Night Vale Unsolved

38

"Listeners, I've just received word that Big Rico's is coming out with a new pizza! Isn't that exciting?"
Cecil spoke into his microphone, as he always did, and through it to the citizens of Night Vale. So far, there had been no big news - bad news, that is. A new Big Rico's pizza? That's exciting! After all...
"No one does a slice like Big Rico's.
No one."
With that, Cecil closed the section and turned the show over to Deb, a sentient patch of haze, for a public service announcement. He listened absentmindedly as Deb said something about cars, and bright light, and penguins.
Penguins, apparently, could be a huge cause of distraction while driving. Why Deb felt the need to inform inhabitants of a desert city of this, Cecil wasn't entirely sure. Not that this bothered him, of course. It was just one of those things.
One of those things you get used to after living in Night Vale.
Like time being weird.
Or like Librarians.
Or the Sheriff's Secret Police and the Vague Yet Menacing Government Agency...
Cecil sighed and cut off that train of thought. More and more, he'd found himself circling back around to the opinion that his new friends, Shane and Ryan, were digging into something that they shouldn't dig into. He wanted to help. He wanted them to get what they needed. He wanted to help them get used to Night Vale. But more than anything, he needed them to understand.
Because if Ryan and Shane didn't understand, then Cecil was just acting like a jerk. At least, that's how he felt. But there wasn't much to be done about that now. Not from his radio station.
Speaking of which...
"And now, time for the Children's Fun Fact Science Corner!" Cecil announced into the mic, returning to his show once more. As he did the science segment, a different kind of science was going on back at the Moonlight All Night Dinner.

"There has to be a process!" Carlos wanted to shout. "There is a way of doing things - scientifically! - to get results and answers." He stared expectantly at the two men across from him.
Ryan blinked back, not wanting to say the wrong thing and yet knowing that there was no right thing.
Shane grappled with an unfinished sentence forming in his mind. Finally, he just went for it.
"You know..." He began, a part of him immediately regretting it, "If you could just tell us everything you know about the government here..." He trailed off as Carlos sighed and set his forehead on the table in front of him.
"I've told you," Carlos said, his voice muffled by his position, "I don't know much. I'm not even sure how the City Council works." He lifted his head up so that it was his chin, rather than his forehead, resting on the table. "I mean, we hold an election for mayor, but the actual winner is decided by Hidden Gorge. The City Council themselves are a multi-bodied organism with separate consciousnesses in one physical form. There's no...no logic to any of this. Not logical logic, anyway."
Ryan and Shane stared.
"Umm..." Ryan finally ventured, "Maybe we should take a break."
Right on time, their waitress approached with their food. Carlos sat up, and put his notepad away.
"Here you are," The waitress said, setting Carlos'plate down in front of him.
"Thank you," He said, opening a packet of butter and smearing it on his toast.
Shane and Ryan's plates were next. Ryan, who had only ordered hash browns, got a small bowl of the stuff - it looked more like a side than a main item, which is where he had ordered it off of.
Shane's toast was just as perfect as Carlos', and his eggs seemed fine, but the waitress turned to go before he got his side of bacon.
"Excuse me?" He called after her, politely. She turned back, and a flash of annoyance crossed her face. She wiped it away and flashed a very forced smile.
"What can I do for you?"
"I'm sorry, but it looks like you forgot my bacon?"
Her eyes flashed to the table, and she smiled again, this one no more genuine than the first.
"Right. I'll tell the kitchen."
And with that, she turned and vanished behind the metal doors before Shane could say anything. He glanced at the others. Ryan shrugged, and Carlos was too busy with his own food.
Shaking it off, Shane dug in as well.

"Listeners, I just got a text from intern Alex." Cecil held his phone up, reading a text message into his microphone. "I sent them down to Big Rico's a few minutes ago to get a story on the new pizza. Let's see..." Cecil squinted a bit. Alex used more abbreviations and emojis than Cecil had ever seen in one text in every text, so it was a bit of a challenge deciphering the message. Luckily, Janice, Cecil's teenage niece, was more than happy to coach him through it last time she came over to visit. Cecil put that training to good use to report on this highly important - and delicious - story.
"Ok, Alex says...'Just got here, waiting in line, the line is so long omg." Cecil grinned, proud, and then faltered when he saw the last emoji. "Oh, wait, um...ah! Listeners, here at the end, Alex has added an emoji from that new pack. It's that one with a snake with huge fangs emerging from a dark abyss. Aww, it has a sombrero! Isn't that cute."

Shane's bacon never did come. The waitress, in fact, didn't return to that table until they called for the check.
In the mean time, she went around to all of her other tables - eight, in total. The shifts had switched around after Alex got a job as a radio intern - and told them in between orders about the two Interlopers. About how they came to dig up all of Night Vale's secrets and share them with the world. And about how they were sitting right over there.
"Is that Carlos?" One woman asked, moving the salt shaker firmly out of her five year old son's reach.
"What is he doing with them?" A man asked at another table, handing her the bill.
"Where are they from? Who are they?" Hushed voices from around the diner wondered to each other.
Neither Ryan, Shane, or Carlos noticed the whispers. As they finished their food and called for the bill, they did their best to talk about other things. Like good, safe pastimes around town.
"We don't want another Librarian incident!" Carlos joked as they stood up to leave. Ryan rubbed his head where he'd fallen, not because of any lingering pain, but rather the memory of the pain. They left, still talking and laughing.
The entire diner watched them as they went.