Notes:
Disclaimer, don't own Merlin or anything like that. Just a heads up, this chapter starts slow and then picks up the pace rather quickly. The title of this chapter pertains to Merlin's feelings so not much of Arthur's POV is shown here.
Chapter 19: Mixed Emotions
Tears slowly ran down Merlin's face as Arthur removed his hands. As Merlin lowered his damped eyelashes he felt a slight graze on his bottom lip, his heart seemed to stand still waiting for conformation that his mind hadn't made it up. Yet Merlin didn't have the strength to open his eyes, scared to face the reality that he had lost Arthur and shattering any lingering hope for their love completely.
"Do I make you sad?" Arthur whispered into Merlin's ear as he wrapped his arms around the slim waist he had daydreamed all day of touching again. "Is it so painful to see yourself with me for the rest of your life? Am I wrong to want you so?" The young King continued to spill his deepest feelings as a crying Merlin threatened to undo him.
Merlin could not say anything as he finally opened his eyes; the warmth Arthur's body gave was too much. He had taken the potion, why was he still saying painfully sweet words of love into his ear? His mind tried to reach an explanation as his knees gave way and he clung to Arthur's bare chest clumsily. "Merlin..." Arthur called out as he moved to support Merlin and with one hand raised Merlin's trembling chin to look into the breathtaking sapphire pools of his eyes.
"I love you. Why do you insist on denying us this happiness?" Arthur asked as he finally gave in to his desires and kissed Merlin once more. He pushed Merlin against his body as he ravished the inside of his mouth, making sure to taste every corner, every crevice of it. Pushing the shaken form of his manservant against the bed, Arthur pinned him underneath his heated body. The hardness between his legs threatened to hurt as much as his heart did and he moaned into Merlin's mouth.
With Arthur's fully erected shaft pressed hard against his thighs, Merlin lost the battle in his mind. If the potion still hadn't taken effect, why couldn't he give himself one last moment of happiness? He had done so much for Camelot, for Arthur, for his destiny and never asked for anything in return. Could he not have this one thing he wanted this final goodbye? Merlin moved his hands downward to Arthur's trousers and slipped his hand inside to wrap his fingers around the source of the heat there. With one swift movement he had Arthur breaking their kiss to curse and moan in frustration.
Merlin bit Arthur's ear as his eyes darkened with need and moved them off the bed. He quickly undressed himself, this time his fingers did not shake or linger on his clothes. Then Merlin moved to undressed Arthur, removing the black trousers greedily before running his fingers gently across the clean bandages and then looking up at his King. "Lay on the bed for me." Merlin told Arthur, his voice filled with yearning as he crawled on the bed after him.
Cradling Arthur's legs, Merlin caressed everywhere his fingers could reach and his eyes could see. He leaned forward to plant a short, but sweet, kiss on Arthur's lips before moving to the edge of the bed. Merlin lowered his head and brought Arthur's hot cock into his mouth, slowly moving it deeper into his mouth and then back out again, picking up the pace only when Arthur's cries of pleasure caused his blood to quicken even more. He could feel Arthur's fingers tighten on his hair, slightly tugging them. Merlin licked the side of Arthur's manhood hungrily, from the tip to the base and then back the other way before slipping it back into his wet mouth.
Arthur felt himself fall deeper into the abyss of their passion as he came in Merlin's mouth, his seed hot and thick. He licked his lips and cursed again as his eyes fell on the sight of Merlin, the corner of his lips had a trail of his cum and his lips were redder than ever before. Arthur tugged at Merlin's arm, trying to speed things along, his need to be inside Merlin unbearable. Merlin only wiped the lingering cum on the side of his mouth with his hand and grinned sheepishly before stopping a few inches from Arthur's lips. "I believe I owe you a ride my Lord." His sexy voice teased as he positioned his hips and gently guided Arthur inside him.
