Seeking for Solace (Completed)

17

Shock is an understatement on what I feel right now. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko habang nakatingin sa kanya.

Martin likes me. He likes me! Hindi ko mapigilang magbunyi sa isip ko. Parang gusto kong bawiin ang sinabi kong layuan niya ako. Pero hindi pwede. Makakasira 'yon sa career niya.

Ilang sandali pa ay mukhang natauhan si Martin sa sinabi niya. Unti-unting umiwas ang paningin niya. "Lia--"

"Hindi mo ako gusto, Martin." I cut him off. "It's just... infatuation. Isa pa, hindi pa tayo ganoon katagal nagkakilala. Mawawala rin 'yan."

Its been just more than a month since we first met. Hindi kaaya-aya ang una naming pagtatagpo pero hindi kalaunan, naging magaan naman ang loob ko sa kanya.

He wanted us to be friends. At talagang pinatunayan niya namang gusto niya talaga akong maging kaibigan. He was there whenever I need someone to lean on. Kapag pagod na ako sa trabaho, gumagawa pa rin siya ng paraan para makasama ako kahit sandali lang. He was there to listen at my silly stories. And most of all, his presence gives relief. He was comfortable to be with.

That's why I fell for him.

I was beyond glad when he said that he also feels the same. Pero hindi pwede sa sitwasyon namin ngayon.

"Lia..." he whispered.

"I'm tired. Saka nalang tayo mag-usap."

I immediately went straight to my unit. Naiwan si Martin sa labas na nakayuko at hindi gumagalaw. Hindi ko gustong makita ang reaksyon niya kaya mas pinili kong pumasok sa unit ko.

Maybe he realized that what I said was true. Na hindi naman talaga niya ako gusto.

I felt a sting on my chest. Masakit isiping hindi naman pala niya ako gusto habang ako, nahulog ng tuluyan sa kanya.

But on the other hand, I think it was better for us. His career won't be at risk anymore.

I slept with the thoughts of Martin running inside my head. When I woke up, it was already six in the morning. I did my usual morning routine and cooked my breakfast. After that, I prepared myself for work.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ako mapakali pagkatapos kong mag-ayos. Maybe I was expecting that Martin will talk to me? Wait for me outside my unit?

Napakatanga ko para umasa ng ganoong pangyayari. After all the things that I said to him last night, I doubt that he will talk to me again.

I sighed when I found no traces of him outside. The door of his unit was also closed. Matamlay na naglakad ako papalabas.

Nang makalabas ako sa gate ng Apartelle ay napansin kong may iilang taong nakatambay sa labas. Those faces were unusual. Ngayon ko lang nakita lahat. Most of them are holding a gadget or camera. May nakita pa akong nagbubulungan habang nakatingin sa direksyon ko.

I decided to pass over and went to work instead.

Nakarating na ako sa headquarters at agad naman nag-instruct si Ma'am Tuazon sa tour ko ngayon. I have another day tour for this day.

Mabuti nalang ay nagawa ko pa rin ng maayos ang trabaho ko. As usual, naging maayos naman ang komentong natanggap ko mula kay Ma'am Tuazon at sa mga tourist.

Pagkatapos akong kausapin ni Ma'am Tuazon ay naisipan kong pumunta sa workplace ni Tanya. Ilang rooms lang ang pagitan ng office ni Ma'am Tuazon at sa office ng marketing department kung saan naka assign si Tanya.

Akmang tatawagin ko na si Tanya nang biglang nag vibrate ang cellphone ko. Kinuha ko ito mula sa bulsa ko at nakitang si Mama pala ang nagtext at pinapapunta niya sa ospital ngayon.