Book Reviews (CFCU - Sorry!!)

A Billion Dollar Mess Review

A Billion Dollar Mess Pauly_Queen123

Overal Review:
This story is your casual mixup/switcharoo. It's about a nerdy girl 'Bella' who just so happens to be on her way to university when the mistake happens, when instead of university she ends up in Los Angeles, being mistaken for a celebrity. She must some how survive the struggles of acting like a rich girl e.g. Makeup and fashion not to mention how she must act. Of course there is also a romance to this story of pretending and to a billionaire no doubt. Whilst this story may have grabbed your attention be aware you may get confused if you leave the book for some time just because of the type of book it is.

Positives/ What I enjoyed:

-First things first I enjoyed the storyline and think with help/editing it could be something great however at the moment I can't really stick with it and it has nothing to do with the idea itself but rather the way it's written(I speak about some of these things in constructive critism)

- I think something that does well in your story is the metaphors you use, because it's helping to create a better understanding of what you are trying to describe (however if you want to push yourself I would explore other writing methods too, to be more complex and original)

- I really like Cadens character, I think you describe him very well even in the first chapter we meet him in and you really saw the type of person he was (and his personality) and I personally have already formed a reader/character bond with him(If this makes sense) further in saying this I liked the chapter in which he met Bella/Mercedes - it was interesting to see his thoughts about her.

- Your description was good, it could still be improved though 😁

-The pictures of characters/aesthetics are great to have in a story because it gives readers a chance to know how the intended way for them to act/be is based upon the aesthetic, it also means you don't have to explain so deeply the description of characters as they know what they look like roughly from the pictures you showed.

Constructive critism:
- Ok, so the main thing I had an issue with/ think you should really improve on is your punctuation/grammar and I know this may sound silly or even maybe 'boring' or wasteful advice but it's not, I promise you! It's true what they say "punctuation/grammar is everything) so in saying that here are my pointers...

- I noticed you used this (...) A lot in your prologue, whilst using this piece of punctuation is still ok to use, you use it not only too much but in the wrong context too. If you are trying to create a pause (which I'm pretty sure you are as I myself used (...) alot myself in the past) then try using a dash instead (-) as it can be used to create a pause that is longer than a comma (,) but not as long as example a full stop(.) by using these(-) instead of(...) it creates the effect you intended better as it looks more professional and less all over the place(if this is making sense?)

-Two you seem to also be using a lot of (!!!!!) when writing and whilst I understand you use this is to exaggerate a point, there once again are better ways to do this without your work looking unprofessional and messy. For example when you say "ugh!!!!" you could instead go "ugh! I hate it. I hate it. I hate it!" you see the difference? Whilst this may not be the best way to create exaggeration in every case it definitely is one way (to repeat a word or phase instead of many(!!!!))

- Another thing is don't put (?!) together! I can't stress this enough- ahh! These two punctuation signs do not go together, except in rare cases such as in comic books but that's about it. If you want people to read your book without completely loosing their mind over punctuation I advise you to only put one or the other. A way to help you do this is think "Is it more of a statement or a question" because if it is more a question you could say "Have you heard?" she squeals excited/frustrated (or whatever the emotion may be) however if the sentence is more of a statement, so maybe something that's not meant to be answered you could put "Have you heard!" she looks at me anger covering her face as she asks me this question. (do you understand? So you can show it's both a question and statement without simply putting (?!))

-Oh, another thing to do with the (!!!) is instead of using that to show excitement or what not, you can use words once again to show this for example "Your a star - we love you!" the crowd says, pronouncing every syllable, as if they must be heard. (I hope you get what I mean and can see the difference?)

-Your description is good as stated above however as a little tip to make your writing even better! When describing a place/thing/person zoom in and focus on a small detail, you started to do this when looking at the photos but go even deeper - talk about the frame for example and talk about the small details for example "the finley painted, golden frames had small bronze leaves, that overlapped one another - creating a collage of nature that brought out the redness in the image" etc.

Overal thoughts:
Overal, like previously stated I like storyline and think your writing is decent but it can always be improved even the bestselling books can be improved further if they wanted too. I don't want you too feel like all I have done is criticize you because I haven't Im just trying to help, furthermore the punctuation/grammar things I have pointed out are very common (like I said I use to do these mistakes awhile back too) but everyone can improve on them. I just thought it be good to let you know about the punctuation mainly because it can really let your book down because some people can't stand it being incorrect etc and therefore they miss the chance at a great storyline💕 I really hope I haven't offended you in anyway and hope this review has helped you :)

Personal rate: 5/10
Needs improvements, but so does every book🙂 all you got to do is keep trying because that's how all famous writers got to were they are today and it be a shame to see you give up!

(Sorry if there are any speeling mistakes in this auto correct keeps changing a few words, I have of course read through it but sometimes I still miss some🥺)