As writers it can be very hard to know exactly what our readers want/ expect from a book, not only is it hard to please our readers but it is also hard to accept all our hard work and to find greatness within it. Sometimes it is hard to find the mot...
Before you read this review I must admit I don't actually know who this fanfiction is about, like I don't know who they are in real life, so if there was any references to the real life people in this which I didn't understand then sorry, I just don't want to turn anyone away, as we all need help when it comes to writing😅🥺
Overal review:
This is a story of 7 boys with 7 different situations but one story. A tale of best friends and the struggles they must overcome in everyday life. A fanfiction.
(spolielr alert - there are a few within this review!)
Positives/What I enjoyed: - I liked the twist of the proffessor/teacher being one of their fathers and not just his teacher. Adds somewhat originality to the book
- I really like this small paragraph. Here you have touched on showing and not just telling (see constructive criticism for more info on this.)
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It's like I actually feel sorry for him because I can connect to it more than if it just said 'he was sad'
Your description is off to a good start for example in this paragraph where you explain the sun on the lake.
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- Images can be good to show people who don't know the fandom(such as me) a clearer idea of what the characters look like however... There is a limit to this (see constructive critism for more information about this) Constructive critism: Ok before I put anything here I just want to say that I'm only trying to help, so please do not be disheartened/offended by how much is in here... Plus I did warn in description etc that these were honest reviews 😅 so with that let's get you on your way to a greater book☺️. - My first major No in your book is the images. Whilst I do like the images as specified in Positives, I think you have added way to many. Not only does it distract from the story but it also is kind of pointless to have many images in one chapter (for example the teacher chapter) this is because no one (unless they are fans/know who is the fan fiction is about) is going to remember what each of them look like from memory and they won't want to keep looking back.
A way you can avoid this problem is: 1. Put the minor and majors information within the 'information chapter' with the first set of images. 2. Add the teachers images as the story goes along. 3. Describe the characters, whilst images are great because it helps the readers visualise it should only be that to help not be the sole element to showing the characters. I suggest describing there features still because images are not commonly used in published books but also because readers want this - or in my case I would - for example if I was reading a Harry Styles fan fic. I would like the images of course but I would also want description of his curly brown hair, baby face and his cheeky grin etc. You get what I'm saying? Wouldn't u much rather read about a character/ person that just see them?
- Ok, so one thing I think that could be better is your "show don't tell" because whilst you do touch on this concept every now and then you don't do it as often as it should be done.
For example you said in one of your chapters that your character was frustrated.
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Instead of that of which you wrote you could have "I should have got an A- not a B. This is unbelievable - you know what I don't care anymore. As the bell rings I take one more look at my paper before shaking my head disappointedly and stomping out of school, I wanted to make it clear I had an attitude. So unbelievable.
You notice how I showed he was frustrated(words in bold) instead of saying he was frustrated?
- OK so some advice is to not add information that is not needed such as having a whole chapter about ice cream... It doesn't really add anything to the story( or not of what I read anyhow) it's like for example if I was writing say a fantasy and I mentioned a dagger on a unit that would be because it's important later within the story... I wouldn't just throw that information about a dagger unless it developed the story in some way. Whist your had the aspect of one of them getting angry. I feel their is better/ more emotional ways to do this, this is however just my opinion 🤷🏻♀️
- Last point I'm going to mention is something I usually wouldn't comment in but I think I should address it... That in being your book cover. There isn't anything majorly wrong with it except for the fact it looks at a glance like rest of your other books and doesn't really draw people into the book. It's like if I saw that as a cover no matter how good the description or book may be, I personally don't think I'd click on it from its bland and basic design. I suggest maybe as it's a fanfic book include an image of who it is about and put the writing/quotes on top of it.
Sorry but that is unfortunately something people do judge a book off 🥺
Overal thoughts: OK, Overal thoughts. Overal I think the book needs a lot of editing to create a deeper meaning/emotional connection. Whilst I do not mean to offend/hurt you there is quite a bit that needs to be done. Of course you really shouldn't feel offended/ feel like your a bad writer because it's common and natural to need to improve a lot on your first book. I mean my fisrt ever book that I wrote and actually liked. I ended up deleting it a few years later because I found it so clishe and unrealistic. Now this isn't to say to delete your story - that would just be silly/mean. But what I'm trying to say is maybe if I had edited that book instead of deleting it, I could of had/been something amazing. Just like your book can be, so please try not to be upset about this review😅(sorry I just feel like I've mentioned a lot in constructive criticism🥺)
However on another note, I did read until like chapter 9 and notice that was around the half way mark and honestly I don't really know where the story is going and I can't make up my mind if it's a good or bad thing 😬😅It's like usually a story has a message or point about it... Hm... For example my book Turning A Blind Eye is has the meaning behind it that looks don't always matter and how people should live their lives to the fullest because you never know what the future holds. But with your story I couldn't seem to find this message or anything... This could be because I haven't finished the book or I'm not familiar with the people in which it's based upon but... I just thought I'd mention this😅🤔.
Personal rate: 4/10 I don't think it's my kind of book personally, but also it needs a lot of editing which is expected of a first book, so don't worry about that too much💕
