Superflash: Far From Home

Chapter 13: Hold On

Previously on Superflash: Far From Home

I'm sorry Alex, Clark, Barry, Cait, Winn, Cisco, everyone. I love you all.

That was the last of Kara's thoughts before the world went dark around her and silence ensured, cut briefly by a familiar shout of her name before she faded out of consciousness.

"KARA!"

(A/N Warning: This chapter is pretty intense so prepare yourselves)

***

Sometimes Barry hated being a hero.

He could not deny the thrill that comes when he runs, the sense of freedom he feels as his feet cover such great distances in a short amount of time, the feeling of being free, like the ground can't keep him chained in one place for so long, where for a moment he can forget all his current troubles as Barry Allen and focus on saving people, being the Flash, the feeling of accomplishment and completeness that comes whenever he saved the day, knowing that he changed the world, however little change it may be, for the better, for good. He wouldn't have it any other way, being the Flash, being a hero, that is a part of who he is, a part that will never go away for as long as he lives.

But at same time the burden of responsibilities that comes with being a hero could cripple him, break him in the most agonizing of ways. He knows this, he lived through it. The murder of his mother is something that to this day still haunts him, reminds him that everything he loves, everyone he holds dear could be taken away from him within a blink of the eye. A reminder that no matter how hard he tries, there would always be people he couldn't save, that death no matter how powerful one is, is inevitable.

Especially when it claims those around him, the people he loves.

He had witnessed death many times, had almost surrendered to it a handful of times, had survived from its tempting, dark waters that amplifies his insecurities, his darkest secrets and thoughts. He had glimpsed the darkness that resides in the light, watching, waiting for the perfect moment for him to slip up and swallow him whole. He had the desire to kill before, to retake justice for all the wrong doings Thawne had done for ruining his life, to get rid of the most vile and horrible person on the planet, one who taunts and mocks him, the one who triggered it all. It would have been so easy, to just shove his vibrating hand in his chest and end him right then and there.

It would have been easy, but it would have been wrong.

Barry knew that even though Thawne deserved all the pain he wanted to inflict on him, to kill him in the most painful of ways, he also knew that doing so would kill a part of himself, fuel the darkness that he knows resides in him.

Because if he kills Thawne, what would that make him? The very thing that he protects the city from, murders, psychos, villains.

No, murder was not the answer. It should never be the answer, at least not unless there was no other choice.

But there always is a choice, one that everyone must make for themselves. Those choices are the ones that will determine what kind of person one can become, what kind of person one is.

Barry knows all of this, but that doesn't always mean that it makes his job any easier as a superhero, it doesn't make the loss and grief that leaves a huge, gaping hole in his heart hurt any less.

And he hates it, he absolutely hates feeling helpless when he knows he could've done something to prevent it from happening, that he could have ended the threat in the first place so such casualties never would have occurred.