History

Chapter 22 - Goodbye (I'm Sorry) - Jamestown

@MoonOfSecrets684 I'm sorry in advance!!!!!! Just remember I have told you many times that you would hate me for what I was going to do... This is when you will start to hate me... Just think Hamilton thoughts! Thanks for all your help by the way!

Double update! I'm proud of myself, I didn't think that this chapter would be so easy to write, I honestly though it would take longer to write. I hope that the others will be the same! Sorry for anybody who reads this before all the chapters are released. I hope you all have an amazing day, night, or 3 am Wattpad session! If you ever need to talk I'm here! Thanks for reading! 

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the movies with me?" Blake asked hopping around the apartment trying to get her knee high boots on, I laughed at her struggles she pouted at me. I nodded "yeah I'm not feeling well" I said it technically wasn't a lie I haven't eaten in over 2 weeks and I was sick in the mind. "how do I look?" she asked happily turning in a circle I admired her, she was so strong, stronger than I'll ever be. "You look absolutely stunning! Everyone will stop and stair at your beauty" I said she blushed and smiled at me brightly and hugged me "You are amazing girl! You are the best friend that anyone could ask for! I love you girl!!" she exclaimed "and you are my best friend as well, I couldn't ask for a better person to be by my side. I love you too, just remember that I'll always be there for you. Even if you can't see me!" I told her she hugged me again "ok see you later girl!" Blake said and left the apartment. "goodbye, I hope you find happiness. I hope you can always keep your smile" I whispered with a small smile.  

I waited, 'just get it over with, nobody cares' I was going to do it, but I wanted to talk to Ace one last time, hear the lie of his love one last time. The phone finally rang, I answered. "hello my love how was your day?" he asked I could tell he was smiling, that made everything worth it. "hey baby! it was great, even better now that I can talk to you!" I said it was not a lie, his voice soothed my mind I truly do love him, I hope he has an amazing life when I'm gone. "that is amazing my little thief! I have this huge meeting soon I hope I can complete it without issues" he said, he sounded worried "hey, you are amazing! You got this!" I told him. "Alright well I have to go my love, I'll talk to you later? I love you" he said I bit my lip "Ace?" I phrased his name as a question, hoping to get his attention "yeah?" he asked "I hope you know that I love you, you are the light of my life and the reason I live never forget that ok? Always know that you have my heart and soul with you at all times. I love you so much." I said Ace was silent "Pixie, the same goes for you. I love you so much. I will talk to you later, bye." he said "goodbye" I said and hung up.

I stood up and slowly walked down the hall, my breaths even. My heart beats slowly, a constant reminder that I am alive, a constant beat. I was ready; my letters were written, my songs sung. Another few steps, the constant beat of my heart. The heart like the drum beat to a band, without them the whole band falls apart, the blood pumped the heard like the drummer used a kick peddle. Second nature, everything is fine until there is no more blood to beat the heart, no more blood. A strange alien feeling, no drummer in the band, no beat to keep everything together. Ha.The ramblings of a girl about to stop her drum beat, about to stop her lifelong music.

Funny how when most people think of music they think about noise strung together with words to create sound for people to listen to. Something for people to listen to then go about their days without ever actually realizing what they heard, they don't feel the story, feel the emotion, the hope, the message. Most don't hear the meaning, they hear a fun beat that makes them happy. They never hear the silent plea for help. Nobody ever does. Music is what helps some survive, a way to help them live with the harsh world they live in.

I was at the door, I was numb I reached for the door nob without feeling myself doing it. I was going through the motions, going through the movements without actually felling myself doing it. The door opened as I turned the nob ever so slowly. I stepped into the room and slowly closed the door behind me, I walked to the cabinet I opened the box and studied the blade, it was beautiful so dangerous but inviting, it would be the thing that took my pain away, I cannot pass on my pain if nobody truly care for me. I turned the blade in my hand, I studied the blade noticing ever detail. I examined my wrist, I saw every imperfection every vein that pumped my life force, the thing I would be taking and exposing to the world. 

I took the blade and slowly placed it against my wrist. I place pressure and saw scarlet start to pool around the beautiful blade, forever staining it. I sliced blood dripped down to the floor I watched it. I took the blade and sliced deeper, again, again, and again. slowly I started to become dizzy but I continued to slice, continuing to slice deeper watching as blood flooded from my body. my vision continued to darken. Ace I love you, with my heart soul, and very being. Please find happiness.    

You could be inside my mind listening to my every thought, but still only see what I want you to see. I find that funny, even those who look inside my mind cannot see everything. They cannot see the demons that haunt me, the darkness that is always creeping into my thoughts. I can lie and deceive to myself, I can forget what I have always known. It is so easy to lie, to pretend. You can spin webs of lies and deception so well for so long that it become your reality. Nobody ever knows the full truth, not even yourself, not until you're so caught up that you can't find a way out. Until you get trapped, my time has finally run out. I finally got trapped. I stared down and watched the beautiful scarlet color drain from my wrist to the floor.