Never Alone || Carchelle

Carla

I stand outside the pub breathing heavily, heart pounding so loudly I can barely hear the sounds of the street. The entire street appears to be blurred by my unshed tears and I cannot shake the feeling of his hands on my body. Michelles' face flashes before my eyes and my heart clenches. Sorry Chelle... I'm so sorry! I think as I lean against the pubs outside wall. I finally feel my head clearing and I shakily stagger to my feet and head back to our flat. I stop part way there feeling someone's eyes on me and turn around but nobody is there. I place my hand on my stomach protectively and continue on through the sparsely lit, dim street. I drop my keys as I reach the door and squat to get them and as I stand back up, keys in hand, my heart freezes in pure fear. For there, standing against my neighbours door, is none other than Frank... And I am once again alone... He steps towards me, muttering something tauntingly "STAY AWAY FROM ME!" I panic as I frantically ram the key in the lock, turning it just as he's within reach of me. I fall into the flat, shaking like a leaf and slam the door shut. His shadow filters through the barred glass, haunting me like a ghost. I gasp for breath, stuttering and choking as I back away from the front door, sliding backwards on the floor, triggering myself in the process. I try desperately not to focus on the overwhelming feeling of being watched, of being in danger, of him, of being back there again... I feel his hands banging me against the door and I sink to the floor, nausea rising like an untamed tide inside me. I try to call Michelle but the images and feelings swarm my mind before I can dial the number and I'm back there. 

"I want you to leave now!" I demand, heading like a gunshot towards the door, my heart hammering. I hear his footsteps behind me as I wrench open the door but he slams against me, pushing the door closed. He grabs my shoulders harshly, forcing me round to face him and as I look in his eyes, my heart shudders to a halt. He smashes me into the door time and time again, ignoring the whimpers of pain escaping my dry lips. He's breathing like a caged tiger and staring at me with hatred beyond what I have seen in him before. My mind flashes back to the moment Maria tried to warn me about what Frank attempted with her "He assaulted me" I hear her cry and panic takes over. I try to wriggle out of his grasp, to escape out the door but his grip is too hard, too fierce. "Let me go" I demand and he laughs as he pushes me away from the door. I fall backwards, smashing into my kitchen counter, letting out a pained groan in the process as I collapse sideways to the cold wooden floor. I try to slide backwards away from the man I once loved, who's now leering over me like a lion who's trapped his pray. I loose a shoe in the process but in my haze of fight or flight, I don't notice. I hit my head against the island counter and wince. Frank reaches down at that moment and grips my ankle, pulling me towards him. "No... let me go" I plea as I struggle pointlessly against his power. He yanks me up by my wrists when I finally end up at his feet and my other shoe gets left behind in my feeble attempts to run away. He kisses me with such force it takes me breath away, his hands are clawing at my blouse, ripping several of the buttons off the once pristine shirt. They scatter, clinking ominously against the wooden floor. He releases my mouth "No, please don't! Let me go! STOP! PLEASE STOP! NO! LEAVE ME ALONE" I scream. His hands slide up my waist, pulling at my breasts from on top of my blouse, until his hands grasp them, pulling the bra out the way, leaving me exposed. He licks his lips, staring at me for a while and I stare at him, like a rabbit stuck in the headlights. I'm frozen, unable to move, unable to focus. Terror washes over me as I realise what's about to happen as he forces me to the floor, caring little for the bruises now forming on my knees and as I scream out for someone to help me, I hear the sound of  a zipper being pulled and out the corner of my eye, I see his trousers fall to the floor. "NO NO NO!" I cry as he pins me down, tearing at my skirt.

