Lost and Found

15 | noah

I sit in the living room with Charlotte as she plays with her toys, laughing to herself as she makes up a game. I smile and ruffle her light blond hair as she beams up at me with those wide blue eyes of hers and a wide grin.

"Hey," Caroline says as she strolls into the room, flashing me a smile as she pulls her hair back into a ponytail. "Thanks for watching Char. I had to make a quick phone call."

"Of course. I love spending time with this goofball." Charlotte squeals with laughter as I tickle her stomach, struggling to get away from me. Caroline studies us with a soft smile, seemingly holding back laughter of her own.

"So." Caroline takes a seat on the couch across from me as Charlotte goes back to entertaining herself, expression hesitant. "I heard you ran into Blake."

"Uh, yeah," I admit. "I ran into her at the café."

Caroline's eyes gleam with pity. Maybe she can sense how hurt I still am over everything that happened between me and Blake. Or maybe she simply remembers what her own first love had been like and how hard something like that can be to let go.

You never quite forget your firsts, like trying something new for the very first time, or your first kiss, first relationship, first loss, first accomplishment. A first love is like a whirlwind, a roller coaster of highs and lows. In all of my twenty-one years alive, Blake Rhodes will always hold the title of being my first love.

The problem is that I had been foolish enough to think she would be my only love, that we would last forever.

"Did you two have a chance to talk?" Caroline asks.

"We caught up a little," I admit, trying to keep my emotion out of my tone. "She's, uh, seeing someone now."

"I heard about that from her mother, actually," Caroline murmurs softly, looking at me sympathetically. "You know your father is close with Blake's father. I wasn't sure if you'd found out or not, and I wasn't sure how to tell you . . ." Caroline trails off, frowning.

"Well, I guess you don't have to." I release a bitter laugh, dry and humorless. "If she's happy, that's all that matters, right?"

The words are harder than they should be for me to choke out.

"I know how much you cared about her, Noah," Caroline says, "and I know how much you still care about her. The both of you loved each other, and I know that has to be hard to let go of. But after three years . . ." Caroline trails off, giving me a somber shrug.

"I know," I croak. "She's moved on. I expected her to. I wanted her to. I want Blake to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted for her."

Caroline studies me for a moment, looking like she knows something I don't. Her blue eyes narrow as she opens her mouth as if to speak, only to quickly press her lips together again and shake her head. She forces a smile and meets my gaze.

"You don't have to agree if you don't want to," she starts, "and I understand if you would rather decline. But the Rhodes' are having their annual Sunday barbecue this week, and we were invited. I was hoping you might want to come, but if you'd—"

"No," I say much too quickly, cutting Caroline off. "I mean, I'd like to go. It'd be nice to see everyone again. Besides, what happened with Blake is in the past. I'd like to think we've both moved on."

Caroline's expression is skeptical as she eyes me, as if she doesn't believe me. However, she offers me a warm smile and nods. "Great!" she exclaims. "I'll tell your dad. I'm sure this will be fun."

With that, Caroline rises from the couch and goes to enter the kitchen. Standing in the doorway, Caroline hesitates before turning to glance at me over her shoulder, saying, "It's nice to have you back, Noah. I hope you know I love you."

Caroline doesn't linger to see my reaction, bustling into the kitchen after saying the words. Clearly she doesn't know how much her words mean to me, how grateful I am to have her in my life.

I don't think she hears me when I whisper, "I love you too."

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a/n: happy fourth! ngl tho independence day is my least favorite holiday. fireworks terrify me. 💀