Caroline's Cries

Chapter 5

Caroline's POV

I woke up at 3AM with an intense migraine. It was unlike anything I have ever experienced before. My head was throbbing, I was so nauceous, and it was painful to open my eyes. It got so bad to the point where I was clutching my head and crying silently. 

Finally at around 4AM it went away. I fell back asleep, but was woken up an hour later to my mom looking down at me, very concerned. 

"Mom?" I whispered, still half asleep.

"Your skin is yellow." She said softly. 

She woke me up to tell me that my skin was yellow? 

"So?" I whispered back. 

"Jandice." 

Normally if a person heard that word they might be only slightly worried. But to me, a pancreas cancer patient, it was very concerning. Jandice meant that my body was giving up. 

I shook my head in denial, "Mom, it's happened to me before, it's fine. I'll be fine." 

She grabbed my hand and looked at me with deeply concerned eyes, "Are you sure?" 

"Yeah." 

She hugged me and walked out of the room. It was time for me to go to school anyway. I rolled out of bed and checked my calendar. I marked off the date, February 12th, in red marker.

While getting ready for school, I reflected on these past couple of months. In December I was screaming and crying like a baby to not go to school. In January I made friends. Now it's February, and I am being a successful student alongside my classmates. I was proud of myself and could not wait to see what the future had to offer for me. 

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I sat against my locker closing my eyes. The migraine was back. I was feeling like I was gonna puke again, but I couldn't get up to go to the bathroom because I was in so much pain. 

"Are you okay, Caroline?" I heard Jake ask next to me. 

I nodded my head softly, knowing that if I did it too fast I would hurt even more. 

"Let's get you to the nurse." He said. 

I shook my head slowly. 

"Caroline," He persisted, "Please. I know you aren't well. Please, let's get you to the nurse before anything bad happens to you." 

I opened my eyes and winced because of the throbbing pain in my head. I took his hand that was extended towards me and slowly rose up. My knees bucked out and he caught me with another concerned look on his face. I leaned on him and slowly trudged as we made our way to the nurses' office, trying to ignore all of the stares we were recieving. 

"Nurse Amanda, are you there?" He called out.

"Yeah yeah I'm coming." She shouted back. 

Jake led me to a chair and I sat down, clutching my head. It was getting worse. 

The nurse made her way into the room we were in and asked me what was wrong. I fought the pain and quickly blurted out "I have a terrible migraine and feel like I'm going to pass out." 

She looked at me concerned and then frantically made her way over to a table where all of her nurse items were. I looked around and everything was getting fuzzy. Before I knew it everything was pitch black.  

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I woke up in a hospital bed. I could hear beeping of a heart monitor and I felt tubes stuck up my nose, giving me oxygen. A different red-head nurse came in and checked my blood pressure. My headache was gone at least. 

"Why am I here?" I managed to ask. 

"You passed out at school. We're running a few tests now so there's no need to worry. Your mom will be in here shortly." 

I looked around the hospital room. It was tiny and the hospital bed was rough to lay in. I tried to roll over but felt a huge pain in my stomach. 

That's when I heard my mom's voice outside of my hospital room. She was never very good at hiding anything, so when I heard her scream "Are you sure?" admist the sound of her almost-crying I knew it was not good. 

The doctor came in, followed by the nurse, followed by my mom. My mom hustled over and hugged me so tightly it hurt. 

"Caroline, we have bad news." The doctor started. 

"What's going on?" I asked. 

"We..." He looked down at the floor. 

"This is the hardest part of my job." He said quietly. 

My mom burst into tears again. 

"Guys, what's going on?" I asked again. 

"Your cancer has spread all over your body," He started, "You are dying. I'd say you have four months left." 

My heart sunk. The world stopped for a moment. Everything was quiet and I felt numb inside. All my hopes, all my dreams, all my plans were thrown out the window upon hearing those words. 

For the first time in a long time, I was totally giving up. 

I looked at the nurse, then the doctor, then my mom, then the doctor again. 

"Are you... are you sure?" I croaked. 

He just nodded.

A tear managed to escape my eye and slide down my cheek. I was just so overcome with grief. I didn't know what to say, or what I should say. I didn't know how to respond. 

"No!" I shouted, "You got it all wrong. I'm not dying. I'm going to grow up and die an old lady with a loving husband and many children." 

My mom shook with tears and I joined her. It was an awful feeling, knowing that I would be leaving her alone. First she lost my dad, now she's losing me? How could this happen? I fought so hard and now it's all going to waste. 

Amanda and Sarah. My two closest friends. I'd be leaving them too. And Jake... and all my teachers. And everyone! I could never grow up and be what I wanted to be. I would never experience getting married. I would never experience having children of my own, or watch my kids get married.

We drove home in silence, the sounds of our pounding hearts echoed through the car walls. It just didn't seem real. 

We got home and I sat on my bed, realizing that the last few months I had left would be the most painful ones. I would have to endure all of the pain that this cancer would bring me, and worst of all, say goodbye to the ones I loved the most.