CRITIQUE 2020 [TEMPORARILY CLOSE]

Underneath The Starry Skies by biaaannx

𝗧𝗜𝗧𝗟𝗘:

The title is good! Nagandahan ako sa title ng iyong story. Related naman siya sa kabuoan ng iyong kwento kaya wala akong masasabing problema sa chosen title mo.

Pero for me, mas gusto ko kasi yung naging unang title mo. But I'm not requiring you to change it. So, congrats with this part my dear author.

𝗕𝗢𝗢𝗞 𝗖𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥:

The book cover is already nice. Ang simple tignan but even thou it's simple, nagustuhan ko talaga yung dating niya. Madali mo lang kasing mababasa yung title because it compliments with the background that you used. Even the font is good.

However, I don't seem to get the connection of the book cover and the story title? Because the title is UNDERNEATH THE STARRY SKIES but the background was a hand (if I'm not mistaken)? How are they related po?

Please let me know kung bakit kamay po, ano? Baka kasi mali lang ako ng nakikita.

But again, I don't require you to change your book cover lalo na kung settled ka na sa book cover mo at kapapalit mo pa lang. And we will respect whatever you decide since it is your story.

𝗗𝗘𝗦𝗖𝗥𝗜𝗣𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡:

After reading the description, all I can say is that, the story revolves on two people underneath the starry skies where they will fall in love with each other and other romantic stuffs that happens on romantic stories. With that, I'm not quiet thrilled with the description. Why? Dahil pakiramdam ko ay magsisimula ang kwento sa dalawang tao tapos magkakalayo then magkikita tapos mahuhulog na sila sa isa't-isa. Plain as that.

Kung okay lang sana, try to edit your book description? Yung pagkabasa ko pa lang ay mapapasigaw ako ng "I need to read more! Because I can't get enough of this story!"

It may be a simple romantic story, but give your readers something that they'll hold on to your story.

𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗔𝗟𝗟:

▪︎First, I was a bit confused about your story dahil pagkabukas ko pa lang ng iyong kwento, puro blanko na ang nakikita ko sa story parts (I am using the old version of wattpad with my phone that was invented way back 2013 so I wasn't able to see the titles of your story parts kaya pasensya kung hindi ako nakahiram ng ibang phone para makita ko sana). Hindi ko rin po namalayan na nagpalit po kayo ng story title kasi, same reason, iba po yata yung gamit ninyong font.

But, don't worry because that didn't stop me from reading your book. Ang akin lang, you should consider the gadgets that your readers are using kasi magka-problema sila kagaya sa akin.

▪︎Second, napansin kong 80% ng iyong story ay English language po ang inyong ginamit and 20% naman sa tagalog.

May I ask, why didn't you just write the whole story in english po? Kasi, I saw potential in your story na mas bagay siya sa english language. Pero, kung hindi ka po kumportable na gawing buong english ang kwento mo, mas okay sana kung i-balance mo po ang paggamit ng english at tagalog language. Kasi sa totoo lang po, medyo bigla akong naninibago kapag puro english na yung nababasa ko tapos may nasisingit po na tagalog words eh medyo hindi po kumportable sa'kin as a reader. Naguguluhan po ako sa transition of story ng dahil po doon kaya I hope you can work that out po.

Kung ayaw niyo pong gawing deretsong english story, okay lang po. We will understand kung ayaw niyo pong ibahan.

▪︎Third, nakulangan ako sa kwento mo po. Parang hindi ko po gaanong maramdaman yung characters.
Isa pa ay ang grammar (which is problema na ang grammar ng halos lahat ng manunulat, including me). Kaunti lang ang napansin kong errors sa story mo and I trust you that you'll improve more dahil may potential ka.

@biaaannx Thank you for trusting our shop! I hope we somewhat gave you some good advices for you to reflect upon. And if you have friends that might as well be interested, please invite them po😊. It would be of much help to let our shop grow.

PS: If you have complains about the critique, please please please message us instantly and we'll deal with your hinaing privately. Again, thank you for trusting our shop!

PPS: Sorry kung ngayon lang po. Busy lang talaga.