Innocent [on hold]

Grief stricken and longing for escape

Chapter 15
Kayn POV

           Yazmin looks over at me with big puffy eyes.  She looked awful which made me feel a bit guilty for not visiting sooner, even though I really was swamped with work.  I don’t say anything and just stare awkwardly at her. I mean what else could I do?
           Her hair was frazzled and looked like some avant-garde model of some sort.  Her shirt had a coffee stain mixed in with grease of something.  Her home was an absolute mess, with clothes thrown everywhere.  There was even a burned thing on the stove.  I’m guessing it was an egg, but it was charred far beyond even recognition.
           I was awful with other peoples tears and she knew not to seek comfort from me.  At most I can give an awkward hug or a few words but that’s it.  And flowery words and awkwardness are obviously not what she wants from me.

           “I’m leaving.” She says finally, I can’t say that I didn’t expect this the clothes all over were enough for me to realize what was going on in her head, but I nod anyway.  Nodding and agreement make people feel better that someone empathizes with them, right? She continues. “…and you’re coming with me.” Now tht’s a surprise.

           “Yaz,” But in a situation like this I can’t sit back and agree. I sigh and lean back on the cool counter staring at the chandelier.  I think for a while before carefully continuing, “You know I can’t leave.”

           “Why do you continue to torture yourself?” her voice was steadily raising as she spoke.  She was hoarse which made her sound like a lingering ghost that shows up in scary movies.  I don’t interrupt and allow her to vent even if my eardrums were bleeding.  When I cry I like venting. “Kayn please just come with me. “

           “What do you want me to say, Yazmin?  That I’ll run away with you?  You know I can’t leave.  You know why.” I respond after thinking for a while for something suitable to say, which was easier said than done, adding to the fact I’m not much of a talker.

            “Kayn, they’re dead.  They’re all fucking dead!  Why the fuck do you want to stay here? Its been 13 years Kayn.  Get the fuck over your self-torturing bullshit and leave with me!  13 years and they still haven’t found the murderers and you believe they’re still here?  Kayn get over your fantasies about the supernatural and this fallen shit and live your life.” She slams her hand on the wooden cabinets.  I wouldn’t be surprised if they toppled but it holds.

            I clench my fists by my side and breathe out, trying to calm down.  I slip off the counter and ground myself on the ground. I should be the bigger person; she must be hurting so she may be taking her feelings out on me. “Yazmin, stop.”

              “Don’t tell me to fucking stop.  I’ve been watching you pull this bullshit for years- “She runs her hand through her hair.  It doesn’t help… if anything her brown hair looks even more like a bird’s nest.

              “BULLSHIT? That’s what you think Yazmin?  That what I’ve been doing is bullshit?  That trying to keep people who hurt others in jail is bullshit? I’m trying to save everyone from what I go through!  Have you ever had to watch your parents breathe their last every single night?  Do you know what its like looking at their hollow, lifeless eyes every single night?  Do you know what it’s like seeing the murderer ever night but never knowing who he is? Never seeing him in jail?  DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING YAZMIN?  DO YOU KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE WHEN EVERYONE YOU LOVE IS DEAD AND YOU CAN’T DO SHIT TO SAVE THEM?  HEARING THEIR SCREAMS EVERY NIGHT?” I scream.  I am very much not the bigger person.

               Her eyes widen. She freezes seeming to understand what she said.  She tries to fix it, but she only makes it worse, “Kayn, I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell- “

               “why didn’t I tell you?  You are asking me why I didn’t tell you. “I laugh humorlessly; the irony of the situation was truly amusing but I wasn’t in a position to enjoy it. “How could I tell you when you’re like this?  I don’t know if you know this but your selfish.  You don’t care about anyone but yourself.  You clearly know about everything that happened even though I didn’t tell you… hell, if you really wanted to know you could’ve asked.  You mentioned 13 years, right?  Well you had thirteen years to ask.  Ask yourself why you didn’t care enough to ask of you didn’t know something?  I’m done justifying everything you do.”

             “Kay I’m- “You’re what? Sorry?

             “Don’t ‘Kay’ me. Yazmin, I’m done.  I’m so very done.”

               I push past her and leave her house before pausing, a tear drips down my cheek, I wipe it. “I won’t be needing these anymore,” I place the spare keys to her house on the table, the cold burning into my skin. “Have a good trip, stepsis.”
         
               Tears flow down my face as I leave.  I wiped at them, but they wouldn’t stop falling, which frustrated me so much I started crying even more.
                I have no idea why I’m crying.  I haven’t cried like this in a while.  I sniffle as I walk on the sidewalk, rubbing at the stupid tears which wouldn’t stop falling.  I kicked the side of a fence which makes a hole appear under the fence about the size of a bunny.
              I had a bunny once, I named it Simon, it died one day because I dropped it into the deep end of a pool.  I cried for days; it was the first time I saw something die.
             A sad smile stretches across my lips.
             “It’s nice seeing you looking all human again.”
              I look up, and for a second, I didn’t understand what was going on.  Shock hit me like a truck.
             “I- its you?!”

A/N
    Your author over here casually redid this chap.  You can chose to skip or... What ever you kids nowadays do.
    Currently writing/editing in a sleep deprived state please spare me if this chapter isn't absolutely awesome.   I'm still working to pull everything together.
     Also casual shout-out to my best friend Yami,  who inadvertently influenced me and my writing by accidentally evoking a competitive spirit in me.  I love you lots,  love.
    Have fun (my other)  loves,
                                              Grey