Three years after his mother's death, Noah Reed is lost once again. Unsure of where to go after running from his problems for so long, he ends up back home, wanting a place to finally settle down. He's ready to tie up loose ends and to try and corre...
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Since I've been back in Magnolia Heights, visiting my mother's grave has become a frequent habit of mine.
The following afternoon after I met with Jess, I wind up at the cemetery on the edge of town without even realizing I'd been heading here. I'd climbed into my truck, and this is where the road led me.
It had been hard at first to start visiting Mom's grave. Sitting on the bench across from her tombstone and staring at the granite and realizing that the grave is all I have left of my mom had been a hard pill to swallow. Slowly, conversation began to come naturally to me as I visited this place. Nowadays, I can talk into the silence of the air by Mom's tombstone easily, and if I close my eyes it's as if I'm getting the chance to talk to her again.
That's exactly what I find myself doing now, sitting on the bench as I breathe in the warm spring air, venting as the birds chip in the Magnolia trees up above.
"I had lunch with Jess yesterday," I say, twirling a single daisy in my hand around mindlessly. "You met her the night of my graduation. I bet you'd remember her. Jess is hard to forget. You probably wouldn't recognize her now, though. She cut her hair. And she's blond now. But that is beside the point."
I inhale a collective breath as I try to gather my thoughts, staring down at the flower I hold.
"We talked about Blake. Jess said some things I haven't been able to stop thinking about. She thinks there's a chance for me and Blake to get back together if I'm willing to work for it. Thorne told me the same thing a while back. But part of me can't stop wondering if it's even worth trying."
I hesitate for a moment, lost in thought. "I mean, Blake's moved on by now, Mom. I can see it when I look at her. She's different now. She doesn't need me in the way I need her. She's strong and independent and . . . happy. Is it wrong that it hurts to know that, Mom? To know that she can be happy without me, yet I'm miserable without her?"
I sigh, running a hand through my hair restlessly.
"She's with someone else now. Some med student named Dylan, or something like that. She seems happy with him. Who am I to try and ruin that? To that away from her because I'm selfish would be wrong. Everyone keeps telling me I should try to work things out with her again anyway, but it's like they're not even thinking about Blake. They're just thinking of the past and trying to find ways to get back to it. It's like I'm the only one who realizes that the past is over, and that everything changes for a reason. It kills me to admit that."
My eyes well with tears as I glance at my mother's headstone, reading over the inscribed words I've long since memorized. I shake my head as my vision begins to blur, my heart aching as I stare at all I have left of my mother.
"It's too bad you can't answer me," I manage to choke out, voice cracking. "You'd know exactly what to say. You always did."
Referring to my mother in the past tense breaks my heart. An unshed tear threatens to fall, despite how hard I'm trying to keep myself together.
