Promiscuous (Who's the slut?)

Epilogue

I could forgive, but I doubt if I could ever forget.

Sometimes it's the numbness that's more scary. When you felt like not feeling, sensing and seeing at all. But as they all say life must go on... you could stop living for a moment. The whole world would mourn for you. But in the end, it's still you who would be left behind.

It's not letting go. But more like accepting the truth that you couldn't undo the past. And all you have to do is live with what is left of life. But then time heals all wounds.

I put the hat down my eyes for a safe cover from the sun. I knelt down and touched the smooth tomb before me. I traced the engraved letters then I smiled at the five year old toddler as she put the bouquet of flowers on it.

"Mom, do you think Pop is happy in there?" She wrinkled her pert nose in doubt. I smiled faintly at her and flipped the locks of fallen hair to her ears.

"He'd be happy if he..." I sighed. "sees you pee on your pyjama some time in the night. If he gets to hug you on Christmas eve." She nodded as if she'd been with him through out her growing years.

"Mom, I don't pee anymore." She pouted her lips just so like mine. I chuckled. "Mom said that she loves you just the same." That made me turned my head to my little girl, talking to him.

She looks like you. You'd be proud of her if you could just see her now. All pretty and talkative. Just as stubborn. She's got your dark eyes I wonder... had you lived, if you'd be happy to see us both.

She looked at me thoughtfully. "It's sad I didn't get to meet Pop." Yes. Too sad.

"Say goodbye to him Steffie." I brushed the small dried leaves that clung to her dress as we stood up. She dimpled at me and turned to wave at the tomb as if he was really there standing before us.

"Pop... I'm going to New York with mommy and..." She made a face not knowing what to say next. "Daddy. I'll see you when I see you. Is that right mommy?" She giggled then ran quickly to the car.

Forgive me for everything. I gulped. I did move on now after all the fiasco that happened to my life. And I'm thankful for you... You've been a great part of it. You also made me stronger. If only... you just held on... I couldn't just... live with the past, could I? But I could make the future a good one for Steffie. All I could do now is to give her a happy family that I never had. That you should have given me.

I sadly smiled and felt the wind on my face. I closed my eyes for a second. I pulled out the letter and put it upon his tomb.

Goodbye...

I got in the car and checked with Steffie's seatbelt. "I love you... baby." I kissed her on the forehead just like what Rave always did to me. She grinned at me as I rolled my eyes. "You look like your aunt Laina when you smile like that." I drove slowly out of the cemetery. "And I hate it..." I whispered with a hiss.

Five years and seven months to be exact.

"You hate what mom? Aunt Laina?" She frowned. And I rolled my eyes. "I miss her already." I almost groaned in my seat and started laughing. When I gave birth to her Laina was there. Well, she couldn't for the life of her leave me. Why not? She depended on us now. Mamita, that old hag is really my grandmother. No doubt about that now. I giggled silly when I think back how Laina was shocked to find out that the mansions were going to foreclose by the bank. She was left with debts by Mamita.

I parked in front of the ordinary house that Laina called as a dollhouse after moving in here. "Get out of my house! Now!" I winced just as I heard a crash from the inside. Steffie quickly hopped out of the car. What the hell was the matter with that woman now?