Me & Her

Her

"Alice, move!"

"Shut up, she can't do it".

"Jesus Christ! What is she doing? Who does she think she is?"

Our body moves like a river, flowing, forceful.

I will make them drown.

The ball comes flying straight at me, but I lift my hand. Such a small action, but effective. The ball stops as if I've pressed a pause button on physics. The movement is cut short, a life snipped, and it drops into my waiting hand. Emma gapes. The opposing team, consisting of Noah, are all staring at me with open mouths. They're distracted. Good.

Using the opportunity, I shunt forward, and launch the ball back at the boy who threw it. The momentum carries it in an arc, hitting him square in the face. Dazed, he stumbles. The force almost knocks him to the floor. Emma whoops, running toward me. The grey of the sports hall glows silver, like a canyon of diamonds in my eyes. Alice sees the world with such fear, such sadness, as if she's afraid of the shape of her own shadow. I cannot – will not – see it that way.

Emma presses her presence into my thoughts.

"That was bad-ass!" she cries. "I think Noah's about to swoon".

I'm not finished yet.

Gathering up the remaining dodgeballs, I throw them one by one, two by two and all at once toward the opposition. Giving Alice a silent thank-you, I dance on my toes. A dodgeball comes into my line of sight and I duck, sliding along the floor until I'm beside Emma again. Who is still gaping.

From the bench, Miss Kirby's jaw has dropped to a cavern. Maybe I should throw a ball into her waiting gob. Apple-bobbing has never been such fun.

Raising my hands, I dare the opposition to look me in the eyes. Emma runs to my side, and I catch an incoming ball, passing it to her. Another ball, coming from my left. It flies through the air, so I body-swerve, sliding across the floor of the sports hall. Inside my mind, Alice whoops, adding to the adrenaline. I stand up to survey the damage.

A boy on the opposing team is holding his nose where my attack struck home. Emma is running over to me, cheering, grinning, while Miss Kirby tries to import some order. Eventually, she agrees to let us have one more game. Unlike before, with Alice stumbling over her own feet, Miss Kirby couldn't take her eyes off us for fear of self-injury. But now, as I skirt into position, I make her look at me, make her see me for who I am. For who Alice isn't. Who I never will be.

Doc' made that clear enough: I will never be the one someone wants.

A ball flies toward me, the other to Emma. She dodges, I catch, and we both throw our ammunition back to the other team. Noah meets me my gaze, no longer smiling. Does he know I've changed? He must have been daydreaming because he blinks, as if slapped, and beams in my direction.

Emma points to my left, warns me of an incoming missile. She thinks I don't know. After Doc's asphyxiating involvement, his watchful stare, I'm not allowed on one of my midnight jaunts to search the facility. No more files, no more evidence.

This – and the adrenaline – are the only things I have left.

Parrying the next two throws, I snatch up a dodgeball, launching it at a girl's face on the other side of the hall. It catches her jaw easily, forcing Miss Kirby to sound the whistle. Another player gone. My faces threatens to fall into a perpetually grim line, but Emma is always there, always forcing a smile. Even though I don't want to, she manages to bring out of some half-torn cave inside of me.

I was happy once, I'm sure. Before everything happened. Before everything I had to do to keep us safe, to keep Mum safe. Everything I'm still doing.