Book Reviews (CFCU - Sorry!!)

Love Will Remember Review

Love will remember by imperfectigirl16

Overal Review:
From what I can tell, from both the summar6 and the first few chapters this story is about a typical aggronaunt , spoiled rich boy who lose his memory and changes for the better, whilst in this change he re - meets a girl who knew him when he was selfish and cruel - they learn to fall in love with one another despite their first rough meeting. However when he regains his memory, everything hangs in the balance! Despite all the good memories they have with one another will he change or will he still love her, read to find out.  Its a book that I can tell will have twist and turns or if it doesn't - then why not 😭 the opportunity is there🥺.

Warning for others - I have gave a few spoilers in this review as I have been giving examples using her original work - thank you 🤔🙃

Positives/What I enjoyed:
- I like the smilies/metephors you have used for example I like the one where she says "Children can also be angels" it is a step forward to showing how the character feels about certain things/ situations in this case children (see constructive criticism for more info about developing this and why it is important)

- How much you write. What I mean by this is you don't write in massive chunks but you also don't write in single sentences - you give just the right amount of words per paragraph. This is good because if the paragraphs were say too long then people may get bored of reading it because it makes it look too long and scruffy but luckily you don't have this problem 🙃

- I liked how you made it so the girl thought that giving CPR was the same as giving her fist kiss away - it showed a part of her personality and who she is as a person, it gives the readers a better understanding of her character (More tips/ development in constructive critism)

- I like the contrast between the characters, I quite like the guy which at this point I don't think we are meant to, are we? If not I'd make him more stucked up like when he gives her the IOU slip you could describe it like this (so that u know what I mean) "Slowly I give her the IOU, making sure not a single part of my hand accidently touched hers, it's bad enough our lips touch - I could never associate myself with a low cast like her. Not to mention all lowcasts are annoying, she is no exception" or something like this to make him more stuck up, then later we can learn to love/like him when we find out about his backsotry and why he is the way he is ( and no money can't be the only reason why he is arrogant, whilst it may seem like it it isn't it has to be something more personal e.g his parents were rich and spoiled him giving him all he wanted as a child but never spent much time with him hence now when he is grown up he thinks he can do the same etc he thinks people are a waste of his time etc)

Constructive critism:
- First things first be sure to re - read your work because a lot of times when reading the chapters I had to keep re - reading one sentence or paragraph just to make sense of it. This is because what I think you have done is kept changing the tense of your story, making it difficult to read e.g. "No... No... Why will I hide... Don't you trust your beloved daughter" when it should have said "Why would I hide" if you can see it's much less tounge twisty and confusing further more I would specify what you are talking about so it is more understandable and clear to the reader. Another reason to re - read your work is because you are missing capitals, especially with the 'I' I kept seeing alit of 'i's and as you can imagine it is rather irritating to the eye.

- In your first official chapter you are using a lot of (...) now this is ok but in the way your using it for there are much better ways. (don't worry to much about doing it as it is a common fist mistake and I'm here to help 🙂) so if trying to create a pause (which I think is what you were trying to do) use ethier a (-) a (,) or (.). I would refrain from using (,) because if you don't know how to you can create improper sentences (you create a false commer that should not be there) however on another note if you are confident using these (,) then you can however I imagine when putting (...) you were aiming for a longer pause than a (,) but one that would give a shorter pause than a (.) in this case the perfect punctuation to use would be a dash(-)

To show/ prove how these are better than (...) Im going to give the previous quote I used "No... No... Why would I hide... Don't you trust your beloved daughter"

"No, no - why would I hide the money. Do you not trust your beloved daughter?"

Do you see the difference and how the second version is more effective/professional than the first?
Furthermore you have other ountation/ grammar errors, so I suggest checking out the last review I did in this book before yours because it goes into a lot about punctuation too. 💕Know that having correct/ a wider variety of punctuation really does make a difference :)

-Be more sentimental, what I mean by this is write more about the characters and who they are and when talking about the misery of her life, give clear examples and make it emotional, tell the readers how this hardship has effected her life in the shot run and in the long run. If she dislikes her mum then make her hate her mum, blame everything on her or if she likes her mum make her love her mum and have a good friendship and if it's something in between make it so that she loves her mum but shouldn't in the sense she is oblivious to her mums (I don't know) manipulation or something like that. It will spice up the story and help us to really get a clear picture of her life

When talking about the misery about all your life is to get married rich - really express this like "my life, its hard - no it's miserable. All I was born for was to marry rich because hell knows that I can't make money on my own and mum must agree because she has always told me to marry for money - does she not have faith in me? Does she hate me that much?" it just helps create a deeper meaning (a tip to help with this, not only on this part but through out the book is to think to yourself 'why have I mentioned this info' and if you don't know then scrap it and if you do know then explain but without giving the plot away) if this makes sense?

-Be more descriptive in general, explain your car more, we know its from the 40's but what colour is it, what noise does it make, again how does it make the character feel to have an old car (does she hate it, does she love it? ) etc. Also describe the characters more physically like what's there hair colour etc.

Overal thoughts:
Overal, I would say with the right editing and with added description and emotions this story could be pretty good, especially if you have twist and turns in this book e.g. The best friend turns our to be his brother (or something like that - just big 'wows' to shock/surprise the readers and make them want to read on) my biggest advise to you is to dive in deeper with not only the description but the feelings because you need to make the reader feel like they are apart of the story too. You can't just tell a story you have to live the story! Also to fix the punctuation etc. To help make it less confusing. Also please don't be put off by how much there is writing wise, it's just because I've explained it in detail, if I didn't it wouldn't look as much. I hope this review has helped you and you continue to write and apply this advice to your work 😊

Personal rate: 4.5/10
The storyline is decent/good but it needs much improvement. But it is your first story and therefore it is going to need editing before it can become a master piece. Just don't give up 💕 this review was only to help and not to put you down in anyway!