Finding Myself Again (Adopted by Markiplier)

~fourteen~

(A/N currently freaking out over the fact that Mika grew up in the same state I live in {and was born in} and matter of fact just a few hours away from me? I am not okay)

~Everyone is in their own personal coma. 

It's been a week. A week of the same routine. Wake up, visit my parents, come back. 

It's officially summer vacation, and nothing is the same. There's something off, I'm paranoid that something bad is going to happen at any moment. I can feel it. 

Every year, Luke goes camping with his family, all summer. The only time I talk to him is when they go to a hotel because the rain interferes with their shelter- if it rains. 

Maddie went to Flordia for the summer to see her dad. And Em is grounded for the summer. 

So yeah, I guess you could say it's been pretty peachy around here. Duly noted sarcasm. 

Nothing has changed since I visited them after my therapist appointment last week. Their time for being kept on life support is slowly ticking away. There's only so much hope I can have before I hit a breaking point and lose all hope completely. 

I stood at the doors to my parent's room, unsure if going in would change anything or not; if it would waste my time or actually be useful of my time. 

Hesitantly, I reached for the doorknob, before turning it slightly and entering. 

Nurse Andrews was taking their vitals, as he usually does by the time I visit. 

"Hey Karls," He smiled at me, both his face and the tone in his words showed that no progress was made whatsoever, but I guess I'm used to it at this point. I smiled at him, but it quickly faltered as I sat down on the chair that sat in between their beds. He got off of the bar stool that he was sitting on, and walked over to me. 

"Try talking to them? Maybe a deep conversation? It might help." I gave him a look and sighed. "I have been, nothing works." I pulled my eyes from his and stared at the floor, tracing the pattern in the tile with my eyes. 

Nurse Andrews put his hand on my shoulder, which made me look up at him. "Never lose hope, Karli. Losing hope right now is the absolute worst thing you could do. Your parents need you, now more than ever. Talk to them." I sighed before looking over at my mom. She seemed in worse shape than the last time I saw her. 

"Okay, I'll talk to them." He smiled at me before leaving the room and softly shutting the door behind him. 

I pulled the chair closer to my mom's bed and rested my hands atop of hers. They felt so warm, but they've never felt so lifeless. 

"Mom?" I started, "I passed all of my exams with flying colors, I know you'd be proud. I miss you so much. Words can't even begin to describe how I'm feeling. Every day that passes just gets closer to the 30-day mark. Then you'll be pulled away from my life forever. I don't know if I can handle that. You brought me into this world. I can't stay in this world knowing that you're here without me. I just can't." I sighed, feeling tears creep up into my eyes. I let them fall onto the hospital bed, unable to blink them back. 

"I can't help but blame myself for what happened. I should've stalled just a little bit longer. Then that stupid fucking semi never would have happened." My voice was cracking, "Why couldn't it have been me? My therapist keeps saying that blaming myself changes nothing, but what if it could?" I started shaking, the anxiety creeping deep into my soul. 

"Every day without you is every day without my guardian angel. I can't do this alone, mom. Sure I have Mark, but he's nothing compared to what you guys are." I laid my head down on the side of her bed, grabbing her warm but lifeless hand and started choking through my own tears. Throughout this week, I've felt so numb. I couldn't cry anymore. This pain is worse than any pain- physical or mental-that I have ever been through. I feel so terrible, inside and out. I can't sleep peacefully anymore. I'm a fucking wreck. 

I felt my eyes begin to close from exhaustion, I tried to pry them open, but the hallucinating effects of the constantly beeping monitors made it nearly impossible. 

I started to drift off, but a change in the beeping jolted me awake. I jumped up from my position. Instead of the slow, metronomic beats the monitor makes, it was suddenly much faster. I looked at the red number that said 120 BPM. It's usually 60-70. 

My breath hitched in my throat, anxiety rising with every breath I took in. 'What if she's having another seizure?' I forced my body to get out of it's 'deer in front of headlights' state and rushed over to the call button that was on the other side of her bed. 

I felt skin on my arm, a hand was very lightly holding on. "Mom?" I took her hand and held it into mine, squeezing ever so slightly. "Mom, it's going to be okay, doctors are on their way." Right as the door opened, she started choking on her chest tube, subconsciously fighting to get it out. 

Doctors rushed into the room with several machines, and I felt arms on my shoulders, a nurse was pushing me out of the room. "I know you're scared, honey.  Go down to the waiting room, and we'll come get you when we're ready. Right now we just need the room." 

As terrified as I was, I knew I would just get in the way if I were in the room. I rushed down to the waiting room, luckily no one was really in there. I pulled out my phone and called Mark. 

"Hey, are you ready for me to pick you up?" He answered fairly quickly, he was currently at lunch with one of his close friends. I think her name is Amy?

"Mark?" I stuttered out. 

"What happened?" His voice softened, and I could hear a faint 'i'll go pay' in the background, whom I presume is Amy. 

"My mom- I think somethings happening. I don't know if it's good or bad. She grabbed my arm slightly." I felt my voice start to crack so I stopped talking before I started crying. 

"Calm down, take some deep breaths. I'll be there in 20 minutes." I took a few breaths so I could talk properly without choking on my words. 

"I'm sorry I ruined your lunch," He sighed slightly on the other end. 

"Karli, don't worry about it, we just finished anyways. You're fine."

"Okay," I hesitantly replied. 

"Are you going to be okay until I get there?"

"I'm not exactly sure, but I have no choice." I chuckled dryly and started pacing around the waiting room. 

"Alright, well I'm heading down there now, I shouldn't be too long."

"Thank you, Mark." 

"Of course, stay calm, it'll be okay." I smiled slightly as we hung up. He somehow always makes me feel even a little bit better just with his words. I don't know how he does it.