Constellation of the Fearless

15

"Okay ka lang?"

"Yeah. Just, bothered." Sagot ko kay Annyka. It's the birthday of his boyfriend kaya niya kami inaya dito. Me and a couple of college friends went and they're all inside, talking about their lives while I'm here outside, stuck on something. Or someone.

"May nangyari ba?" Annyka and I remained good friends. She's one of my closest ones, actually. Sa tagal ng pinagsamahan naming ay alam na niya kung may problema ako kahit hindi ko siya kausapin. I sighed.

"I saw her earlier."

I saw Annyka move to face me, probably shocked. Honestly, I feel that way too. Uminom ako sa hinahawakang beer.

"'Her'? As in.."

"Yeah." 

I didn't even let her finish dahil iisa lang namang babae ang tinutukoy namin. Annyka knows what happened, well because she's very much involved. She pushed me to fix things with Celine before but I didn't follow her. I didn't want to bother Celine.

"So anong nangyari? Did you finally talk to her?"

Umiling ako. "What's the point?"

"Dude, sinong niloloko mo? It's been four years but I'm sure as hell you're still not over her. I mean look at you now. Bakit hindi mo kinausap?"

It's true that I didn't see the point in talking to her about what happened. But did I really not want to talk to her about it or was it because I felt that she's plainly no longer interested? I scoffed to myself.

"Ewan ko nga." 'yon lang ang naisagot ko kay Annyka. Umayos siya ng tayo at bago umalis ay may sinabi pa siya sa'kin na bumagabag ng isip ko.

"It's so unfair for her part you know, and you're my friend, pero ang gago mo." Pagkasabi ay pumasok na siya ulit para sumama sa kasiyahan sa loob.

Inubos ko ang beer bago sumunod sa kanila. But that night, I found it hard to sleep because everything good that happened four years ago resurfaced on my mind and I couldn't stop replaying them. Kay tagal ko itong kinalimutan tapos isang kita lang sa kaniya, bumalik lahat. Tangina.

She passed out after vomiting earlier. Mabuti na lang hindi siya sumuka sa loob ng sasakyan ko. I honestly would cry if she did.

"Hey." I lightly tapped her arm to wake her up. Kakarating lang naming sa tapat ng bahay niya.

"Celeste? Gising na. Andito na tayo." She didn't even move. Looks like she's too wasted. I tried shaking her shoulders pero ayaw niya pa'ring gumising.

"Celeste." I moved her face to look at me pero hindi pa 'rin mamulat ang mga mata niya. Is she even still breathing?

Nagulat ako nang bigla niyang hinawakan ang kamay kong nakahawak sa mukha niya.