Pain and Despair

Love

It rained. It rained non-stop since the day Gaara died. It was as if the heavens were crying that the earth had lost its angel.

The birds didn't sing, the crickets didn't chirp. Life had took a wrong turn. Rain fell like never before. The rain wasn't mad, it was sad as the soft sound of rain hitting the ground was the only thing Naruto heard.

He was shirtless in a corner, with his knees to his chest. He hadn't slept in weeks. Only getting minutes of sleep or else he'd dream of the night Gaara died.

He hadn't eaten. He hasn't bathed. He looked and felt like shit. He was in the corner smoking a cigarette with a bottle of vodka sitting beside him.

His eyes were red, his head hurt. He had become so empty and heartless that he hasn't even cried for his dead brother.

'Am I even human? I can't shed one tear for Gaara. Not one. How the fuck can I call myself his brother if I can't cry for him. It should have been me. Why him? He was a fucking angel! Why the fuck does God hate me so much? Why am I so miserable? They are holding a funeral for him today and I didn't even go'

Two weeks after Gaara's death, they had held a funeral for him. Sasuke and Neji had reconciled, but at what cost? Gaara dying? That's the cost? It doesn't seem real. Not real at all.

The strongest pillar that Naruto had, was destroyed. It felt as if he had nothing. Nothing at all. Sure he had his girlfriend and someone else he considered his brother. But they don't compare to Gaara. Gaara can't be replaced. Naruto knew that. Yet he was too scared to even help him.

If only he had helped Gaara the way Gaara had helped him when they first met, he'd be alive and well. Naruto wouldn't be in a corner smoking a fuck ton of cigarettes and drinking hella alcohol if he had only did something.

He hates himself, he blames himself for everything. He blames himself for being born. If he hadn't been born his mother wouldn't have died and his father wouldn't have gone crazy.

He blames himself for trusting Iruka, if he hadn't trusted Iruka, he and Gaara wouldn't have met which meant that Gaara would be alive right now.

He can't imagine a world without him. But now he's living in a world without him. A dark, sad, and broken world is what he lives in now. Naruto had sunken into the darkness yet again. He hasn't felt so empty ever. He wanted to cry but he couldn't.

"Can't even shed a tear for me Naruto?"

Naruto shakes as he hears the voice of his dead brother coming from in front of him.

"Look up Naruto. Don't worry I'm not alive. I'm merely here as... How can I say it? Reassurance? Reassurance that it's going to be ok? Yeah that! Only you can see me Naruto. And it's once too. This is my actual goodbye though. So I bet there's a lot going in your head right now huh?"

Naruto looks up as he sees a hallucination of his brother. He shined.

"Come on answer me! I'm sure you know it's rude to ignore someone right?"

"Why do you seem so happy that you're dead?"

"See that's the thing, I'm not happy. It's quite the opposite actually. I hate the fact that I'm leaving you alone again and that your stuck with these people that we even considered friends."

"W-what do you mean?"

"I can't tell you, I don't wanna break you more than you already are Naruto."

"S-so then why are you here?"

"To reassure you that it'll be ok-"

"OK?! YOUR FUCKING DEAD HOW IN THE FUCK IS IT GOING TO BE OK? WITHOUT YOU I'M JUST EMPTY GAARA! HOW CAN YOU STAND THERE ACTING LIKE IT'S ALL GOOD?! WITHOUT YOU IT'S A BLUE WORLD GAARA! TELL ME PLEASE!!! PLEASE WHY ARE YOU ACTING SO FUCKING COOL ABOUT IT?"