Finding Myself Again (Adopted by Markiplier)

~thirteen~

~ I am the clown you wish that you could be-(circus freak) xoxomyah 

Yesterday was pretty uneventful. After the movie ended, Mark and Ethan were filming the rest of the day and I did a mix of binge watch TV and sleep. I don't have school today because I don't have an exam, thank god, but there's nothing to distract me from reality. 

As I laid in bed I stared up at the ceiling in defeat. I've been making shapes of the design on the white canvas for the past few hours. I guess sleeping all day yesterday was a bad decision, huh.  The room I was surrounded in suddenly wasn't pitch black anymore. I glanced at the window; the sky was dark blue and the sun hadn't risen yet. 'Pointless trying to sleep I guess.' I slowly sat up and picked up my phone, the bright blue light blinded my eyes. I squinted and quickly turned the brightness down, and my night mode on. Once the blue light had faded and the yellow tint appeared, my eyes finally relaxed. 

5:45. Definitely not going to be able to get back to sleep. I got out of bed and stretched, feeling every muscle relax from laying down for so long, and feeling every air socket that sat in between my bones pop. 

I went to the bathroom so I could brush out my rats nest, which somehow made me feel better than I was feeling before. Something about accomplishing something so simple helps get myself back together. 

I quietly walked downstairs. No light was emitting from any corner of the house, so it's safe to assume that Mark is still asleep. I heard him mention once that he didn't wake up until 6:30, it's fine, though. I find the peacefulness of being the only one awake quite comforting.  

I grabbed a bottle of the Starbucks Frapachinnos that they sell at stores and poured the contents in a wine glass that was filled with ice. I don't really feel like making coffee, one- because I'm lazy, and two- because I don't want to wake Mark up with the smell of freshly made coffee. 

I padded into the living room and unlocked the sliding glass doors that led directly to the patio. The second I opened the door, a fresh, crisp coolness hit my face. It was refreshing honestly, it might rain today. The wind was blowing ever so slowly, and the air quality is amazing in this part of Los Angeles. 

I sat in one of the chairs that were placed in the perfect direction of the sunrise. I took  a drink of my coffee and smiled. This is the most at peace than I have been in the longest time. No distractions, no bad thoughts, just peace. I watched as the colors blended together in the sky. I listened to nothing other than the birds chirping.

 Blech. What have I turned into? Birds annoy me more than anything, but today I felt appreciative of them. A hummingbird flew past me to go straight to a flower that sat in Mark's yard. It ate some of the nectar and flew away. Seeing the hummingbird sent chills straight through me. Emily is a very spiritual person, she's into a lot of natural healing, and she's really advid about angel numbers and spiritual symbols like hummingbirds, for example. 

Hummingbirds are a sign of hope, love, and joy.  I smiled, remembering the time Em went on this whole expedition about her seeing a dove sitting on her grandma's grave when she went to visit it. It was on the day of her death anniversary, so that even made it all the more special. 

I chuckled, sipping some of my coffee, and leaned back into the chair and closed my eyes, drifting off to sleep. 

The sound of the door opening jolted me awake. I jumped slightly and looked to my right, Chica ran outside and over to me. 

"Hey, girl. Good morning Chica-Wica!" I set the glass that I was holding onto the table. It surprisingly didn't fall out of my hands when I was asleep for all of ten minutes.