🕊
Something about Lisa's mindset had changed. This whole time she had been fighting everything, refusing to let it both in and out. But two weeks ago she let the memories take over her, soak into her brain and let her feel the way she used to.
Yes, she had not stopped crying, and yes it still hurt like hell. But, she had changed in the sense that she didn't feel like she was hurting herself because for the last two weeks she hadn't called anyone, hadn't had meaningless sex to make herself feel good, and had barely consumed any alcohol.
She felt healthier. But only physically, her mental state was most definitely not recovered. She knew that she was not healthy in her head, she was still aching, depressed. But she was feeling okay today. And she hadn't felt okay in a long time. So, she decided to make this feeling last. Because of that, here she was, sitting in the place where one of her strongest memories took place eight and a half years ago.
The café still gave her the same feelings it did back when Chaeyoung kissed her for the first time. But there was one thing that was there now that wasn't there before: Loneliness. She wasn't used to coming here alone.
Lisa sat, reading her book. 'Little Women', one of Chae's favourites. She took in the environment around her, it was busier today, but not too loud. Everyone going about their lives.
She recognised a few of the regulars. The older lady who used to stare at Lisa and Chaeyoung with a look of disapproval because it was obvious they were girlfriends, the middle aged man who once walked in on them kissing around the corner out front of the bathrooms, and the young girl about Lisa's age who always sat in the corner on her laptop.
"Lisa! Oh I haven't seen you in way too long!" Lisa turned her head away from the window to face the direction of the voice, the edges of her mouth curving up into a smile. The older woman standing by Lisa's table made the young girl feel safe, familiar in a way.
"Hey Candice, I know, I'm sorry I haven't been here much lately". Lisa closed her book and placed it down in front of her, politely giving her whole attention to the woman in front of her.
Candice hadn't changed a whole lot. Her warm smile and wrinkled skin was as comforting as it had always been. Except in the few months of Lisa's absence, she had put on a little weight and the grey wisps in her hair had become much more apparent.
"Where is Chaeyoung? You two always come together!"
It seemed to be such a harmless question. It was innocent and Lisa could not at all blame Candice for asking. She mustn't have heard. But it still felt like a knife had been propelled through her chest and was etched deep into her fragile heart.
"Oh... well actually, I thought I'd come alone today." Lisa's voice was quiet. She didn't know why she lied, why she didn't tell Candice the truth. Candice after all, deserved to know the truth. But she had trouble saying it out loud, she couldn't handle having to tell people that her soulmate was no longer here.
The first people she had to tell were Chae's parents and sister. That was so fucking hard. Having to tell the people who raised her and took her in from age 15 that their daughter was dead was one of the hardest things she had ever done. Especially considering she didn't even want to believe the news herself. She sat there, sobbing, wanting nothing more than to be wrapped up in her lovers arms, telling Chaeyoungs parents that she hadn't made it.
"Oh... well tell her I said hi! I've really missed you both." Candice gathers Lisa's empty coffee mug and bare plate, giving her a toothy smile before heading back behind the counter, leaving Lisa trying her hardest not to cry.
