Once More With Feeling

Not So Lost Anymore

Sans sighed and let his gaze wander up to Papyrus, who was sitting next to him on his racecar bed.

He would never forget the day they build it for the younger skeleton- they being he and dad, back when everything was still alright.

Papyrus had been a little babybones, no older than five years and still smaller than Sans, who had been around nine at the time.

"SO BROTHER, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT?"

The older skeleton felt his grin go tight at the edges, magic being the only thing that held it up anymore.

He didn't want to smile.

"do you.. remember the day we got this for ya, paps?"

Better to ease Papyrus into it, instead of rushing to get it out like he originally wanted to.

After all, the younger one had no memory of their father.

Papyrus nodded enthusiastically, when Sans pointed to the racecar bed.

"I CAME BACK FROM SCHOOL AND YOU SURPRISED ME WITH IT! THAT WAS SO COOL! YOU SAID A GREAT GUY LIKE ME NEEDED A GREAT BED TOO!"

'tch, course.', he scoffed.

Why did he even try? Papyrus had never remembered before, why would he start now all of a sudden?

Sans heaved a heavy sigh, hands shoved deep into his jackets pockets.

"it wasn't me. not alone, at least.", he finally forced out. "dad build it. i just helped."

The silence after that stretched on for minutes.

"D-Dad?"

He turned his face away, didn't want Papyrus to see the pain there.

"yeah, dad. you can't remember him, i know."

'but i can.', Sans added internally, anger about his fathers stupidity rising.

Why had he been such an idiot?

"Why can't I remember him?", his brother asked with a quiet voice before Sans could get lost in his thoughts. "And why do you remember?"

"he fell into the core, years ago. i wa-" Sans quickly cut himself off. "you were still a babybones, younger than frisk."

And as for why Sans could remember Gaster..

He hoped Papyrus would drop that question.

He didn't feel up to revealing anything about the DT projects down in the True Lab to him.

And he wasn't sure how his brother would react to the news that daddy dearest pumped him full of determination back in the days.

Then again, to be fair, Gaster had asked him, time and time again, gave him all the chances of getting out before it started.

But Sans had been a kid. And stupid, so incredibly stupid.

Gaster had (without thinking or any idea about how that would affect a kid) told him he was a weapon, to destroy humanity, that that's what he was created for.

And of course Sans wanted to make him proud.

The doc could've probably told him to go fight all of humanity by himself and the young skeleton would have gone without so much as a second thought.

Needless to say, the second everything had gone to shit and Gaster realised just how much pain Sans went through on these DT sessions, he stopped them completely.