My 16 months Mission

Mission: Frustration #2

I arrived to our branch president's house.....

Hello brother Jorry, your here.... the doctor just called us for the result in your CT-SCAN and your Medical Certification....I wish I can go with you but I have to go to work....sister (his wife) will just go with you..... I know it will be alright.....I have to go.....

I really wish it will be alright....

I can't explain my feeling while we're on the way to the clinic.... I prayed a lot that it will favor me....

We just arrived....

Good morning doc...sister said

Good morning... I have here now your result sir Jorry..let me interpret it to both of you...

It shows that the reason of your condition is.....yes it is a mild stroke that you are suffering now.... your brain is not in good shape that affects your nerves and the circulation of the blood in the right part of your body............ that's all I remember

He said a lot that proves my inability to do physical activities....

My ears hates to listen to the result.... I just wanted to leave at that moment but I know it's too rude to do so I've waited until it end....

Your branch president told me that you need a medical certification for your mission, right???

ahmmm... yes doc...

Now listen to me... I know that you will go and do a lot of walking and helping and many more, am I correct???he asked

ahhmmm yes doc...

Here, it is hard for your condition to do all of this.... you are not supposed to lift heavy things, dehydrated, stress and walk under the heat of the sun.... your condition might get worse.... I know you're doing this to serve the Lord but think of the possiblity that will happen in your mission and your leaders if anything happens to you....he said more...but my ears were already full...

I cannot lie to your Medical Certification...you might be in danger he said...he then give me my Medical Certification stating that he didn't recommend me to mission...

To me, you are not fit this...I'm sorry...he added

I don't understand what I felt that day....

I don't even know how to react while hearing those words....

All I wanted to do is to go back home...

I asked sister ( branch president's wife) if it's okay if I will just home and she just tell our branch president about what the doctor said... it's okay Jorry..she replied..

It feels like the world stops....that I don't even know if it's the best thing to do to go home....

I don't know what am I supposed to do....

The words of the doctor to me stays still in my mind....

As I as arrived home... I went to sleep....and I wanted to cry.....and I don't mind preparing for the coming Sunday...

I felt so down....

My mom saw me not in good mood then she asked what happened.... I told her that I might not go to mission anymore....  I know it will be okay..she said to comfort me...then she left

I can see in her eyes that she wanted to comfort me but it is not all a bad thing after all...that I don't have to leave anymore...

Yeah.... perhaps it's not a bad thing after all....I don't have to leave my family... that's what in my mind but deep in me is a heartache, failure and questioning to God how can I endure this feeling...

The next day is our priesthood meeting (today, it's not being practice anymore due to the new revelation of the Prophet) with the priesthood leaders... I was the Branch Mission Leader (someone who leads the missionary work in the branch) in our branch that time...

Because of the result in my Medical Certification.. I didn't mind attending...I still can't move-on. I just wished I can wear a mask that time because I felt ashamed to face them...

Our meeting will held soon, our branch president texted me, hoping for my presence... fortunately, it rain hard and I couldn't attend because I'm far from the city.

I just sleep early....so my mind can relax.

Sunday is coming....And I don't still have the guts to attend....

But...why do I have to be like this...??? that's what on my mind.. Why do I have to torment myself by this paper.????....no.... that's not going to happen....but wait....how will I answer if they will ask me?? and look down on me???  but...... am I going to Church because of them??? certainly not... I come to Church because of the Lord....no I don't care what they say...I'm going....

My two kinds of thoughts comes again....

I came to Church early with my sister...

I tend to come early and stand in the side of the open door of the Church so that I can greet everyone a good morning with a smile, handshake and a little chat...then I tend to be the last person to sit before the sacrament start..... It was so simple act but it helps me build the trust of every member and also, it help me get to know them more....

Good morning brother... good morning sister (with my hand extended for handshake)..how have you been??? I say... then they usually reply... still pretty or else they say I'm good.....then I reply, I'm happy to see you with my smile like I received some candy....

After our service, our branch president talk to me...he comforted me about what happened and motivated me to abide the spirit always.... that simple act of him helps me a lot to overcome every challenges and stay strong...

After our lunch...I usually go to work with the full-time missionaries....

Our experiences in our work and teaching helps me even comforted myself more...and stay active in the Church..it helps me motivated to serve the Lord even knowing that I don't have the privilege to serve in mission...

While being with them, I learned a lot... I learned how to give hope to the concern of the people and also to myself as well...

Until my best friend, my "com" go to mission in the part of Cebu Philippines Mission and left me... but it's okay I said..

We also have another one on going (a sister) and she received her mission call. She called to serve in foreign country (Salt Lake) ... she's also a close friend of mine..... I called her "She'e"

I can see how happy they are with their mission call ...and I'm happy for them....

But somehow I felt to be jealous and pity to myself and wish I also could also have that privilege to serve... but instead, I dedicated myself to do my best to lead the full-time missionaries who were assigned in our branch...

I am in my 25th birthday... it's the last age for a man to serve in a mission....I'm losing hope of the privilege to serve...but instead of thinking that thing, I always find a way to go to work with the missionaries....

One day in the chapel while we came from a work with the other companionship of full-time missionaries at around 6 pm.....our full-time missionary yell....

There's a mission call!!!! a mission call!!! and he roam around the chapel....