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The shopping centre was loud and full of people, a complete contrast to the environment Lisa had been surrounded by for months now. She was having a bit of a hard time walking through the busy corridors, the noises and the fact she felt like everyone was watching her caused her head to feel funny. But, she clung onto Jisoo's arm and walked with her head down.
She hadn't been out in public like this for a while, she had forgotten how busy Seoul could be on a Saturday just after lunch. It all made her feel so anxious. Crowds never used to make her feel like this, but then again, Lisa hadn't been in her right mindset lately.
All she could do was keep her head down and let Jisoo lead her through the busy centre to the coffee club café on the top floor next to the food court. Lisa chose here to have her breakfast/lunch meal blindly without even thinking about how popular it was so there would be lots of people out and about.
She had made a little effort on her appearance at least, something she hadn't been doing much at all recently. But, she had washed her face, brushed her teeth and hair, and found a shirt that was clean. The smile Jennie and Jisoo gave her when they saw she was clean was enough to make her smile back at them. Her tired, worn out smile that the two Korean girls hadn't seen in way too long.
"What do you want Lis?" Jisoo puts a hand on Lisa's shoulder once her and Jennie had taken their seats at the table for 3 at the café restaurant. When they were heading into the café Lisa was well aware that a few people here and there were staring at her, because it was honestly pretty noticeable that she was anxious right now. "I'll pay for all of us, my treat!"
Lisa catches the slightly guilt ridden look that Jennie shoots at her fiancé's offer to pay for the group. But Jisoo just gives Jennie a small smile and places her hand on the others shoulder. "It's okay, I got paid this week, plus I want to."
Lisa sat back in her chair, admiring the two girls in front of her. She watched how Jisoo slid her arm along Jennie's shoulder lovingly, expressing all of her emotions in her touch. She was happy for them. She really was. But that didn't stop her unwelcome sour emotions creeping in.
Jennie and Jisoo deserved one another's love, but Lisa couldn't help being envious of what they have. Why couldn't she have that? Why did it all have to be taken away from her in one fatal swoop?
"Jen?" Jisoo raises her eyebrows at Jennie after giving Lisa a small nod.
"I'll have what Lisa's having please, love"
Jisoo gives the two other girls a nod and heads up to the counter, searching through her purse for her card so she can pay. Jennie on the other hand, looked around, shooting daggers at those who were looking at Lisa, who was not exactly dressed appropriately for the place where they were eating.
"I know they're looking at me, I really couldn't give a fuck." Lisa blurts out louder than she meant to. But she could, and honestly it was starting to make her a little uncomfortable.
"They said it should be ready soon!" Jisoo sat back down at the table in the seat across from Lisa and next to Jennie. "That man at the counter winked at me and wrote his number down on a piece of paper for me! I didn't know what to do so I just stood there with my mouth open and took the paper!".
Lisa nervously shot a side glance at a usually possessive Jennie, expecting her to be a little irritated, but was surprised to see that she was trying to hold in laughter.
"Your gay ass must have been so awkward!" Jennie giggles, sticking her finger out and poking her Jisoo's arm. To Lisa, the brunettes giggle softened the tense air she felt around her. It was as if, for a moment, the gentle sound spilling from her best friends lips could make her aching stop.
The youngest girl focused on the pleasant sound, the smiles of her two closest friends, and the smell of the freshly cooked breakfast that was being placed in front of her. She wasted absolutely no time in reaching for the pepper and shaking it delicately over her eggs and toast. There was some sort of joy in how she felt while doing it. Once she had tucked in and had the heavenly taste on her tongue she found herself happily absorbed by a feeling of love, tenderness and warmth. All was evident in her subtle smile and soft eyes.
Joy. An emotion she thought she could never experience again in this lifetime.
It was all so good.
Until it wasn't.
It all came on so suddenly, and without an apparent trigger. It was like the noises had engulfed her completely, capturing her brain and rendering any logical thought or conclusion impossible.
She hadn't even gotten 3/4 of the way through her poached eggs before she dropped her knife and fork down on the table before covering her ears with her hands, unable to handle it all. She couldn't move, she couldn't breath, she couldn't think. She began to cry.
She was shaking all over. The physical, mental and emotional symptoms unlike anything she has ever experienced; a tightness in her chest so pronounced it made her feel like she was choking, dizziness like she had been hanging upside down for hours, a tingling sensation spreading across her legs and hands.
A panic attack.
Lisa was hyperventilating, shaking and overheating, it was as if she was being held underwater with absolutely no way of coming up for air. Her thoughts racing, faces, words, places. Nothing was making sense.
"Lisa..."
In all the chaos she could hear her name, her name spoken so softly by a voice she wished to God she could hear just one more time. It was beautiful, angelic and delicate.
"Lisa."
The voice grew louder, the soft echoes turning into desperate cries. Everything in her vision grew blurry, the scene before her morphing into something completely unrecognisable. As it grew louder she was trapped in her own thoughts. The girl was pulled through what felt like hell, a state of total nausea and confusion. One second she was living a nightmare, the next there was nothing, only blackness.
"Lisa!"
Jisoo's hands were clamped tightly around her shoulders and she was shaking her body violently, her eyes wide and terrified. The sound of her deep voice pulling her out of her panicked state of mind. Lisa was leaning back in her chair, suddenly aware of the silence in the restaurant and all of the people that had their eyes on her.
With her heart beating in her chest and panting from her shortness of breath, she glanced over at Jennie who had leapt out of her chair and had one hand covering her mouth in shock, not knowing how everything happened so quickly.
"Take me home please."
