Finding Myself Again (Adopted by Markiplier)

~sixteen~

"We sense that 'normal' isn't coming back, that we are being born into a new normal: a new kind of society, a new relationship to the earth, a new experience of being human."
― Charles Eisenstein

Today's the day my mom gets out of the hospital. These past 3 weeks have been absolute hell. She's not herself anymore, she's cold and rude. I don't blame her- if dad doesn't wake up in 7 days, we have to let him go. I shivered at the thought.

"You ready?" Mark asks just as we finished cleaning up the house for my mom. Everything was set up so that she wouldn't have to do much moving- I put everything from her bedroom down into the guest bedroom downstairs so she could stay in there until she can move a lot more.

I sighed, "As ready as I'll ever be," I knawed at my lip at the thought of her snapping at me over a misplaced glass or a sock on the floor. She's usually not this bitchy, but who wouldn't be? I just wish she didn't take it out on me so much, it's starting to sting. In a blink of an eye, the accident caused the perfectly healthy relationship my mom and I maintained for sixteen years to go straight down the drain. It undid all of her happiness along with it. She's like a completely different person- not like, she is a different person.

We left the house after double-checking everything. My nerves started to creep up as I locked the door. "None of this is your fault, you know this, right?" Mark asked once we got onto the road, making his way to the hospital where we would soon check my mom out of the place she has stayed in for the past month.

"Yeah, I guess. It's just hard to adjust to this. She's usually never like this, you know. She acted more like 'the mom friend' in a group of friends. Which is fitting, because she's my mom, but she acted like my best friend-same with dad. Even though disciplining me, and reprimanding me when I've done wrong, she's never like this. It's weird and it hurts honestly."

Mark nodded in understanding, "Well, that may just be her way of coping. When my dad died, I was kind of the same way for a while. Let's just hope this doesn't last long, how she speaks to you isn't a way you should speak to anyone."

"But what if it doesn't pass?" I questioned,

"Then I'll step in." Mark stayed silent for a moment while he tried to change lanes on the busy highway. We made brief eye-contact through the mirror, his eyes looked as if they had a sudden realization.

"Has your mom ever been codependent on alcohol? Like, how are her drinking habits?" Sometimes, when mom and dad got into arguments, she'd binge drink and then sleep for days on end until they made up, but I don't think I would ever admit that to Mark.

"Uh, just normal I guess? She drinks occasionally but never in an abundance," I feel terrible about lying, but if I didn't it would add a whole slew of obstacles.

"Well call me or text me if anything goes wrong. You're not alone in this," I smiled at him, "Thanks Mark,"

We walked into the hospital for the trillionth time this month and she was sitting in a chair in the lobby, in some normal clothes that we brought in the other day. She was staring off with a disconsolate face into the distance, watching as people got off and on elevators.

"Hey mom," I said softly as we reached her.

"Karli." She responded discordantly, slowly inching off of her chair and getting up. I noticed how much weight she has lost. While she was in a coma, she obviously couldn't eat, so they had her on feeding tubes but they did the bare minimum. They gave her the nutrients, but not the calories- or at least not enough of them.

"I'm so sorry for any trouble that Karli has given you, I know she can be a bit much sometimes." She told Mark, and my mouth dropped ajar slightly, a punch straight into my heart. She couldn't mean that, right?

"Karli has been very helpful, Mrs. Gaines. She's respectful and cleans up more than I do honestly." She shifted her feet uncomfortably, "Isn't that a first."

I stared at the floor, clearly annoyed with her bad mouthing me right in front of me, it hurt so bad.

"Well, are you ready to go?" Mark asked awkwardly, to which my mom just nodded.

To the car, we walked slowly with mom, her strength wasn't back up to what it should be just yet. "Do you need help, mom?" I asked shyly once we got into the parking lot, cars were waiting for us to get out of the pedestrian lane so they could cross, but of course, we have to right-of-way.

"No, I got it," She jarred, making me go silent once again. I watched as she picked up each foot as if they weighed twice her weight. We eventually got to Mark's car, and he helped her into the passenger side while I slid into the back.

The ride back home was uncomfortably silent, no one knew what to say and a conversation would most likely make things more uncomfortable. Mark pulled smoothly into our driveway. I saw my mom's eyes widen at how neat and kept our yard was, but she didn't say anything. When I mean we took the time to make everything perfect, I mean perfect. I filled out checks for our bills, which didn't cost much, and I cleaned the entire house.

"My number is on the fridge, call or text me if you ever need it," Mark explained.

"Thank you, Mark," Mom replied and heading out the door and into the house slowly. I stayed behind so I can talk to him for a minute, I got out of the backseat and into the passenger.

"What are you doing?" I huffed and leaned my head on his shoulder. "I'm scared,"

"Of?" He gave me a worried look. "Of her not being her normal self again, what if she doesn't love me anymore? Does she blame me?"

"Karli, I guarantee you she won't be completely the same again, but she won't be standoffish forever. I don't think she blames you, just give it time." He reassured and I hesitantly nodded.

I leaned off of his shoulder and smiled at him, "Thanks, Mark. I appreciate everything that you've done so far."

"Of course, Karli. I'll check in after a while,"

After we said our goodbyes, I headed inside to face the wrath of the beast. As soon as I closed the front door, I heard a crash of glass breaking. My palms started sweating slightly. "Mom?" I called out while rushing towards the noise, she was in the kitchen.

"What?" She screamed back, I walked into the area and saw her sitting on the counter with vodka and a large martini glass. On the floor was a bunch of broken glasses, none of which were important but there was now a giant, dangerous mess for me to clean up.

I sighed and grabbed the broom and dustpan that was in the storage closet a few feet away from me.

"You shouldn't be drinking, you know. It'll mess with your pain meds." I said as I started to sweep up the glass, making sure none of it was left behind so that I wouldn't cut my feet in the middle of the night.

"So?" She retorted back before chugging all the was in her glass.

"So it'll mess with your recovery!" I was starting to get annoyed slightly.

"Does it look like I give a damn? Shit, Karli, for an honor roll kid, you sure lack common sense." I felt tears rise, I blinked them away and forcefully dumped the pile of broken glass into the garbage can. I threw the broom back into the storage closet.

"What happened to the loving, caring mother that I used to have? I've tried to keep myself together for you, I tried to stay here for you even after all these years. What happened?" I said, raising my voice slightly. I know I shouldn't be acting like this, but I feel like everything that I've been holding in is just coming straight out now. It's like when you mix coke and mentos and quickly shut the cap before the bottle goes shooting straight at the sky.

"That woman died in the crash. It should have been you, you're the problem child. Your father and I spent so much time and money making sure your brain wasn't fucked up, but what do we get? Anxiety attacks and you wallowing in your room for days at a time. I'm fucking sick of it, Karli, go to hell already." She spat her words at me. I glared at her before turning around and going upstairs to slam my door and 'wallow in my room for days at a time.' I feel defeated. Is that how she felt? Both her and dad?

Fuck, man.