My 16 months Mission

Mission: Frustration #1

I guess, going on a mission is a mistake... I guess, my faith waved...

I've done so hard.. But why is this happening to me..... Did the Lord or Satan stopping me???? Others applied to mission easily...but why it is so hard for me..... that are the words that comes to my mind....

I paused a minute. I ask myself.....will this paper end my desire to go on a mission??? no.... I won't let it happen.....but will a doctor certify that I can serve????? my mind thinks of two different thoughts that time because I had a feeling that the doctor won't give me favor with this...but it has to be done....

I can do this....I said those words to myself doubtfully.....and I just hope it will end soon....

In order to have this CT-SCAN the doctor asked, I have to obtain a bigger amount... our branch president's wife accompanied me to all the consultation needed to the doctor to get through this.... I can see that she spends an amount every consultation we had to the doctor and that thing made me realize that there are a lot of people got involved in my preparations which makes me feel pity of my self...... It also weakens my desire to continue what I have started...

One of the reasons also is because I don't have any idea how to earn that amount needed for my CT-SCAN.....

I won't asked anybody anymore, it is so embarrassing.....that always comes to my thought....

Anyways, from the time of my mission preparations..I stayed over in our branch president's house, and the one I mentioned that accompanied me in my dental examination is their youngest son who is also preparing to go on a mission. I called him "com" most of the time because he had been in my company in most of our church activities. I cannot forget his kindness too...he's been an angel in disguise to me. We also have a lot of similarities in our interest and perspectives. We share our thoughts and ideas. He's always genuine whatever he do and say. He's an example of a virtuous man....we planned to go a mission in the same batch but because I'm having a hard time on my physical preparations, his mission call comes first....I want to extend my gratitude to this family... I know I cannot repay their kindness and I will never forget it....

When I'm preparing for my CT-SCAN, I went back home...

I were like walking without my senses and don't know where am I to go and what am I supposed to do that time.....

I always thought of the money needed for my CT-SCAN....when I got home, I saw my mom... I wanted to ask her if she could help me but I hesitated that she might not allow me to go on a mission because of this..... Mom, where can I lend money, I ask.... I am planning to lend money instead in a micro-finance company..... I know it's a big big wrong....and it would be a big problem if I won't able to pay for it.... I always ask myself, what am I gonna do??? what am I gonna do??? I always ask myself over and over again...and I have no idea what am I supposed to do....

I'm thinking to just quit...but no......I don't have money.....but no..... there's no one to help....but no....my thoughts have been unstable..

After a couple of day, our branch president called me that I do have another consultation to the doctor.... I hesitated to go because of my problem....but what am I supposed to do??.... I pitied myself that someone would have to spend money for me again....so no.....but....wait....no.... but okay I'll go....(that's in my thought) I think like I'm going crazy from over thinking ahm..okay president, I'll be there......

We arrived to the clinic, after my consultation with the doctor, he said that he have good news for us... He said that I don't to wait to earn for the amount.... there is a charity that will surely help you....all you have to do is to go to their office and submit the needed documents.....he said....

My heart feels hope hearing those words he said.

It is the PCSO ....

The (PCSO) Philippine Charity Sweepstakes Office is a government-owned and controlled corporation of the Philippines under direct supervision of the Office of the President of the Philippines. It is mandated to do fund raising and provide funds for health programs, medical assistance and services, and charities of national character. The raised collections goes to the President's Presidential Social Fund to improve the country's social welfare.

But the Church is opposed to gambling, including lotteries sponsored by governments.... that's what in my mind.

And I am asking for help to a charity sponsored by the PCSO which sounds so ironically and weird...

But wait...wait.... I am not participating in any gambling... I just wanted for some help...but wait....no... I won't do it.....but how about my CT-SCAN???? yes.....but yeah...no....yeah.... What am I gonna do????

It is a decision beyond my wisdom...

But later on, I've decided to give a try coming to their office....and after processing....they give me a slip paying my CT-SCAN....

I don't know if I did the right thing to do...all I know is I wanted to go on a mission whatever it takes....but because of financial matters, I doubted myself if I deserve for this... But whenever I tend to just quit, I can't just put to waste what we have started, the people that believes in me, their trust and sacrifices that's already done...

Because of that slip... I proceeded to my CT-SCAN....it went well but I have to wait for a couple of days for the result....

After my CT-SCAN, I stayed home while waiting for the results....

Everything's gonna be alright...that was always present in prayers everytime....

I tell myself, whatever will be the result.... I will never leave the Church.... and I will serve the Lord...

After a couple of days, our branch president called me... He said that I need to go to the the for the interpretation of the result in my CT-SCAN....and the for my Medical Certification......