Seeing Blind |NH|

Chapter Fifty Six

"That was..." she started.

"Wow," I finished for her.

"Yeah." 

I felt her start tapping her fingers on my chest as we fell into silence again.  A few minutes had to have gone by before I finally broke it.  "Esta?"

"Hmmm?"

"What are you thinking?"

"Oh god, so many things."

"Good things?"

"Yes.  And scary things."

"Scary?"

"Yeah."

"What do you mean?"

The tracing of my skin she had been occupied with ceased.  "Niall....how long...how long have you...wanted to do this?"

"Honestly?  A while. According to others a lot longer than I was even aware of but I've actively and knowingly wanted to kiss you for months.  I never dreamed it would lead to this.  Well, that's a lie, I dreamed it would.  I never actually thought it would happen...in real life."

"Why didn't you say something?  Or ask me out?"

"You were with someone else.  And then you weren't."

"Oh."

She went quiet.  "Esta?"

"Hmmm?"

"What about you?  How long have you wanted this?"

"Oh, I've wanted to kiss you for quite some time, Niall.  I think I just kept hoping the urge would go away."

"Why?"  I stopped and moved enough to look down at her. 

She looked up at me.  "Because you're my best friend."  She propped herself up on her elbow.  "What if this wasn't a mutual thing?  What if we've just ruined everything?"

"I don't think that's possible."

"You sound quite certain in that assertion."

I laughed a little, "I don't know about that but still, I don't think we've ruined anything.  I think we've just turned down the road we were inevitably going to be on.  At least, that's what Harry would like us to think.  It's what Harry has had me thinking for the past several months.  But, like I said, I wasn't so sure it was ever going to happen."

"Harry?"

"Yeah, he kind of brought this to my attention."

"Huh?"

"How I felt about you.  And how he thought you felt about me."

"What do you mean?"

"Back in November..."

"November!"

"Yes, November.  Back in November, he and Kendall kind of forced me to see what they all apparently have seen since the day they met you.  And I admit, I panicked.  I didn't want to know any of that because I immediately got scared that our friendship was ruined.  That by having feelings for you, it would ruin everything.  But, when I voiced these concerns to Harry, he simply said that wasn't that how all love stories started out - as friends."

She had laid her head back down on my shoulder and was tracing her fingers in abstract shapes across my chest.  She didn't say anything.

"When did you know something was different?"

"November."

Now it was my turn to be taken aback by November.  "November, eh?"

She giggled a little.  "Yeah. But, to be honest, there's always been something about the way everything was so easy with you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you've always been a bit more carefree and you seem to love life.  And you never seemed to get mad at me for being the way I am.  And you've always looked out for me since the day we met."

"I do believe you looked out for me the day we met.  You did help me move in without even getting my name."

She laughed a little, "Forgot about you getting that dolly stuck."  She paused for a moment.  "Seriously though, you've always been there for me.  You've seen me through multiple breakups.  Been the only one to get me through them in as few broken pieces as possible.  I guess, maybe, Harry's right in thinking this is just the natural progression of things."

"Did you know I felt the same?"

"There were moments, but I think I knew for sure that morning you once again calmed the fears in my head.  You told me I needed someone in my life who would lift me up and let me be me.  You were clearly talking about yourself because you were the first person I thought of when I said that.  I already had that person in my life who always makes me feel special.  And the way you looked at me when you said that...no one has ever looked at me like that before." 

The smile that had appeared on my face while she spoke, I don't think could've been taken away had anyone tried at that moment.

"Plus, you've always been so easy to talk to and share things with.  I mean, our conversations went from random, silly, pointless banter to progressively longer and deeper conversations, especially about my past, which I don't share with anyone, and what we both want for the future.  Everything became more meaningful.  And, I found that the highlight of my day was hearing your voice or seeing your face; spending time with you.  I mean, I've never been one to sit and not talk.  You even asked me that before and I answered honestly.  You're the only one I can sit in a comfortable silence with and not feel the need to fill it; just sitting next to you makes me happy.  I don't need anything else.  And, I guess in those quiet moments, I came to realize that every touch, every hug, every kiss of my forehead, meant so much more to me.  And when you said what you said, I realized why everything had been changing.  We were changing the way we felt about each other."   

She stopped talking.  I didn't say anything because I was processing everything she had said while also processing my own joy. 

"So," I paused, "Are we gonna try this?" I asked, timidly.

She propped herself back up on her elbow and looked back down at me.  "What do you want, Niall?"

"You.  I want you. I've wanted nothing but you for the last several months and more. I want your sleepy confused look when you wake up in the morning.  I want to be the warmth that fills the space in your bed.  I want to be the sheets your fingers crave at night; the blanket that wraps around you all night.  I want to drink coffee with you while we share the story of our day.  I want to talk with you, be stubborn and quick witted with you.  I want your flaws.  All of them.  I want to dive into the deepest corners of your mind knowing that I will never get bored.  I want to be surprised by the new all the time.  I want to look at you like a movie - one of your Golden Age movies - and get lost in your world."

"Good." I could see her lips turn up into a smile.  "You always surprise me with how well you can voice your thoughts and feelings so eloquently."

I brought my hand up to her face, picking up a strand of hair that had fallen across her eye, moving it back behind her ear.  "And what do you want?"

She bent down and whispered into my ear, "You."

"Good," I said, bringing my hand up to the back of her head and turning her face towards me, allowing my lips to trace hers before placing pressure on them and kissing her again.

"This is going to be a fun night, isn't it?" She said, between kisses.

I laughed a little, "It's already been fun.  Just now, it's only going to get better."