What Belongs to Me [COMPLETE]

Chapter 16 "Unexpected big fight!"

The following day, I spent the entire time lying on my bed contemplating with deep thoughts. I stared at my calendar decisively with a photo of the virgin holding baby Jesus on her arms on it, I kept on counting the numbers of days left repeatedly before our final defense day while being pissed at myself because I am very worried and yet I was not doing anything at all. Staring at the blank ceiling while seeing my blank inner self on it. Sticking my eyes on the twenty watts day light- light bulb, dazzling them with its almost magnificent flash.

When the news about my thesis reached LJ, she immediately called me in an instant,
“Hey, Maine told me about what happened, are you alright?” she asked realizing how dumb her question is, “oh, I’m sorry, of course you’re not owkay right now.”
“LJ…..” was the only thing that came out on my mouth, my voice was crumbling.
“Oh dear, you need me there? No! I’m going there now, I’ll just have my shower.” Being eliminated much earlier does have a good side, I thought. It’s not that heavy inside and it heals faster.

When LJ arrived, she was dressed so freshly, I even felt a little uncomfortable because I wasn’t clean at all. She forces me to take a shower so that I could clear my mind. I allowed the cold water cascade through the whole of my body, toweling every last drop of water on my body, I grabbed my bathrobe and stepped out of the bathroom. As soon as I entered my room and putting on my clothes, LJ said,
“What do you want to watch love?”
“Oww, how lucky of you having time to watch while I’m being tormented.” I told her smirking.
“Hey, I’m already eliminated, remember? This is the perks of not having a thesis ha ha ha.”
“Owkay, owkay, I’m sorry. You can play anything you want, suspense please!” I said smiling sheepishly.
“Great!” she said leaning on the wall and she played “gone girl”. We watched the film earnestly, trying to guess the plot twist and ending. Bonding with LJ was one of the most comforting things! Having comforted without explaining to her the problem, because she knows my position very well, at least for some time I’m forgetting the trouble I’m in.

When LJ left that night, Cizar came knocking on my door. I didn’t want to let him in but he was so insistent as always, so I did open the door. He was wearing a loose sleeve less matching his loose army print boxer shorts. He was so hot that night, with his smell that was oozing from his healthily glowing skin. His seductive black eyes were fixated on me wildly, grinning sheepishly while raising what he was holding, he was holding two cans of beer on his hands. I didn’t know what was his issue or problem but I know he was not okay, and then he started talking,
“Up for some booze?” he said sexily biting his bottom lips.
“What’s the matter? Anyways, whatever is it; I’m deadly busy right now and for the coming weeks, sooo…” I said flatly.
“You know what, for once, enjoy your life! Stop torturing yourself! Come on, let’s have a drink, then do those later.” He was right about me torturing myself, but am I not enjoying myself? I guess so!
“And you know what? We can party all you want after I’m done with all of this!”
“That’s not fair.” He said flatly. “Have you heard of this? When you had a little alcohol in you, you’ll have this thing called adrenaline rush.” His eyebrows and cheek rose. He was right; at least I will be more focus only on my thesis after.
“You brought ice?” I asked rubbing my chin, squinting eyes.
“Yeyyyyy….!” Flashing his beautiful black eyes with dilated pupils and showing his dimpled smile bewitchingly. I suddenly felt butterflies on my stomach.

We drank our beer slowly while talking about random things, making plans on having a getaway together, doing adventure where no one knows us, and feeling free while bringing to life our stupid ideas. We talk and talk until we started arguing on this random topics and issues and neither of us is backing down easily. He was mistaken, it’s not adrenaline that is riding me, it was my pride and his pride battling each other. We settled for a moment, feeling the warmth of our body colliding together, that’s why we decided to go to the rooftop to get some really fresh air. He took another two cans of beer from his fridge and we continued drinking while enjoying the cold breeze of the northern air, turning our heads to the sky to gaze at the beautiful crescent of the moon surrounded by the magnificence of the starts all over the space above us.

I was suddenly frightened! Terrified! A panic runs through me. The feelings that I had suppressed for how many months are now shaking up inside me, the sleeping volcano inside me is about to spurt, to erupt. And I was alarmed of the consequences that were flashing on my mind. I was beginning to hear the chimes even though there were no chimes around us, it was my heart ringing, attracting his attention. I said to myself, this shouldn’t be happening so I diverted my burning emotions to talk about the weather. When the eruption inside me started to de-escalate; I suggested that we should go back inside. We were standing when suddenly there was a rain shower, how come in this beautiful night with the crystal clear sky? I said to myself. He notices the shocked on my face because he knew that I believed that rain is a bad omen so he hurriedly grab my shoulder and we descended the staircase. I couldn’t hide myself from being antsy and I could also feel my head in a dazed.

