🕊️
Lisa's finger shook as it hovered over the green call button, the number of a girl she had sex with weeks ago sitting waiting for her to hit it. She hadn't been drinking much lately, but tonight she had downed quite a large amount.
She shouldn't.
She doesn't.
Instead she sighs and clicks out of the screen, back to the keypad where she dials a number that she knows off by heart. Her finger anxiously and hesitantly slamming down on the little green button and lifting the phone to her ear, waiting for her call to ring out.
"Hi! You've reached Chaeyoung!"
Her heart jolts at the voice of the person she misses more than anything, tears welling up in her already cried out eyes. She would do anything just to hold her again.
"I'm sorry I missed your call. Leave me a message and I'll get back to you!"
The phone beeped in her ear, followed by silence. Until Lisa opened her mouth and whispered into the microphone "I love you.... I miss you".
Her voice shaky, vulnerable, and broken. She hadn't left a message for Chae in a while. She used to hope that each time she called, by some miracle her girlfriend would pick up and everything would be okay. But that never happened. She had refused to believe that her whole world could just be gone.
She hit the end call button and slammed her hands down onto the kitchen bench, trying to hold back the dam of tears that were forcing to break free. She didn't know how she had any tears left at this point. Not a day had gone by where she had not cried. Two weeks ago at that restaurant she had cried in public in front of a whole room full of people, It would be safe to say that she hadn't been out in public since, her thoughts that for even a second she could be alright, coming to a crashing halt right in front of her eyes.
Lisa pushed herself up from the barstool chair at her kitchen bench and made her way towards the guest bathroom, deciding that showering in here would for some reason make her feel fresher than if she showered in her own.
But, that proved to be a bad idea because there was not one single inch of this house didn't hold a memory of Chaeng. Stepping into the guest bathroom, the flashbacks and memories of Lisa and Chaeyoung making raw, passionate, wild love in this shower all came flooding back into the Thai girls brain. Memories, feelings and sensations that Lisa knew she could never forget.
Stripping off her clothes she turned on the water to the hottest setting and let the scalding water burn when it hit her skin, turning it a violent shade of red. The water sobering her up real quick. But seemingly unable to wash the pain, the sound of Chaeyoung's voice, and the memories of their time in this shower away from her broken mind.
As she ran her fingers through her now wet hair, so many things made their way back to her. Their park dates, the birthday celebrations, the cuddling by candle light when the electricity went out, the reading books in bed together, the sex, the movie nights, their soft cheek kisses. Each memory disappearing as quickly as it came. Anyone else would think this would all be killing her slowly, but as far as she was concerned, she was already dead. Her soul died in that car accident along with the person she had given her heart too.
How much longer could she take all of this? She didn't know.
Not even bothering to get dressed once she had dried off, Lisa wandered out of the bathroom. She curled up in the guest bed, but not before going and getting one of Chae's stuffed animals to keep her company during the night. With her bare skin rubbing against the soft blankets, Lisa shut her eyes and let it in, something she had been trying so hard to block out.
Her head filled with the thoughts of her love, the one person on earth that she knew she could never have a single negative thought about. Her angel. Pleasant memories swirled around in her mind, filling the emptiness inside of her with colour and warmth. Comforting her as she dozed off into her first peaceful sleep since she had lost her.
