Stay- Book One The Full Circle

Ties that Bind

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Chapter 19
Ties That Bind

Trent

Mitch agreed to help, to come with me, us. It's important they know everyone involved, meaning Maggie. I had to convince her to come too. She was unsure, but she came, if for nothing else, to put her own mind at ease that I'm doing what's best for Zoe. I need them to tell me that too.

I was up most of the night thinking it over and even though I loved that Maggie was asleep in my bed next to me, I ended up pacing around the apartment thinking and worrying if I'm doing the right thing. I know Adrienne doesn't care about Zoe. If she did she'd be at my door banging it down to get to her kid. She has only called asking about the money she thinks she's going to get from me. That's telling me everything I need to know. I can't second guess my decision now.

I'm dragging ass this morning since I insisted that we got an early start to go see the Lewis's. I'm loaded up with coffee and donuts for the road to get my system revved up for the drive. With Mitch and I drinking our coffee, Maggie has her tea and Zoe a chocolate milk, we headed out. Zoe was as excited to see her grandparents as I was anxious to see them again. It's been five years since I've seen them last and we didn't part on the best of terms.

It was right when my parents died and I found out about Adrienne and Jeremy. I was hurting, angry and grieving.They love and believe in their daughter, as they should. When I confronted them about her actions, they defended her. Then they learn about my parents. I spiraled.

They tried to reach out to me but I didn't want to see anyone. I didn't trust anyone. I didn't want anyone around me. The only protection I had against my grief consuming me was to isolate myself from my past and forget it all. So I left everyone behind, I never returned their calls. Even when they moved so close to us, I stayed away.

I remember it all now that my past has been shoved back into my face. The never ending calls offering condolences, offering help, a home for me and Harper from many that knew us. The pain was absorbing me with every call as every single person proceeded in telling me how sorry they were. I couldn't explain how much I wanted to scream, hit someone for what was taken from me, from all of us. The pain was debilitating.

My role models, my idols and my roots were gone. They were more than just the people who raised me, they were the ones I looked to for support, advice the ones I knew loved me no matter what. I wanted to be just like them and I lost them. It ripped me to pieces losing them.

There was nothing anyone could say to make me feel better. So I stayed away from anything that made me think, feel, remember. Working long hours, drinking when I was off, finding solace in different women as often as possible. It all added up to staying numb consistently for long periods of time. I was better when I was numb. It worked for me for years until Cole came for me. Using Harper, he broke my defenses and brought me home or here, where I agreed to make a home again.

My mind wandered as Mitch drove inland, thinking of that time and all I managed to not deal with then. I've thanked Cole for sticking with me. I've apologized to Harper and Mitch for the shit they had to clean up while I was MIA. Eventually I'll have to deal with the elephant in the bar, Harper and Jeremy broken relationship and the others I left in my wake. I walked away from Jeremy and Harper refused to forgive him. I don't know if any of us really have forgiven him. Not completely. Maybe now that I have someone to talk to, some distance from the situation, and a reason to let go, I can start to grieve and move on.

It wasn't that long of a drive, only a few hours each way, but it's necessary for me to reach out to Adrienne's parents and get them to agree with my request. My mind keeps coming back to the little girl in the back seat and what my parents would have done for her. What they would want me to do.