Seeing Blind |NH|

Chapter Forty Six

I hopped off her bed and placed it down on the table. That was when I noticed the dried flowers in a small little vase next to the lamp. Sunflowers and dahlias.

"You dried them?" I asked.

"Yes," she said, softly.

"Why?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. No one has ever gotten me flowers just because. Jace always did it as a means of begging for forgiveness."

"You deserve a garden full of them."

"One day I hope to have my own wild garden. My favorite book growing up was "The Secret Garden". I want my own secret but not so secret garden one day. Overgrown and wild."

"Just like you," I said, smiling at her.

She smiled back at me. "Am I wild?"

"I think so. In a good way."

She grabbed my arm, "Speaking of, wanna watch a movie?"

"A movie? I thought we came home because you were tired?"

"Well, I guess I've perked up a bit. I wanna spend time with my Niall before he leaves for another several months." She looked at me with sad little pouty eyes. "Please?"

I looked at her. I could never say no to her before tonight and now that I had different feelings, I certainly couldn't say no to her now. "Okay. Be right back."

I went across the hall and quickly changed. On my way back, I grabbed a bag of cookies and chips, figuring she supply the movie, I'll supply the junk food. I went back over and knocked on her door. She answered in her PJs.

"You know, maybe you should just have your own key. I can't keep answering the door for someone I know but I really shouldn't yell 'come in' in case it's a stranger breaking in." She laughed a little.

I sat down on the couch ready for this movie.

"Nope. This way, Niall." She walked into her bedroom carrying a movie.

I walked in and she was putting the movie in the player, grabbing the remote before jumping into her bed. She looked at me.

"Care to join?"

"Uhh, yeah. How come we're watching it in here?" I asked, making my way to her bed. 'Why did she suddenly want to watch movies in bed?'

"In case we fall asleep, might as well be comfortable."

"Ohh, okay."

"Wait! We need drinks. Hold on!" She hopped out of bed and ran towards the kitchen, coming back with two glasses of water. "No more alcohol tonight, eh?"

She handed me a glass and placed a coaster on the bedside table on my side before heading over to her side. She climbed back on top of the covers and settled in, grabbing the bag of chips and opening them up.

"What is this?" I asked.

"The Secret Garden. My favorite version."

I didn't respond. I just watched her as she sat, legs crossed, chips in her lap. Nothing about this was different from any other time, except for the location and my feelings. Which made everything different. And, now, every little thing she did or said, seemed different to me. As if she had been saying all along what she felt, even if she didn't know it yet either. Or maybe she did. Maybe she knew but was too scared to say it so she was finding other ways to say it? I didn't know.

But, now, I knew - I knew how I felt, and it scared the shit out of me. Despite what they said earlier, our friends weren't sure she felt the same way. But we all agreed she didn't need to jump into another relationship. So now, with these newfound feelings, I couldn't even act on it. Not yet. And I didn't know how I was going to continue on being her friend when now all I wanted was to be something more to her.

She turned to look at me. Smiling, she scooted back closer to me, so her back was slightly leaning against me while also not. She offered me the chips I had brought. But, I found I couldn't eat.

"You okay?" she asked. "You look a little pale." She raised her hand to my forehead and then my cheeks. "You do seem a little hot."

I looked at her, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired. I may just end up falling asleep here."

"That's fine. Get comfy, Niall." She leaned in and pecked my cheek. I felt my face flush. "You're so cute when you blush."

I looked up at her. She smiled at me before turning back to the movie. Taking in a deep breath, I tried to relax. Despite what I said, I was not okay. Not anymore. I was in love with my best friend. And I now needed to know if she was in love with me.

At the same time, I was terrified of finding out. What if she wasn't? What if they were wrong about everything?

What if I was now stuck loving her while she had no desire to love me? What if I had just been fucked over in our friendship?

I didn't know what I was going to do at the end of the next several weeks other than go home. Maybe that's what I would need though in order to sort out everything in my head. I could watch her and see if I could figure it out.

I had started making plans to travel prior to this, maybe if I came to the conclusion she liked me, I'd take her with me. As the movie played out in front of me, a different one played out in my head. Me and Esta, doing our own traveling. And me, showing her what it could really be like with the right guy. She leaned further into me and I wrapped my arm around her shoulder. Smiling, I kissed the top of her head. Happy with my plan.