Lost and Found

17 | noah

I'm nothing but a jumble of walking nerves as I approach the twins.

Reeve and Grayson are kicking a soccer ball amongst themselves when I approach, my hands buried deep in my pockets. I'm not even sure why I'm approaching them, to be honest. My feet seem to be moving on autopilot, bringing me closer to the boys until I'm standing next to them.

Grayson is the first to notice me, eyeing me curiously before realization dawns on his features. I rack my brain for something to say to him, something that might make up for what I did to his sister, for all the time I haven't been around, for everything I missed out on.

All I manage to come up with is, "Hey."

Reeve turns around at the sound of my voice, expression mirroring his brother's. They both study me wordlessly, adding to my nerves.

Finally, Grayson mutters, "Hey, Noah." His gaze drifts over to his brother, Reeve, who still stares at me in silence. I notice anger etched into Reeve's features, eyes narrowed as they study me. Reeve and Blake had always been close, which makes me wonder if the relationship I once had with Reeve is now strained for good.

"I just thought I'd say hi. And that I'm sorry," I choke out, "for what happened between your sister and I. And, um, everything else. I guess that's all. So I'll, uh, leave you to it."

I nod awkwardly and turn around to go, only to have Grayson's voice call me back.

"Hey, Noah!" he cries, stopping me in my tracks. "You still play ball?"

I turn around to face the twins once more, ready to decline their offer. I stop short when I glance at Reeve to find him giving me a grudging nod, some of the anger having dissipated from his expression.

"Yeah," Reeve chimes, lips slowly breaking into a grin. "We could use another player."

That's how I end up caught in the middle of a soccer game with the twins, sort of like old times. I become more at ease as time goes on, realizing that I have the power to change my future as long as I put in the effort to make things better. Maybe that means I can make things right with Blake's family as well. I was absent for a while, but I'm here now. Maybe that means more than I first thought it did.

My heart melts when Jackie wanders over to us, much more grown than she used to be. She steals the soccer ball from her brothers before holding it under her arm, eyeing me suspiciously. She's only seven, so I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't remember me. All the same, she walks up to me purposefully, her eyes narrowed, sporting a frown of concentration.

Then she deadpans, "Cutie Patootie?"

My expression goes slack as I stare down at Jackie. Grayson starts to laugh, followed by his brother. I grin, shaking my head in disbelief.

"You remember me?" I question, bending down to Jackie's height.

"Yeah," Jackie says curtly, still looking somewhat confused. "I think so."

I can't help myself, I wrap my arms around Jackie and sling her through the air as I tickle her, making her laugh the way she used to all those years ago.

"What about now?" I tease, whirling Jackie around. "Remember me yet?"

"Yes!" Jackie says through her laughter. "Ah! Put me down!" I tickle her once more before giving in to her request, setting her down so she can play with her brothers.

Gazing across the yard, I lock eyes with Blake. She stares at me with an unreadable expression, tons of emotions shifting through her gaze. I begin to get the feeling that I've done something wrong.

I find my suspicions to be confirmed when Blake abruptly turns her back on me, heading toward the sliding glass door and leaving me in the dust. I'm moving before I know it, acting without thinking. I mutter her name beneath my breath as I rush toward Blake, ignoring the stares of her family and mine as I race after her.

"Blake," I exhale in a breath upon entering the house, closing the door behind me so as to have some privacy. "I'm sorry if I overstepped anything by how I acted just now. It's just . . . Jackie remembered me and I didn't think she would, and—"

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Noah," Blake steps in before I can continue rambling. The sound of her voice has me realizing that we are alone together for what feels like the first time in forever. Despite myself, I can't stop my gaze from lingering on her hair, noticing that it's different and that it is only a small part of her that has changed with all this time.

"That's the thing," I say absentmindedly, unaware that I'm speaking, "I have a lot to be sorry for. Especially when it comes to you. I think it's time I finally apologize for everything."

Blake shakes her head, her gaze meeting mine, expression indecipherable. Once upon a time, I could read the girl in front of me like a book. Now, she's nothing but a mystery. I can't stop myself from wanting to figure her out.

"Noah, please," she starts, "we should just—"

"I'm sorry," I murmur, cutting her off. "I'm sorry that things between us ended the way they did. I'm sorry that things between us ended at all. I'm sorry that I was stupid, Blake. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry I bailed on you when you needed me. I'm sorry I left you. I'm sorry that it's taken me this long to say all of this. I'm sorry."

Blake crosses her arms over her chest, her brown eyes welling with tears. I watch as she blinks, pursing her lips and uncrossing her arms, shifting her weight from one foot to another. I'm not sure what I'm expecting to come out of this moment, I'm not sure what I'm expecting her to say. All I know is that—as I look at her—I'm certain I'm still in love with her.

"I forgive you, Noah," Blake says hoarsely. Hearing her words makes me feel like a weight is being lifted from my shoulders. "I forgave you the moment you left. I don't hold anything against you. Especially not after all you had to go through."

I take a step toward her without thinking, heart shattering when she extends a hand to stop me.

"But the past is in the past, Noah," she continues, expression grave. "I've moved on. I think you should too."

I study Blake, from the roots of her now-straight her to her chocolate-colored eyes, gaze roaming the light spread of freckles across her cheeks and nose before dipping down to the lips I've kissed, all too aware of how close she's standing.

And just as quickly as this moment between us started, it ends. Blake brushes past me without another word. I watch as she takes steps toward the back door, sliding it open before stepping out onto the back patio. Then she's gone, leaving me behind the way I did her all those years ago.

Part of me wonders if she's gone for good.

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a/n: today is my girlfriend's birthday and i'm really sad i couldn't be with her :/