Promise // Mullette

chapter 17

- Lafayette -

King being out of the house has quickly become my favorite thing, despite the not so good situation I'm in.

Sam and I never see each other unless he's gone, and even though we can't leave the house, we can have other fun.

A lot of times, we end up watching movies in the theater King has. Sam managed to secretly buy and order a phone in the time that he's been here, so we play games on it sometimes. I wish I had my phone too, so that I could call Hercules and tell him what is happening.

I asked Sam why he does not just call someone for help on the phone he bought. He told me that he leaves coded messages in posts that he makes online but is too afraid to call someone in case they come when King is here.

I understand what he means. I am afraid of King and afraid of resisting him. He threatens me when I push him away, so I have learned to willingly let him do what he wants to me.

Every time he finishes with me, I find myself in the shower, scrubbing away at my skin as hard as I can without really hurting myself. I let tears fall from my eyes and mix with the shower water - my father would be so, what's the worst? Disappointed. He'd be so disappointed if he knew I cried. If he knew I couldn't fight back hard enough when King took me away.

I stay awake at night, staring at the ceiling and praying to someone, anyone, to help me out of here and give me back to Hercules. Which sends me into more tears thinking about how he'll be disgusted with me, he won't want me anymore because someone took advantage of me.

I miss him so much. I want to be with him. We had a date the day I was taken.

These thoughts come to me as Sam and I are watching another movie, some Disney one that I've never seen before. But I'm too focused on my thoughts to care.

Tears well in my eyes and I quickly try to contain them. I do not want my emotions getting the best of me, not while I'm with Sam. He's focused on the movie, staring into the screen with wide eyes. It reminds me of my Hercules and his dark, deep eyes.

This thought, the image of his eyes burned in my mind is what sends the hot tears running down my cheeks. The drip in fat blobs onto the gray sweatshirt King made me put on. It's heavy and thick, but I find my arms pricking with goosebumps anyway.

I sink deeper into myself and wrap my blanket around me tighter. I feel my breath move faster and try to wrap my arms around myself to calm down. Sam still hasn't noticed my tears.

Everything from the past while hits me in unison and I throw my hand over my mouth to choke back the sobs. Sam notices my movement and looks over before looking back to the TV, then doing a double take and realizing that I am crying.

"What's wrong? Tangled isn't really a sad movie?" He asks, moving closer to me. I shake my head and try to calm myself down. It doesn't work.

"It's nothing, it is alright. Do not worry, focus on this Tangled movie." I say, sniffling in between every few words. God, this is about to turn into a full on panic attack. Haven't had one of those in a while...

"Laf, it's okay, I can tell something's wrong. What's the matter?" He asks, looking concerned. My head feels light and I feel like I'm floating. This is about to go somewhere I don't want it to.

"No, it's okay. I'm just going to go to the restroom. Keep watching the movie." I mumble, standing up shakily. I walk to the bathroom but I don't really feel like I'm walking, I sort of just end up there.

I swing the door open and close it quickly, turning the lock and double checking it to be sure it's closed and no one can get in to see me in this state.

The bathroom is huge, marble floors and a glass enclosed shower, a free standing tub and sink. The niceties of it aren't my focus at the moment, though.

I feel myself slide to the floor, pulling my hands away from my head to put them on the cold stone floor in the hopes that it would make me feel better. It doesn't.

I leave a hand on the floor as I sit propped up against the outside of the shower wall and bring a hand to my hair. I twist and untwist my tight curls around a finger the way I tend to when I get this way.

My heart feels as if it is about to fly out of my chest and suddenly, I can't breathe so well anymore. I get on my hands and knees and sink down to put my forehead on the ground, not caring that it could be dirty. My elbows fall into a plank position and I dig my hands into my hair, keeping my head on the floor. I can't handle this anymore. I'm terrified and I miss Hercules and the way things used to be.

I squeeze my eyes shut and lay there for a while, counting and breathing as evenly as possible, stopping every once in a while when the tears resurface and my chest hurts and feels like it's going to break open.

By the time my attack is over, I feel exhaustion course through my body. I curl into a ball on the floor, knowing I would be more comfortable on the couch or a bed but not feeling like I have the stability to stand to get there. So I lay on the floor.

I want to sleep peacefully without nightmares of King plaguing my sleep. I focus on thoughts on Hercules and our rain filled parking lot kiss, our restaurant dates and us meeting. My eyes begin to close and I'm swept into his arms in my dreams.

And just like that, it's over. I hear a knock on the bathroom door that jolts me away from Hercules and back in the house I've come to obviously despise. I slowly push off the ground, grabbing the nearest object for stability. I unlock the door to see Sam standing there, holding a blanket and a cup full of what I think is tea.

"You've been in here for a long time, I got worried. Are you better now? I brought some tea if you want some." He said, holding the mug out to me. I take it and thank him.

"Yes, I am better now. I'm sorry about my outburst, I should control that better next time." I say sheepishly, rubbing my neck and feeling my face get hot.

"No, Laf, it's really okay. It seems like you had a panic attack. You should go upstairs and rest for a while. We still have until tomorrow night until King comes home." He tells me, wrapping the blanket around me and leading me out of the bathroom and up the stairs. His touch is soft and gentle against my arm, and the knitted blanket around me feels nice.

He leads me to the room I stay in when King isn't taking advantage of me and I sit on the edge of the bed, taking a sip of tea before setting it on the table next to the bed.

"I am so sorry, Sam. I ruined your afternoon." I say nervously. He shakes his head and out of nowhere, leans forward to hug me. It's comforting.

"Don't worry about it. Get some rest." He closes the curtains and the room darkens, blocking out the soft light of the early evening. I crawl under the covers and keep the knitted blanket around me before settling against the pillows. And I could swear, just before I fell asleep, that I could feel Sam move his hand gently across my hair and leave a soft kiss against my temple. Maybe I was just dreaming that part, though. It's been a long day anyway.