before going over to him on the couch.

"That's not what I was gonna say. I think I need to move out. My cousin Allison had to get rid of her roommate so I think I'll stay with her for a while before I find something more permanent" I confess to Jamie first. He looks at me visibly annoyed.

"I don't understand you two. You guys want each other I don't know why you won't just be together."

James had a startling moment of clarity that shocked me. How did he know about Aiden and I?

"What are you talking about?" I ask, attempting to play dumb.

"I'm not stupid" he says bluntly.

"He doesn't want me. He wants Kelsey. Or a version of me that I know I'll never live up to."

"Holy hell Cassie are you serious? It's you. It's always been you. Do you know how many times I listened to him ramble about you after a few beers? Do you know how many times I listened to him moan your name through the bedroom walls? Do you have any idea why he wanted Vanessa in the first place?"

I'm certain by now my mouth is gaping open in shock but I can't bring myself to say anything. The more he reveals the more he raises his voice.

"Do you know why he became friends with Kelsey in the first place? It was because of you! Because he wanted to get to know you but didn't have the balls to ask you out to your face so he tried asking Kelsey questions. And yeah he fell into her bullshit but not before YOU ripped his heart out by dating that.... Jack idiot...."

Ah. Jack. My first high school heartbreak.

"He loves you Cassie. He's always loved you and you know what, I knew this would happen. I fucking knew this would happen," Jamie sets his bowl down so he can throw his hands up in frustration, "the day he came home and said he wanted you to move in I warned him about his feelings but he ignored me and promised he was over you. Now look at him."

My shoulders are hanging so low they make my back ache and my head in practically grazing the floor in shame. I can't bring myself to look Jamie in the eye. I had no idea. I had no idea this had been happening under my nose. I had no idea just how much James actually knew.

James takes a deep breath to relieve the tension between us and picks his bowl back up.

"He stopped his depression meds didn't he?" I somehow find the courage to ask.

James leaves the heavy space between us and heads for the fridge grabbing a beer, refusing to make eye contact with me.

"The last time I saw him this low," he says from the refrigerator "was before he started those meds. It's not rocket science."

I hadn't taken the time to notice a difference in Aiden's behavior. I assumed he was feeling low because of my rejection but figured he'd get over it. I feel a heavy weight of guilt settle into my chest. I chose to run away like a coward instead of facing my problems. Instead of being there for my friend.... for my soulmate.

The weight forces me to slump back into the couch. "Where is he now?" I ask.

"He's helping his dad build a shed. I figured he'd be home by now."

"What about Vanessa?" I can't help but ask.

"He called her and broke it off about twenty minutes after you two slept together. He told me all about it the following morning"