As writers it can be very hard to know exactly what our readers want/ expect from a book, not only is it hard to please our readers but it is also hard to accept all our hard work and to find greatness within it. Sometimes it is hard to find the mot...
Overal review: From what I could tell, this story is to do about a Fated Night. A night that changed everything for one girl, a girl who had been isolated for most of her life, hated by most who knew her. She had no friends, no family - or not really anyway. She was alone forever... Or so she would have thought. Everyday she remenbers her past trauma of the night in which everything went wrong, when her brother was killed and she also was almost killed.what would happen when the Violet eyed man re-enters her life? A fantasy/ supernatural read.
(Quite a few spoilers in this review for any readers looking for books so read review at your own risk 😅💕)
Positives/What I enjoyed: - I enjoyed the continuous questions such as when the dad started talking to her etc and she was very confuse as to the why as this is one way to show and not tell.
- I think your description is rather good. You described your characters with memorable features as well as the balcony where the flowers were. Some examples of what I mean is the freshly trimmed hair and beard. The silver hair and Violet eyes. Icy blue eyes and of course the flowers that shimmer in the moonlight etc.
- The storyline so far of what I read. I like the way you have structured it for the most part ☺️
Constructive critism: There isn't much for this, just one main point and a few extra small things that would help your story be better. (You will see what I mean)
-So my first point (this is the major one I was talking about) is to make your first official chapter (So chapter 1 not the prologue) is to make it more emotional. Personally I find at the moment it to be rather boring... It was as if you were chucking information out there just for the purpose of the storyline. You didn't really describe how everything made the character feel, you only told us about everything bad in her life as if it was an event. I feel like the absent of emotions has taken away an emotional connection with the characters because for all we know she enjoys the fact her father hates her (of course she does not and its a low chance but you get what I mean)
To show you exactly what I mean I've rewrote one of your paragraphs basically the same but added in how she may feel. (see below. The screenshot is yours how it is now)
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Rewrote to include her emotions:
My life was complicated even before that Fated Night. What ever could I possibly mean? Well, my mother died giving birth to me and my fathe - Mr Andrew he was left with a child. An unwanted child. That child was me. You would think that he as my supposed father would love me and help me through life after loosing a parent despite his previous mindset of not wanting me - but... That was never the case. I was a murderer, I killed the love of his life and the punishment or that was never ending hate. I lost both parents within the same night despite one still being alive. Maybe I really was a mistake? Maybe, maybe I should have never been born all I clearly cause is pain and torture to everyone I meet.
Emily, always tells me how my father and she loves me, how I shouldn't call myself a bastard but that was what I was and nothing could change that, no amount of tears or unhappiness I was in would change the fact that my 'loving' family would always hate me, make me feel worthless. I tried so hard to make them love me as a younger child but now I accept the fact I'll always be a nuisance, I always be alone and heartbroken...
Etc. Etc. I know I changed a few things... But I hope you see what I mean by adding her thoughts and how it makes it more emotional. Of course Im not trying to upset you or hurt you by commenting this - and usually I wouldn't tell someone exactly how to write a whole chapter - but as it's the first official chapter you want it to be interesting otherwise you may loose out on reads despite how good the rest of the book is. (If you still don't get what I mean let me know and I'll try and explain differentlt🙂😅)
- Dont use both (?!) next to one another. Its better if you use only one. For example instead of saying "Huh?! My what, I thought I said I didn't want one" I said irratated.
Instead say something like "Huh? I thought I said I didn't want one!" I said irritated
Or
"Huh! I thought I said I didn't want one!" I questioned irratated
Or
"Huh? I thought I said I didn't want one" I shriek irratated.
Do you see what I'm doing? I'm using one or the other and using other words instead of "Said" to show the way in which she asked.
- Reread your book and correct some grammar and spellings etc for example making sure all your 'I' are capital. As there were a few lowercase and spelling mistakes one that I can remember was instead of "Way" it was "wat". There small issues but it's better to read a book with no/ a very small amount of grammatical issues etc.
Overal thoughts: Overal, I really did quite like your story once I got past that first chapter. Though a little predictable I liked the aspect of the writing style and how we really understand and know the main character such as what clothes she likes etc.
I might carry on reading it, but I also might not... It's one of those stories I think lacks a little bit of emotion as specified mostly on chapter one, making it hard to feel connected to it but I did regardless like the shocks/ surprises for example her dad just talking to her etc and the Violet eye guy turning up at the party (though I did kinda expect it but it was good to be right😂)
I guess what I'm saying is the story has potential 💕 I hope I haven't offended/ upset you in any way, I am just trying to help and not in any means trying to insult your story😅.
Personal Rate: 6/10 Has potential to be great with a some editing.
Questions/ Suggestions: - The story is a little confusing (I might just be dumb but...) is it meant to be this way until further in the story or...? - Two, I do like how you have structured your story however I would mention somewhere about Emily unexpected giving birth earlier in the story (I know you mentioned it in chapter 3) but until that chapter I kept wondering who her brothers mother was due to hers dying when she gave birth to her and Emily not being able to concieve. It distracted me a little from the story...but its up to you as I don't want you to ruin flow of story and I might be the only one who feels this way😅.
Hope you enjoyed the review/hope it helps. Sorry if I did offend you but really didn't mean to, besides I am just one person I mean someone else review on the book could be completely different but this is how I feel😅💕.