He took another set of beer from his room and he followed me downstairs inside my room.
“That’s enough Cizar.” I told him losing my energy. But he acted like he didn’t heard me, he opened the can of beer, squatted beside my bed and he saw my chessboard case under my bed and he pulled it,
“Come on, let’s play chess.” He said demandingly.
“Don’t bother; you can never beat me in chess.” I told him bragging.
“Don’t be so confident, that’s your problem, you think you are always the right one, the better one” he said, I didn’t know if he meant what he said.
“Yow yow… then set it on if you want to challenge me.” I said. He began positioning the pieces. We played while being braggart and full of cockiness every time one of us is gaining points. The alcohol has begun infecting our minds and we became really serious, and when he was already losing to me, I was mocking him that is why he suddenly brushes out the board with his hand and started laughing.
Blood rose through my veins like going to my head and I became really mad at him, I lost my temper and then I started yelling at him saying nonsensical words, he also begun retaliating with harsh words.
“Why did you do it? Asshole!” I started plainly but seriously glaring at him.
“Because I wanted too.” He said annoyingly and wincing.
“You know what? You’re a fucking asshole! Fucking dumb ass!” I said angrily, frowning and scowling.
“Don’t you ever say such words to me, you know what? You’re a brat! A braggart! You’re always like that” he said furiously with his clenched jaw and icy stare.
“Why can’t you just accept that I’m better than you? Always!” I said with my flaring nostrils and grinding teeth.
“I know you are, but that doesn’t mean that you are allowed to step on me and say that I’m dumb! You definitely can’t!” he said with his tensing facial muscles like me.
“It’s the truth!” pressing my lips tightly together. We continued howling at each other, until I shouted at him,
“Leave me alone! Leave my room! Get out!” I said with bulging eyes.
“If that’s what you wanted, I will leave you, suit yourself alone!” he responded grimacing at me.
“Yes! You frustrate me, now leave.” I finally told him.
He took his sleeveless that he took off when we were playing and then he stormed out my room. I slammed the door heavily for him to hear it from the stairs and throw my back at the door closing my eyes tightly and pounding my chest with my hands.

I realized what I just did, just because of my god ‘dam pride, I might lose a friend, the person I was in love with, I might lose Cizar for real and I don’t know what to do when that happens. Now I’m convinced that; it was true that we began realizing that we have made a mistake when it was already over, when it already happened.
I was really shocked when Cizar came back, banging, striking, hitting my flush door with his knuckles, asking me indignantly to open the door. Good thing it was a Saturday and the other boarders are not in the apartment or else I would have lose my face to them. I was scared and panicking that is why I didn’t open the door, I just listened to him nervously, to everything he said that night to every detail of the bitter, cruel and brutal words he uttered directed to me.

“How dare you! You are the dumb ass one! I will never pardon your actions! What? You cared for me? Fuck it! I tell you now; I never did care for you! You said you missed me? Listen to this! I never missed you and I will never miss you! Let’s disregard each other now! You know what? I only approached you because I needed you and that you are kind to me. But fuck it! You will regret this! I hate you!”

And then he stopped talking, I heard the sound of his footsteps faded quickly, the air became stagnant and felt empty, all I can here now was the annoying sound of silence blowing in my ears. My heart stopped beating, stopped beating for him, it started to pound! Pounding with anger towards him. I didn’t cry that moment, didn’t wept for him, I was furious but I stopped myself from it. The word he said to me was all etched on my brain now and no one is able to erase it now. What was said was already said. He made my heart as hard as a hundred year old stone buried in the riverbed.

I was totally sobered, the effect of alcohol vanished inside me like a blackout making me realized that I was alone in the darkness, was always alone dreaming. I told myself that I didn’t need him, and yes! I will never forgive him for what he has done to me. He was just a mistake and that I could move on from him just easily.
“November 29, that was the day Cizar left and betrayed me and I will never forget that day.” The entire time, I didn’t notice that the rain was raging in anger, it was angry for me, I thought to comfort myself.

After what happened that day, everything that happened at school, every sweet memory I had with Cizar that night- that I never thought would be the last, that horrible fight I had had with him. It has enlightened me and helped me realized my true calling, my real purpose, that my plans from the very beginning was the sole reason why I’m here. That Cizar was just a destruction to me, a challenge that now I have overcame and the thought fills my pride.

I didn’t know the reason but I easily let go of Cizar, on the days that followed, I focused all my attention and energy on finishing my thesis, I became more driven, more determined to finish my thesis. “You are not my life and you’re not the most important thing to me, the most important thing was still on my hands, my thesis subject."