Splatoon Oneshots

Aloha x Reader x Diver

♥️

Pairing: Aloha (m) x Reader (n/a) x Diver (m)

Title: Sharing A Brain Cell

A/N: I've started to really get into Identity V, so I made a currently-open oneshot collection. Go request or I'll cry (jk but like still request please :3) Oh and one more thing, I've added a key in requests/guidelines so you'll know what you're in for per oneshot. Enjoy!

KEY:
(Y/N): Your Name (duh)

3rd POV

Team Pink peruses Inkopolis Plaza, searching for nothing in particular. At least, as far as the team is concerned. However, Aloha decides that after one fan commented on his recent Inkstagram post that Diver was "hotter", he had to simply absolutely no doubt about it challenge Diver in a survey to see who was more physically appealing.

"Hey Diver," Aloha speaks in his lower voice out of his two modes (outside and heavy metal screamo tone.) "I choose you!"

"Aw, just like that one Inksta account xXDiverStan694203000Xx chose me over you?" Diver had quipped, knowing exactly why Aloha has been more moody than crack headed like he usually is.

"You little trashcan! I'd never choose you for anything-"

"But didn't you just say you choose m-"

"Shut up you heathen." The his in Aloha's tone was getting vile, and Straw and Octoglasses didn't care enough to step in, only walk away from the dramatic scene. "As I was saying before I was SO RUDELY INTERRUPTED, I CHOOSE YOU AS MY OPPONENT! WE SHALL COMPETE FOR THE LOVE OF THE ENTIRE WORLD TO PROVE THAT ONE "FAAAAN" WON'T DO YOU JUSTICE AT ALL YOU UGLY BUFFOON!"

"Does that mean you're a buffoon too? The other day you said we could pull off pretending to be brothers," Diver snickered. "Yeah yeah, let's just hurry up. You're a terrible sport and really don't know how to lose properly. I don't wanna go through your nonsensical emo phase again." Aloha only glared. The one decision that could symbolize any sign of life in that hard-headed inkling's mind. "Ooh, I'm gonna go ask that adorable little bean over there. I bet they'll choose me over your annoying ass any day."

"I have to come with you genius. Can't let you lie."

"It's like your brain only starts to function when it benefits you."

Enter dramatic, pitiful looking "gangsta walk" from both Diver AND Aloha walking towards a zoned-out (Y/N). The clouds were apparently way more interesting than some cringy childish argument from guys that were out of (Y/N)'s league. Or rather, that's what (Y/N) thought of themself.

Unfortunately, Aloha decided to trip Diver. Instead of getting a good result, (Y/N)'s attention snapped forward as soon as they heard the "take this doofus". Diver ended up getting a face full of crotch, and Aloha only got jealousy.

Diver grabbed (Y/N)'s thighs to steady himself enough to look at what helped cushion his landing as if some magical pillow appeared out of thin air. It was at this moment, he knew, he fu- er heard a surprisingly calm, collected smooth voice. "I believe your face landed in my lap. Do you mind getting off? If I'm not mistaken, you and your cute friend over there have some girls to hit on. I mean, that's what you two were screeching about, right?"

"I'M CUTE?" Aloha had only heard 'cute friend' and the sound of an angel out of the polite attempt at ridding such loud company. (Y/N) had definitely taken note of all the stares they were receiving thanks to the boys leeching off each other's pride for this poor stranger.

"Why are you surprised? You're Aloha, are you not?" (Y/N) said rather smoothly for someone who was freaking out with terrible anxiety levels on the inside.

"So he's cute? But I'm not? That's not fair! You're getting a first-class view of my amazing bone structure right now! Honestly, I can't believe such an attractive person would choose that over me. Although, only stupid douchebags get the good ones, I suppose."

"You're a stupid douchebag too," Aloha tried to retort. The fail made (Y/N) chuckle so softly, and Aloha and Diver blush harshly. "(Y/N), forget about this stupid challenge. Wanna get married?"

"Um, I'm gonna pretend you didn't just propose so informally to someone like me. Oh, and Diver, you're cute too don't worry. I just really don't think I deserve the attention and time you two are spending on me, haha." (Y/N) started to subconsciously self-loathe, and Diver didn't let that go by unnoticed. Aloha was too blinded by the fact that Diver was called cute, therefore becoming an "equal" to realize this fact.

"Aw, that's great to hear! But it's not helping anything. I'm not sharing a win with that evil spawn. I can't believe I used to call him my brother." Diver had finally got up from the strange position and instead dramatically posed across (Y/N)'s legs with his entire body, covering his face in faux despair. "Please choose, my love."

"What if I can't? And you do have to share me?" Let those words sink in, (Y/N). And 3... 2... 1... "OH WAIT I DIDN'T MEAN LIKE TH-THAT UH I-"

Aloha suddenly let out a rather attractive sounding pleasant hum. "Perhaps... We can share you. I think we're gonna need a name from you though, our love."

"It sounds stupid when you say it." Diver remarked.

"Shut up!"

"It's (Y/N)... Are you sure? You r-really don't have to I mean we all just met and I-I really don't wanna pressure anything or..." As (Y/N) trailed off their rant, Diver and Aloha decided to take hold of each of (Y/N)'s band.

"Don't worry, we don't mind~ If you don't wanna choose, then that's on you. I can't guarantee your safety from either of us being territorial though. Until you decide, you'll just have to deal with it~" Diver growled towards the end of his demand, making (Y/N) shiver.

"Oh (Y/N), it's fine~ It just makes things more interesting~" Aloha cooed in the other ear.