History

Chapter 21 - Would Anyone Care - Nightcore

I looked at Ace sadly "you have to go?" I asked he smiled sadly "unfortunately, but hey it's for a month! We can do this! We've survived years with no contact, this time we will be able to talk everyday" Ace said as he placed a shirt in the suitcase and came and held me in his arms and kissed my forehead. "common lets go out tonight! I leave tomorrow let's celebrate tonight" Ace said I smiled at him "alright let's go" I agreed.

MOD was uncrowded tonight as we ordered our pizza and sat down "so what is this 'business trip' thing?" I asked he sighed "my father wanted me to go instead of him because my mom is sick and he wants to be there for her. I have to go to New York for a month to go through a series of meetings that effect my dad's company." Ace said I nodded and took a bite of my pizza. "So, what do you plan to do while I'm gone?" he asked "oh you know, probably go visit my side guy and then maybe read, then go to my other side guy and read some more." I said he looked at me with narrowed eyes "got any names for the guys?" he asked "hmm well I'll probably visit Jace first, he lives in Brooklyn then I'll time travel to visit Will. Oh while I'm there I might as well go see Jem" I said wondering if he would get what I was saying he closed his eyes and took a deep breath "you're going to cheat on me with book characters?" he asked incredulously "have you seen the Herondales? They are hot!" I exclaimed loudly "Amen!" a girl in the restaurant yelled I smiled "you can't even see them "that description though!" The girl and I said I laughed some more while Ace rolled his eyes while fighting  the smile that tried to make its way to his face.

After we ate we walked hand in hand on the beach "I love it out here!" I said smiling as the water brushed my bare feet. Ace smiled "it's these moments that I love the most." he said I smiled at him "yeah, they are one of the most crucial things" I agreed. Just enjoying each other's company.

Ace waved as he went through security I smiled at him and waved.

I slowly entered the apartment Ace and I rented out a little while after I got out of the hospital. I sat on the couch bored out of my mind. My phone rang, it was Blake "hey girl how are you?" I asked she groaned "It's terrible, everyone hates me and by everyone I mean my mom. She is making my life a living hell!" She ranted I sighed "I have a free room" I offered "Oh no I wouldn't want to intrude on your time with Ace." she said "Ace is in New York for a month" I said "oh! Are you sure you want to give me your spare room? I promise I won't be there often" Blake rushed in a worried tone I laughed her off "yes you can come down Blake, you sound like you need a break." I assured her "thank you" she said, I could here the relief in her voice. I smiled "no problem, bye Blake" I said "bye Pixie!" she yelled then she hung up.

I looked in the mirror, 'ugly, fat, disappointment, whore'  the voices said I tried to shut them out 'Ace doesn't actually care for you, it is all pity.'  I once again tried to block them out 'nobody could ever like someone as worthless as you, your mother is lucky she's dead so she doesn't have to live with you as a daughter' they said 'you are nothing' 'nobody likes you, they pretend to make you feel better' 'your father hates you, he replaced you, he has a son now with his new wife. Nobody needs you'   I shook my head, no I thought 'yes' I walked away, I need to distract myself. I walked and grabbed a book and tried to read, I couldn't consentrate. I walked outside and decided to go for a run, I ran for 2 hours straight, I was almost passing out from over exhaustion. I went straight to sleep.

I woke up to my phone ringing, I groaned. "hello?" I asked "hey baby! I'm sorry did I wake you up?" the smooth voice of Ace asked I immediately woke up, the voices in my head quieted down. "It's fine baby I should probably be awake anyways, how are you? What have you done so far?" I asked "I am doing good, I have gotten off the plane and I went to the hotel to sleep honestly. It felt so weird to sleep without you next to me." he said I sighed "I miss you" I said "and I miss you, but hey we'll get through this!" he said I smiled there was talking in the background Ace sighed "ok I have to go beautiful, but I will talk to you later today. I love you" Ace said I sighed sadly "I love you too Ace, show them what they're up against I know you can do it" hung up.

'He doesn't actually love you' 'you're useless' 'nobody wants you here' 'you should go kill yourself' My phone rang interrupting my thoughts "hello?" I answered "hey girl I'm almost at your house ok?" Blake said "ok I'll see you soon!" I said and hung up I decided to go get dressed I looked in the mirror. I saw scars some caused by past events, some caused by me. Each and every one of them just added to my ugliness, I looked at my stomach and saw fat, why does Ace like me? I don't deserve him. Why am I even alive, I don't deserve to live. I sighed and got dressed, those were thoughts for another day, thoughts for when I was going to be alone.

Blake knocked on the door and I answered "hey girl it's been forever since I last saw you!" Blake exclaimed and hugged me when I opened the door "hey! How was your flight?" I asked "it was good! I'll miss most of my brothers my mother is a completely different story she said while bringing her suitcase into the living room "your room is that one, here's a key please don't lose it." I said she smiled at me "thank you, for everything we should go do something soon, I've missed you" she said I smiled at her 'she's lying, she didn't actually miss you. She is just using you until she can get back on her feet'  "yes definitely I missed you too" I said she smiled I went back to my room and started to listen to the voices.