from august to december

chapter eighteen

!
trigger warning, addiction

flashback, three years ago;

"you can't just go, yuri, that's now how it's supposed to be!" eden begged, his eyes filled with hot tears, while a few of them already streamed down his soft cheeks.

his entire face was swollen from sobbing his eyes out, irregularly breathing and choking on his own spit.

he wanted to scream, to let all of his frustration out, and it drove him even more mad when yuri just looked at him, no expression in his eyes.

"i don't fucking care how it's supposed to be, you're a junkie, an addict and you're gonna ruin everything sooner or later," he hissed, his eyes becoming more and more dark, he tossed his finished cigarette into the grass that was covered in bright, white snow and hid his hands in his pockets.

it was december, somewhere around four pm and it was cold, small snowflakes dropping down from the cloudy sky.

"i'm not, i swear i'll change!" eden continued to speak, losing himself by the minute as he felt his lover drifting away from him.

he felt as if he had lost the last rock in the riptide that kept him from drowning.

the empty box of pills still in his blue turned hands from the cold.

"you know what, i don't think you ever will, eden," yuri snorted, but the smile faded as quickly as it crossed his face, instead he looked dead serious, not feeling a single drop of pity in his body.

even when the other sunk to his knees. wrapping his arms around his legs, holding so tightly that yuri couldn't move.

the snow melted under his skin, he felt the cold water against it, working its way through his pants, he was freezing in just his shirt and some joggers.

not to mention his clothes were already wet.

while yuri was covered in a warm winter coat.

that's also what it felt like psychologically, the black haired completely exposed to his love, however the older was still welly covered and didn't need to worry about the cold slapping him in the face.

"promise me you won't leave, you won't leave right? we'll go through this together, you'll help me, right?" eden was compulsively repeating these words, more or less to himself than to the other.

because he just stared at a spot in the snow.

"i saw it. i saw you laying on the bathroom floor passed out from all the drugs you were taking-"

"i wanted to feel, i wanted to know what it feels like to be normal!"

eden's voice was thin, high pitched as he squeezed these heavy words out of his throat.

"there's so much wrong with you."

in fact, the younger's hair was also still wet from the bathroom incident earlier when he had lost control of himself and just didn't turn off the water tap from the bathtub.

a blanket wrapped around his body that he had forgotten there when he saw yuri storming inside and exiting as quick as he had entered.

he should've been there for him and supported him, but that didn't cross his mind.
that wasn't who he was.

eden, however, continued to sob, hiding his face in yuri's pants when he suddenly moved out of his grips.

"no, no don't go." his breathing was fast, he didn't know what to do, he tried reaching out for his lover, but it was cold.

he was gone, and these were his last words.

"there's so much wrong with you."

there wasn't a goodbye, there wasn't a hug, a single comforting kiss on his cheek like always when yuri left.

because usually, he would come back, but this time, he wouldn't, it felt like he wouldn't.

the at the time blond haired felt his heart break into a million pieces, and as if that wasn't enough, somebody continued to stab it with the sharpest sword in the universe, making him cry out in pain.

he was kneeling there, in the snow, screaming his lungs out and tossing the box of pills as far away as possible.

he had left him.
because he couldn't deal with him.

and the black haired was always a very difficult person, but how could one be so cold?

in these seconds, it felt like everything was his fault, like his entire world was spinning around, but that could have still been the effects of the drugs.

"fuck," he breathed out, letting go of his strong emotions and facing reality.

"fuck, fuck, fuck, what do i do?" he cursed, getting up and trying to hopelessly run in the direction yuri went off.

but as expected, he was nowhere to be found.

a smoke of air built when he breathed out sharply, he was already out of breath even after running just a few miles down the street.

eden's eyes filled up with sharp tears again, making his eyes burn, snot was dripping from his nose and he just carelessly wiped it away.

he was numb.

but he realized one thing, there was no point in running after him.

he would never be found again.

for years.