My 16 months Mission

Mission: Frustrations #3 WHY!!!

A mission call!!!! a mission call!!!! said by the full-time missionary with so much energy roaming around the chapel...

Could it be one of the friends again who recently applied for it??? so fast...and good for him....I said

But someone said that it is for me....

Really!!!But how could it be???!!

My heart races so fast...but it feels so good...

I can't explain how happy I was that day...my mouth had the biggest smile I have....and very excited to hold the envelope of my mission call.....

I rushingly go towards the missionary who have my mission call.

They then give it to me....while holding it, I can't believe if it's true.... but I've noticed... that it's almost open...I know it was my friends doing....but it's okay...they maybe more excited that me.... it's just so funny to think...

I read it immediately infront of my friends and the people in the chapel who gather together to know what is in my mission call.... it's just overwhelming feeling I had while opening it....

I want to read it fast because of my excitement but they asked me to read it load and slowly..... so I read it again....

It state....

Dear Elder Dao-ayan:

You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
You are assigned to labor in the Philippines Manila Mission. It is anticipated that you will serve for a period of 24 months....you have been recommended as one worthy to represent the Lord as a minister of the restored gospel......we place our confidence in you and pray that the Lord will help you become an effective missionary.....

Sincerely,
Thomas S. Monson
(original signature)
President

When you read every line of your mission call, it has a very strong impact in your heart...

Every word is very significant and expresses a big responsibility and power...

It's been a very wonderful experience to me when I am reading it...

All of them congratulated me....

I bring it home immediately and read it over and over again and the wonderful feelings still remain.

I still can't believe it's happening....

I can't help to think about it, how could it happen. I thought, it will never come to me anymore....

Maybe because our application was done online...but anyways, whatever it maybe... it makes my dream come true....I know, I will have a wonderful sleep tonight... that's what I said before sleeping...

I worked and worked with the missionaries enthusiastically after that time and work even more in my job to earn more money that I can be used the time I leave for my mission...

It's Sunday again..and as always, I stand up to the door to greet the people coming to Church with more energy...they noticed it and I know they already know the reason why....

After the our sacrament service (1st part in Sunday services), our branch president called me to his office...and I come immediately.. he maybe want to congratulate me too..I said..

Good morning President!!!

Good morning brother Jorry...you may sit down..he said and I sit down facing him with a smile...

You already have your mission call, right??? who gave it to you???he asked

Yes president...The missionaries give it to me a couple of days ago...and I'm sorry, I already read it..I said

Ahh okay...Where did you assigned???he asked

In Philippines Manila Mission president....

Really???!! that's great!!! but please listen to me brother Jorry...he said

I felt something weird about it...

He then said to me, brother Jorry, because of your Medical Certification that the doctor prohibited you to go on a mission, your mission call has been postponed...you have to get well first....

The room has been so silent for a while..

I just don't know what to say and how to react... I just really surprised and shocked about what he said....I can't believe if it's true.... but I know he won't joke me like this matter because he knew how I'm willing to go on a mission so bad..

We will help you get you back in normal shape..he added..

But president, it's been ten years since I got mild stroke... the doctor said that I might get seizure but it didn't happen to me even once even I worked with so much fatigues in my job....it won't a be burden in my mission, president!!...as you can see, I always work with the missionaries here...I replied, starting to cry...but I did my best not to cry...

I know..I know brother Jorry....I know how you magnify your calling here in our branch and I know that you can be a good missionary in the field if you have this opportunity, and I know how disappointed you are right now but it is not my decision... let's just hope that you will get well very soon... he said..

He said a lot to comfort me....

Our meeting ends with a big frustrations in my heart....

I don't how to explain how I felt that moment....

The Sunday ends with so much sadness in my heart...and I am not in a mood to talk to people because of what happened..

I decided to go home early....

The missionaries, wonder why about what happened to me... they look for me to work with them but I already home....

I go straight to my bed....

I cried a lot....

I asked God...WHY!!!???

Why is this happening to me..???!!

Why I have to suffer like this!!??

You said that I must serve you but WHY..!!???

I cried so much in secret that no one could see me....

I cried so much before God....

I said to God that He should not make me like a fool to believe that I could serve on a mission...

I thought the mission call is true but....WHY??!!!

It's getting late and I still on my bed crying....

I'm don't eat dinner... I just wanted to sleep....

I sleep because of so much  sadness in my heart...