What Belongs to Me [COMPLETE]

Chapter 2 "Middleschool Throwback"

2002

Looking back at my life in middle school, it was a roller coaster if I were to exaggerate it. I was this ambitious kid who went to three different high school’s because  I was trying to get in this so called most prestigious high school in our “I would like to call semi-primitive town”, in Flora-Corner. But it took me two times to pass its entrance examination so I had no choice but to study in other school the time I didn’t pass the exam.

I didn’t grow up in a well-off family so I had no choice but to study hard for my own and to look for books and resources. I spent my time in places such as my Lola’s house with a classical-traditional interior design, full of quaint and wooden antique furniture with elaborate carvings, digging on her cabinets which is covered with different type of books. And in my Auntie’s huge cabinet-book shelve equipped with her encyclopedias and dictionaries as her collection being a grade school teacher. In order for me to feed my little brain with trivial things that can be found only inside the books, I went through such lengths.

But I never resented my parents just because of our middle-class lifestyle. On the other hand, people all over our town think our family is wealthy because my Great-grand-father in my mother’s side was a mayor before, during the Japanese regime in the 1930’s here in the Philippines. According to the history of our town, he contributed a lot of important things in the development of our community. He owns a vast amount of land and even donated some of it for the people. They even used his name, Theodore Molinaro to change the name of our town to St. Theodore at the time. Well, my Lola lived like a princess as the only girl in their family before. But as soon as my Great-grand-father passed away, his six male children, my Lola’s siblings mismanaged all of their enormous properties which led them to bankruptcy and losing their wealth. Except for my Lola because her husband, my Lolo helped her to managed her inheritance and the family villa that was passed to her.

There are moments when fate becomes very generous to us, but there is always a stone in our way wherein we stumble down together with our dreams. My mother and her siblings lived happily as little princess and princesses before, just running around the meadows surrounding their villa, at the far end of the north in the middle of Sierra Madre forestlands and valleys. But when my Mama accidentally got pregnant of my older brother at a very young age, her fairytale ended and she began to live with my Papa in a very humble lifestyle. My father’s side is not rich as my mother’s, so they barely raised me and my bro with a comfortable life while working very hard day and night and sacrificing so much, even their own happiness. And yes, I was very grateful for my parents.

I myself believe that my family’s history is the game of destiny. That destiny is blindfolded while he’s pinpointing his subject and no one can avoid him. He doesn’t care what you feel and what you think, he’s not that considerate. He doesn’t care if you can manage your situation or not. He doesn’t care about your relationships and what belongs to you. He doesn’t care about your goals and dreams. When he is choosing his subject, he doesn’t ask whether you want to be part of his cruel game or not. If you happened to be chosen by him, you have no choice but to be in the game. It’s up to you, to your persistence in succeeding or losing.

But I said, ‘No! I’m accepting his challenge and I planned to reclaim the glory of our family name’, I thought. I will change the game so that the history of my parents won’t repeat on me. Because when people finally learn from their past mistakes, only then that history won’t repeat itself.

I was a tenth grader when I had my ultimate crush in school. He is not so tall with a dusky complexion charming young boy, and what makes him handsome are his somewhat wide sparkling eyes every time our eyes met. He has a delectable athlethic body like a perfect sculpture of a God in the making. He’s a member of our school’s men volleyball team and he is the captain ball so here we go, ‘what must I expect from him?’ Every girl in our school is charmed by him, but men disliked him; maybe because girls like him.

So I decided to hide my feelings from his shadows, only my four close best-friends knowing about it and who knows if they’re also dying inside dreaming about him and to be with him. I must say we're not those types of groups who goes to party and fling with guys when we have a chance. We’d rather stay at the library or at our secret place at the far end of our campus surrounded by lots of waving fruit trees and spiky grasses, to review on our vacant. Sometimes we chose to stay on one of our friends’ house to bonding sometimes; studious type, people call us.

During my high school life. I realized that; it is the time a student starts to build its walls around him/her having their own secrets and mysteries. It is also the stage where students form group of friends or tries to place themselves in circles which they think they do belong, and having different interest. Some focus on sports being conscious of their physique and how they look to others when they play games giving away all their strengths and those trapped energy, some students dances and sings and kept on improving up their talents to show it to everyone, some have interest in fashion and partying- always conscious about the level of their fame, some likes to read and read books until their eyes began to have that need to wear pair of glasses and others are artist in their own ways. The bottom-line is that every student is special and genius in their own ways because genius has no race; it is universal and born in different part of the globe. They just need to be guided and molded for them to be successful in the future.

This secret crush of mine clearly belonged to sports and has succeeded in getting all the attentions that he wants from both genders. On my part, I played badminton but not a master at it, just enough to be sent out to the district tournament but not farther than that. I understand the world of sports as I play badminton and I also have that sharp ability in playing chess. But I am a pure artist inside and I also loved botany wherein I incorporate both of these interest in competing for dish gardening. And I also paints flowers and plants in anything as my subject using water color as my medium.

There are few moment when I felt a little flattery 'Oh no! I mean great flattery' inside me every time he notices my humble talent for my pieces and when he is watching me while I play badminton. But that is nothing on what I am feeling inside me when I focus my sight only to him while he strikes his best spikes in playing volleyball. He just looks so damn cool while he stroke his shining wet hair upward with his pretty fingers in a slow motion every time he has a chance. So hot while his popping sweat on his forehead streamed along his face and nose running to his chin and dripping and sipping down to his thin but toned muscular body inside his very douse varsity uniform.

My life in high school is a chameleon if I were to describe it in just one word. At first I wanted to become and Engineer just like my Aunt but I realized that I can’t stop the numbers that kept on dancing like Lady Gaga and JLO inside my head every time I scan my algebra and geometry books. I had no choice but to shift my interest on my real passion following the advices that I read on so many books about notable successful peoples in the field. I really loved botany; I have a very soft side for plants to the extent that I know the names of all the plants that are all over our place, I even memorized some of their scientific names. Every time we have a cleaning and gardening session in our high school department, the teachers are leaving everything to my care. Because as they always say; they trusts my judgement and artistry; ‘if only there’s an award for gardener of the year’, I thought.

After doing a lot of reading and research about the profession of a botanist, I unluckily found out that there are no such courses in the close university around our place. And studying bio-science is the closes way to become one and I don’t feel like it, that’s why I decided to let go of it. That ended my dream in becoming a botanist. I felt betrayed by my passion and I ended up thinking about random things, I just don’t know what direction am I going to walk anymore at that moment, but the adventurous side of me was also excited and anxious on what destiny will throw at my way.

   My thought at the time was that; my admiration for this guy will also fade like these beautiful hibiscus everywhere that blooms in the morning and wither in the evening. Just like a soulful song that has a beginning and an ending, my fantasy will also disperse. As the birds-nest-ferns now spread their colors in the garden of our school creating rainbows, I too! Will go out there and seek my future. Walking the path that was prepared for me and facing all the battles of life right there in front of me.