THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER CONTAINS TRIGGERS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing
I'm overwhelmed and insecure, give me something
I could take to ease my mind slowly
Just have a drink and you'll feel better
Just take her home and you'll feel better
Keep telling me that it gets better
Does it ever?
ℕ𝕒𝕠𝕞𝕚
"oh my god look at that tall drink of water" my best friend Lora as she wipes the countertop of the restaurant we both work at as part timers.
"don't you have a boyfriend?" i say and motion to his hand, which has a ring on it "he's taken anyway"
"Corey isn't a boyfriend, rather a hookup" she says but i can see the dreamy expression on her face. a hookup, sure.
"atleast you have some luck with your love life" i sigh. at 19, i'm in my last year of college and majoring in humanities. i'm on my way to becoming a psychologist, with a part time job.
i've never had my first kiss nor my first time.
i think it's because i used to be the 'freak' of high school.
"oh also!" Lora suddenly exclaims "you are coming to the bonfire party tonight" she says
"Lora,i can't"
"Babe, it's been such a long time. you need to face it before it consumes you" my best friend puts a hand on my shoulder.
she's right. i need to face my fears. it's time to do so.
"besides, it was not your fault" she says when we get to the storage room.
"it is my fucking fault! i could've saved them! but i was paralysed. i couldn't go and save them or douse the fire" i snap
"the fire was because of a gas leak from the garage, it wouldn't have been easy to douse"
"so..i should've died along with them. i don't deserve to breathe. i can't live without thinking that Dad and Jenna died and i survived" i say,wiping my face "it's my fault. and you cannot change my mind" i turn to go and slam the door but she gently takes hold of my forearm.
"Nae" she gasps staring at my wrist "did you....?"
i look down to where she's looking. it's a long scar from when i cut myself last week.
"Lora, i love you but i'm..i cant go to the bonfire. i-i'm sorry" i pull my arm out of her grasp, wincing at the burn on my scar,pull of my work apron and run.
i don't stop running until i get to my apartment. i share it with Lora but she's not here right now.
i slump against my room door. my room;my sanctuary;my safe place.
i struggle to breathe, the same panic attack i have whenever i think about the incident.
i barely get to my bed before i collapse into a deep sleep
I need somebody now
I need somebody now
Someone to help me out
I need somebody now
SONG OF THE CHAPTER; In My Blood by Shawn Mendes
this chapter was extremely painful to write.
please remember; NEVER resort to self harm or anything that may hurt you. always remember that you have people in your life who love you. those people are worth living for.
if you ever want to let it out, go talk to someone and don't lash out on yourself.
and on that note, thank you for reading
xx
YOU ARE READING
𝐈 𝐆𝐨𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮 - EBC
Romance'I can see you hurting I've been through the same thing Baby, don't you worry, I got you' She was broken;he was misunderstood. She was breaking down ; he was trying to build up She was unsociable ; he was the 'it' boy She is fragile ; he won't let...
