Never Alone || Carchelle

Michelle

Beep beep beep beep beep I groan reaching for my alarm but my arms don't move. I growl and open my eyes. The world's a blinding shade of white and as my eyes adjust, my heart sinks as a ceiling appears above me. I turn my head, wincing at the stiffness of my neck and the machines at my bedside, beep irritatingly at me. I huff realising I'm in a hospital and try to tear my arms out of the restraints but I have no luck. I sit up, swearing under my breath as the door to my room flies open and Johnny rushes in. "Michelle Thank god you're alive!" he exclaims and I glare at him as I flop backwards onto the bed. He sits besides me bed for hours, trying to get me to talk but I refuse to say  a word. Carla hates me  my brain keeps thinking. I'm wishing more and more as time goes on, that I had died, because a world without Carla talking to me, is a world not worth living in. She's my everything. She's been there through thick and thin with me and the moment she gets pregnant, I fuck things up by being too full of pain to deal with the fact she's about to become a mother. But she told Steve about Rauri... my mind fires back at me and my heart sinks again. I miss my son I think sadly, wishing I could see his little face again but he's gone... 

Time slips by softly, I have no idea how long I have been here, for each moment is filled with pain and heartbreak. Kate, Aiden and Steve come by trying to get me to talk but I'm too wrapped up in my own thoughts and the pain throbbing in every inch of my being, to care what they're even saying. I hear a baby crying and frown. I go to move my arms but remember they're still locked up and I cry out in frustration "LET ME OUT!" and to my surprise a nurse does so. I flex my arms and sigh in relief. I drift in and out of sleep for the longest time, every time I wake, I hear a baby crying for a second before it quietens down and I finally manage to drift off into a fitful sleep. 

I wake again, and my eyes fall on a baby on my bed. "Hello" I whisper as I pick it up. My heart stops as I catch sight of the childs face "Rauri?" I gasp as he wriggles in my arms and for the first time, I smile widely. He's playing with our matching necklaces and by doing so, is pulling at my heart strings. I hear someone else say something but I pay no attention, my son in my arms, taking all my focus. "I'm so sorry my little man" I choke out and he gurgles happily in my arms, playing with my hair and I grin "I love you" I whisper as I kiss his head. Someone touches my arm asking "What are you doing love?" and I look up at them "This is Rauri" I say showing them my gorgeous son "Rauri's dead Michelle" Kate mutters sadly and I shake my head "He's right here" I say booping his nose. Kate leaves me alone and I feel content as I rock my son to sleep in my arms "I love you so much little man... I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry mamma let you down" I curl up, watching him as he sleeps, starting a little as someone knocks on the door. I glance up and my eyes meet Carlas. "You came" I murmur softly as I play with Rauris tiny fingers. Carla sits down on the chair and look at me, confusion plastering itself on her face "Rauri came back Carla" I grin sleepily and she smiles, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. Her hands resting on her stomach and as I slip back into the darkened world of sleep, I can hear Carla singing our song softly 

"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please, don't take my only sunshine away". 

My eyes flutter open and catch sight of a sleeping Carla slumped in the chair. My hand goes to find Rauri and hits the bed. I gasp "Rauri!" and leap out of bed, searching for him everywhere. Carla sleepily looks at me as she wakes and gently comes and joins me on the floor as I look under the bed "Chelle?" she asks and I look at her "Rauri... I need to find him" I whimper. Carla sighs sadly and catches me hands in her own. Her eyes are wet as she looks at me "Chelle love... Rauri... He died last year... Remember?" she asks and I stare at her "You're wrong... He was here... He was here..." I sob as I break down, memories of Rauri flooding my brain, shocking me back into reality as I howl on the wooden floor as the pain shatters my heart again. Carla wraps her arms around me and rocks me gently "It's ok... It'll all be ok" she hums. I frown feeling her fingers threading themselves through my hair and sit up. I reach out and touch her face and gasp "You're here... SHIT! Fuck! What are you doing here? Leave me alone!" as I shuffle backwards, her earlier words echoing around my head. She follows me, sitting down on my bed as I bury under the covers "GO AWAY CARLA!" I scream into the blanket but the bed dips as she moves closer. "Chelle... I broke up with Frank because I have feelings for you" she states and I backtrack out from the blanket "You what?" I snap, staring at her in disbelief. She repeats herself and I stare at her "How the fuck am I supposed to believe you after what you did?" I growl. Carla sniffs and looks at the floor "Leave me alone" I whisper, turning away. Carla gets up off the bed and I hear her footsteps coming round to the other side. I grunt as she plops down on the bed again. She lies down next to me and places my hand on her stomach. Her brown eyes meet mine and she smiles sadly through the tears dripping off her nose "I'm so sorry for everything I said Chelle... I was jealous... But I  can't lose you Chelle... I nearly killed you...". Silence falls briefly and she looks at me, her eyes brimming with unshed tears and my heart heals a tad... "I'm sorry too" I mutter. Carla jumps as we both feel a soft kick from her stomach "Did you?" she asks and I grin "Lil bug kicked!" I exclaim and we both stare at each other, the new life being formed inside my best friends womb, gently tapping our clasped hands, reminding us of how precious life is... And suddenly the pain held in my heart, slowly slips away as my world rights itself and floods with newfound hope and light....