Finding Myself Again (Adopted by Markiplier)

~eleven~

^Emliy

~The song has ended, but the melody lingers on.

My parents and I have had our fair share of fights. But I don't think I would ever want this to happen in a million years. Why my family? Why not the abusive parents, deadbeat parents, or parents who don't love their children? 

Why me? 

I felt a sudden coldness, drawing me out of my thoughts. Ethan had pulled away and was looking at me worriedly. We sat in silence for a few moments, trying to process everything. A warm tear fell down my cheeks, I feel like I've been hit a thousand fucking times with a baseball bat straight to my heart. But I was also numb. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. This shit is so fucked up. Why me? 

"Let's go, I guess." I forced words out of my mouth, though they were barely audible. I unbuckled and pulled open the door, not bothering to get my phone. What should a person even feel in this situation? I felt helpless, alone. I don't even know if I wanna live anymore; not without my parents. 

Mark and Ethan followed me, each of them grabbed one of my hands and helped me walk, as I started violently shaking again. 

What's there to live for?

Why am I here? 

We entered the same, boring building, and I felt like breaking down. 

"I- I can't do this, I'll be back." I didn't wait for their responses as I speed down the halls to a bathroom. Each corner I turned, I couldn't seem to find one. 

Finding myself in a random supply closet, I slammed the door shut and I completely broke down. Sliding against the door, the thoughts rushed to my head. 

What's the point?

I can't have one good thing happen in my life without two more bad things appearing.

I'm going insane.

I can't keep hiding my emotions like this. 

I'm all alone in this fucking glasshouse. 

I'm in hell. 

I'm a bother to literally everyone around me.

Mark shouldn't have to take care of me, he has a job that takes up 90% of his time already. 

I should be in the system. 

Fuck, I shouldn't even be here at all.

I can't do this.

What's the point? 

I pulled my knees up to my chest, rocking myself back and forth. 

Where's there to go from here? 

I'm too far gone. 

A knock appeared on the door, making my sobs go immediately silent, but the tears still flowed. I want to be alone right now, I'm gonna lose my shit.  My breathing pattern picked up even faster, which seemed impossible because I was hyperventilating enough to power a windmill. 

"Karli, I know you're in here, please let us in." Mark's voice erupted through the door. My entire body went numb, I felt like I was gonna pass out. 

"Please, Karli?" This time, Ethan's voice came through. I knew they wouldn't stop bugging me, plus I didn't lock the door and they were pushing on it, trying to get in but my body was blocking them. I gave in and moved away from the door with what little strength I had. 

I sat adjacent to the door, so when it was pushed open, it wouldn't smack me in the face. Just as I predicted, the door was slammed open just inches away from my forehead. When they saw me, their faces relaxed a little bit, they probably thought I was gonna harm myself. They sat next to me, Mark on my left, Ethan on my right. They didn't say anything, they were just there for me.