Seeing Blind |NH|

Chapter Twenty Eight

After a night that consisted of zero sleep, I finally got fed up and got out of bed.  For some reason, I decided I needed to clean my entire apartment.  As I did so, I thought about what Melissa had said.  At first, I couldn't understand what on earth had made her draw the conclusions she had come to.  But, by the time I had finished scrubbing out the oven, I did realize she was right about one thing - I wasn't in love with her and I hadn't been all along.  The question remained though as to who she thought I was in love with.  That part I couldn't figure out.

I did decide that maybe a woman's perspective would be useful so I waited until late morning before texting Esta to ask her if she had time to talk to me about something.  She responded fairly quickly and we agreed we'd get lunch together.  I figured her quick response and availability meant Jace wasn't around.

At the appointed time, we met in the hallway.  "Hey, Ni--.  Hey, what's wrong?  You look like shit."

"Long night."

"Everything okay?"  We started walking towards the elevator.

"Melissa broke up with me last night."

"What?  Niall, are you okay?"

"Actually, yeah, I am.  I mean, I'm pretty confused but she did make me realize one thing while telling me I was another." 

We got onto the elevator.  "What does that mean?"

"Well, that's why I wanted to talk with you.  Thought maybe a girl's perspective would help me better understand it."

She nodded.  "Okay, I guess I can attempt to help."

So as we walked to the diner around the corner, I explained to her everything that had happened and everything that was said.  She remained quiet, allowing me to finish speaking before she said anything.

"That is odd.  I mean, when she told us the reason you two got together after initially deciding not to, it seemed a little off."

"What do you mean?"

We sat down at our booth and ordered quickly from the menu before she continued.

"What I mean is, why did Zayn's departure from the band make you think dating some girl who lived on the other side of the world would be a good idea?"

I shrugged, "I don't know.  I had really liked her when we met."

"But, there's a reason you didn't pursue it, in the first place.  What was it?"

I shrugged again.  "I don't know.  I guess maybe I did feel as if the long distance wouldn't work.  It hasn't in the past."

"So why did Zayn leaving change your mind?"

"I guess because I thought it was stupid to not at least try, you know?  What if I had given up on the girl I was supposed to be with?" 

She nodded as she took a sip of her drink.  "Well, I guess I can see that.  But, I guess, in some way your gut was right."

I let out a half laugh, "Yeah, I guess so.  I mean, I did realize, while my head was in the oven, that she was right."

Esta nearly choked on her drink.  "Wait, what?  Your head in the oven?  Oh god, Niall, no one is worth that.  Plus, those things aren't gas, anyway."

"What?"  I then understood what she must've thought I was doing.  "Oh, shit, Esta, no.  I was cleaning it!"

She looked at me a moment before bursting into laughter which in turn caused me to start laughing.  "Oh, damn.  Is that bad of me that my initial thought was that you were trying to off yourself over a girl?"

I calmed down a bit.  "Yeah, a little.  Thanks for the confidence in me, though."

"I'm sorry, Niall.  This isn't funny but it is."

I continued to laugh a bit.  "Yeah, actually, it kinda is."

Our food arrived and we both dug in.  "At least you have an appetite."

"Always."

"Wish it worked for me.  Any time I go through a break up it's like the diet I didn't know I needed."

I looked at her.  "You don't need to go on a diet, Esta."

"I know that, silly.  I'm just saying.  If I ever want to lose a few pounds, I just need to have someone break up with me.  I won't eat properly for days.  You saw me."

I stopped eating.  She was right.  I had seen her go through a break up.  Twice.  And, I knew I'd see her go through at least another whenever Jace decided he had had enough.  And then I remembered last night and how she had appeared to be crying.

"Hey, uh, Esta?"

"Yeah?"

"I wanna ask you something but don't want you to get mad at me."

She stopped eating.  "Umm, okay?"

"Well, last night, when we were all on the elevator, you looked as if you had been crying.  Is everything okay with you?"

"Oh, that.  Yeah.  Jace was just upset that I hadn't left that stupid club with him when we walked out for some air.  I tried to tell him that I hadn't been thinking, which I suppose is true but also...well, he doesn't know about Zayn."

"He doesn't?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Thought it better to just not tell him that I immediately started dating someone else.  That doesn't usually boost anyone's confidence that they may have actually meant something to the other person.  You know?  'Wow, you loved me so much you started banging someone else less than a week later.'  Not really a great feeling.  Plus, I suppose, Zayn was a bit of a rebound, even if I did think he was different."

"No offense, but if he had been a rebound, you wouldn't still be upset just by hearing his name or voice."

She dropped her food.  "Well, Niall, we all process things differently.  Maybe Zayn wasn't a rebound.  Maybe he was.  What fucking difference does it make now?  He isn't here."

I looked at her.  Not wanting her mad at me, I dropped it.  "I guess you're right.  Sorry, Esta. I shouldn't pry.  It's none of my business, anyway."

"No, it's not. I didn't butt into your love life despite wondering where the hell she came from."

"Huh?"

"Melissa.  No offense, Niall, but even if your own gut hadn't told you she wasn't the one for you, I could tell almost immediately."

"What do you mean?"

"Something just didn't feel right, ya know?  I'm not trying to say you don't care about her but," she shrugged, "I don't know how to explain it.  Woman's intuition, I guess.  She seems like a nice girl but, yeah, something just seemed off."  She shrugged again.  "I guess, neither of us is any good at this game, eh?"

I laughed a little.  "Yeah, I'm shit at it.  But, what I don't get is why she thinks I'm in love with someone else.  Like, who else?  Who would I be in love with?  And why didn't she enlighten me by telling me who?"

"Yeah, that does seem odd.  Maybe that was just her excuse?  To make herself feel better about the whole thing."

"Huh?  Maybe."