What Belongs to Me [COMPLETE]

Prologue

January 2010

It has been three years now since I met him and been a long time now since I last saw him, and even if I close my eyes, it's still there, it's here! I can still smell this very strong manly scent coming from the mixture of his perfume and sweat, I can still recall this fragrance that has been putting me in complete euphoria all through these years.

But now, I'm well aware that this is a dream and it is long overdue. And that this is leading me nowhere but to the fantasy world that I kept on enslaving myself with. But even so, why do I kept searching for it, I kept reaching for his slender tanned arm, hit by the morning sun causing it to glow healthily and trying to touch his elbow with my elbow. Side by side, sitting on the bed against the clean white wall. My head buried on his well carved shoulder and my right cheek pressed to his chiseled chest. I've been busy trying to find a good reason to continue or to stop this, and until now I am still in the search for it.

As I sat now at my terrace in my new place here at Ortigas Center in Pasig City, looking at the sky for so long and remembering that time we were sitting in the rooftop admiring the beautiful crescent of the moon. That time I told him that "the moon is beautiful" but what I really meant is "I love you" as we were gazing on the C-shaped moon, I told him I preferred the moon when it is not yet fully filled because it means to me that there is something more to it and that we're given the chance to fill that space with many more great things and memories in life.

Promising myself that tomorrow when I woke up, when the bright morning sun shone through my face lighting up my entire unit, my world. I'm going to eradicate everything about me and him, about my fantasy of him. And I'm going to hate myself because I know deep inside my heart that I can't, I don't know how to. How to make everything disperse like light bubbles in the air. How can I? How could I expel it in my memory, when I can clearly remember about him in my heart? It was scarred in my heart and every detail was engraved in my mind.

So I'm left with no choice but to live my usual life over and over again, going to work to exhaust myself, will party with friends and make myself drunk just to forget about my problems and about his existence in my mind. And for goodness sake, I will dream again about him early in the morning. Yes! I'm going to live like that, I'm going to suffer in silence while he live his life "his happy life where clearly I don't belong"

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead or actual events is purely coincidental.