𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫 ; 𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗄𝗂 ✓

10

t: tulip for the declaration of love
𑁍

hanahaki;
the hanahaki disease [ 하나하키병 (kor.); 花吐き病 (jap.); 花吐病 (chi.)] is a fictional illness that causes the patient to cough and throw up the petals and flowers of a flowering plant growing in their lungs when they suffer from unrequited or one-sided love.
if untreated, eventually the flower grows large enough to render breathing impossible, causing the victim to die from suffocation.
the patient has the option for surgical removal of the plants' roots, but this excision also has the effect of removing the patient's capacity for romantic love.
it may also erase the patient's feelings for and memories of the enamoured.
in order to fully recover from the disease, one's genuine love must be fulfilled.

𑁍

kihyun was sitting next to the bed that was put in the middle of the room. he has been there since last night, when changkyun got admitted to the hospital. he hasn't been eating, sleeping or doing anything but worry about the younger. all this time he just sat there, thinking. he thought back to all of the dreams he had. and because he now remembered, all the memories he created with changkyun came back as well. from way back to their childhood, when they still were best friends and all the time they have spent together. he remembered the process of him evolving these feelings for the younger and he remembered how he was too scared to tell changkyun the truth about how he felt towards him. for years he hid his emotions from his friend until he eventually couldn't bear it anymore. literally. he remembered every moment of himself getting worse through the disease and he remembered how hard he tried to keep it a secret from him, knowing that changkyun was not stupid. of course his friend noticed that he wasn't okay and that he has been hiding some very important information from the younger, who should know about things like that, especially as his best friend. but what was kihyun supposed to do? just tell him the truth as if it's some usual concern and ruin their so special bond over a stupid thing like this? never would the older risk that. kihyun would never tell him the truth. that at least, until it was too late.

///
all kihyun wanted, was for his suffering to stop.
it started almost a year ago, but over the past few months it got a lot worse. he started coughing up blood too. changkyun, his best friend was the reason. kihyun fell in love with him a long time ago, but he always kept quiet. he wouldn't ever talk about it. why?
because one sided love is painful. so, so painful.
kihyun thought that loving changkyun the way he did, was the most he could ever feel for anybody. but he was wrong. his feelings grew even stronger ever since his cousin had died. changkyun was always there for him, helping him get over this hardship. he did everything in his power to make kihyun feel better. he stayed over almost every night back then.
he just wanted to be there for him and he would not leave his side if kihyun wouldn't want that.
he was his best friend.
ever since their childhood, they were inseparable.
but as kihyun's feelings for him started growing stronger and eventually took over, it became difficult. unbearable. kihyun loved him so much, but changkyun could never feel the same, right?
he couldn't tell him about it though, he shouldn't find out about how he felt. what if that would ruin their friendship? what if changkyun would leave him because of it? he wouldn't take that as a risk. and so on, his pain got worse and the amount of petals he coughed up grew as well. they were blue, a light blue. they symbolize love, desire and the beauty of things. it was kihyun's favourite color. there actually were some days where the older was as close as ever to tell his friend about everything. he thought about it every single day, imagining scenerios over scenarios of how it could turn out. but all of them seemed to end in them parting ways. and that was the least thing he wanted- for their friendship to end just because of his stupid feelings. but he couldn't just 'turn it off' either. he wasn't the one in control.
and kihyun's parents couldn't bear watching their son suffer like that much longer. they were keen on getting his surgery in order to get kihyun out of his misery.
and so, without the older knowing, they told changkyun one day. the younger asked kihyun about it and that was when he told him everything. finally.
changkyun was heartbroken.
why did he not tell him how much he had suffered all this time? how did it stay unnoticed by himself for such a long time? he hated seeing his best friend like that.
and as much as changkyun did love him, it would never be enough to get kihyun out of his misery. at least that's what he thought. but back then, there was one thing changkyun did not know about yet. none of them did, so changkyun practically begged kihyun to get the surgery. both of them knew the consequences. they knew that kihyun would forget changkyun. all the memories they had created together, they would be erased. kihyun hated the idea and changkyun was not happy either. not at all, but he would not let kihyun suffer any longer. not because of him. he just couldn't.
and to that, he tried his best to convince kihyun to get the surgery. he didn't want his best friend to be hurting only because of him. it wasn't worth it. he wasn't.
but of course, kihyun refused. he didn't want to forget changkyun. he didn't want to lose his best friend. not like that. not out of this reason. but as time passed, he couldn't seem to keep up with the pain anymore. it kept getting worse and he didn't want changkyun to feel bad, or guilty because he simply couldn't return those feelings. not truly. it wasn't his fault, but the younger kept blaming himself for it. and so, kihyun gave up. he agreed on getting the surgery on a heavy heart. for changkyun's sake, for his parent's sake and for his own. changkyun told him it was okay.
he said it was alright. and kihyun believed it. why?
not sure to be honest, but he did.
...

after the surgery, he woke up in the hospital.
his parents were with him, they told him they had a car crash that caused him to lose some of his memories.
it sounded plausible, yet kihyun felt uneasy, but at that time he didn't quite know why yet. why would his parents lie in such a situation? it wouldn't make sense, so he took it as it was. he didn't question what he was told. in the end, he couldn't remember what really happened. he forgot.
and just like that, the memory of his best friend was erased; changkyun was erased.
///

☁︎·̩͙✧࿐

there was one thing kihyun did not know about though, something that had happened right after he got the surgery. changkyun stood outside the hospital room. he was watching them, as kihyun talked to his parents after he woke up that day. the older didn't even notice that someone was standing there. and changkyun honestly didn't know how to feel as he watched them. kihyun looked so happy. the smile the older had on his lips was one the younger hasn't seen in a while. he watched his every move with a heavy heart. maybe it was just him being selfish, but he hated this. so, so much. he told himself it was okay, because kihyun was safe now. he told himself that he was going to be okay because now, kihyun was too. he told himself that he could be happy again because kihyun was now. he told himself that the tears running down his face were tears of happiness, tears of relief to see that his best friend, that kihyun was fine now but deep, deep down he knew that this was everything but true. yet, he turned around and he smiled.
he smiled for kihyun.

he was fine, right? he was okay. he promised him, so he had to be. he wanted to be strong for the older. so he tried, but as soon as changkyun had finally collected the courage he needed to leave, to let go, he had to cough.

and then, suddenly,
one single flower petal had fallen to the floor.