"NO PLEASE NO!" I cry as I linger half in the reality of real life, half in the endless feeling of that fateful night. I gasp in pain as I feel him enter me forcefully, I hear his moans, his pants of delight, hear my own screams echoing through the flat and though I know somewhere deep down, he's not here, it sure as fuck doesn't feel that way... I scratch at my clothes, my hand glazing over my bump, unable to fully escape the feelings cursing through my body, but the scratching eases it a tad. Three minutes pass painfully slowly, till he's finally done, the feeling of his release fills my entire body with fear, dread and the dire need to be clean again, the zipper being done up, breaks the curse in my mind and the tears fall hard and fast as I come crashing back to earth, back to the present day.  I gasp frantically for breath, trying to not pass out but when I come back to, I realise I must have failed anyway. My daughter kicks hard and I flee to the bathroom, my hand latching itself to my mouth, trying to keep the vomit at bay till I reach the toilet. I sink to my knees, throwing up in the toilet, tears mixing with the stains on my chin and shirt. And before I know it, there's a razor in my hand being dragged deeply against my wrist. The pain snaps me back to reality and I gasp. My wrist is sliced in five different places, each one deeper than the other and I know I need Michelle here now! I scramble backwards out the bathroom, grabbing the towel off the rack and my shaky hand dials Chelles number. She picks up after on ring "Carla? Where are you? Are you ok?" She exclaims and I burst into tears "I... I... he... he's..." I stammer "Calm down darling, where are you? I'm at the medical centre across from the flat, I'm being checked out after what Robert did... Do you remember?" Chelle asks gently and I sob hysterically down the line "Heyyy... Love... talk to me" Michelle soothes "I'm... The flat.... I... you... here... please" I gasp and I hear her moving "I'm coming now love, can you open the door?" She asks "Frank... He... saw him outside" I splutter desperately "It's ok, I've got Johnny with me love... I'm alright... I'm outside, can you let me in?" she says and I stumble towards the door, unlocking it and falling into her arms. I vaguely hear her say something to Johnny and then we're inside. Chelle's sprayed perfume onto my good wrist and is rubbing my back gently as she sings something to me. I hardly hear what she's saying to me but my heartbeat slows gradually. She leads me over to the sofa, sitting me down, surrounded by fluffy pillows and blankets, which I wrap myself in as I lean against Chelle. My heartbeat returns back to normal, only to pick up again when there's a knock on the door "It's Johnny" Chelle says "Can I go let him in?" and I nod, curling up on the sofa, hugging the small white teddy Michelle got me weeks ago and breathing deeply and slowly. Michelle returns within a minute "Am I ok to come in?" I hear her ask and I slowly reply "Yeah" and watch from fear filled eyes, as she comes back into the room. "I got Johnny to get us some medical supplies... We need to tend to these" Chelle gestures to my wrist, still wrapped in it's bloodied towel. "I'm sorry" I stammer and Chelle smiles sadly at me "It's ok baby. Let me help" and I gently place my wrist and the towel, in her warm hands. She looks at the cuts "Well, they're not too bad... Can I ask what happened?" She says softly as she sprays wound wash on the cuts. I yelp and refrain from yanking my wrist out of her hand "Sorry" Chelle murmurs, brushing the hair from my bloodshot eyes. She looks at me "Are you ok?" she asks and I shrug "Will be." I reply. I watch as she gently places sterry-strips across the deepest two cuts before she tapes down a selection of plasters, followed by bandages. She tapes the bandage securely to itself and then looks at me "All done" She chirps and I flash her a small smile "Do you need anything?" Chelle inquire and I frown "A hug?" I timidly ask and she pulls me into her arms and I fall apart again "I'm so sorry Chelle... I'm so sorry! I let you down! I know I did... He... I... Frank.... I saw Frank! He was outside... He came... He tried to... I couldn't breathe... I was there... I was there... I could feel him Chelle... I could feel everything again and I couldn't.... I can't go through that again..." I blurt out through the body wracking sobs howling from my lips and I feel her growl and then sigh, before she says "it's all ok... It'll be ok... just breathe... just breathe love, I'm here... I'm here darling, it'll be ok... I won't ever leave you... I won't ever leave you".